


So much for a crush

by Nath_happiness



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Artist Nanase Haruka, Coffee Shops, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone loves Tachibana Makoto, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Friendship, Jealousy, Journalist!Makoto, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, Pinning!Haru, Slow Build, Stalking, Strangers to Lovers, Swimmer!Haru, Unresolved Sexual Tension, artist!haru, smut later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:32:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3737491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nath_happiness/pseuds/Nath_happiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto Tachibana is not like anyone Haruka has ever seen. The boy enters the coffee shop with a gentle smile on his face and rays of light reflected on his hair. Haruka feels as if the morning sun itself is gracing them with its presence. It sure gets harder to breathe.</p><p>Nanase Haruka doesn’t have a crush. Nope, not a crush. It feels more like a hurricane inside his chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In which Haruka paints, Makoto shines, and maybe meeting your crush for the first time is not so bad after all.
> 
>  
> 
> **12/21/16** On hiatus.   
> But the last chapter kind of gives it an ending, of sorts.

The coffee is hot under his parted lips.

It tastes so good Haruka closes his eyes and gets lost in the warm, familiar sensation. He blames his sleep deprivation on the stupid arts project assignment that has been consuming his life. After two long weeks, he can finally let his tense muscles relax and enjoy his favorite coffee shop.

He rests his half empty cup on the table and gets back to his drawing on the old, plain notebook. The struggle to decide on which figure to draw on the large canvas back at his apartment is still there. His professor asked for something deep and capable of touching a soul.

He looks over at the window, and frowns a little. Deep down, he knows what his heart wants to draw. The exactly only thing he seems to be able to draw for the past few months. But there is no way in hell he can come up with that sort of thing to show to the entire class. He sighs, and goes back to his halfhearted draw. It is almost time.

It does not take too long for him to make out the shifting sensation around him. The entire air in the coffee shop changes, and the soft chattering turns into rushed and fast, high pitched voices.

Taking a deep amount of air, as if to prepare himself, Haruka lifts his head slowly, eyes on the door.

And then he sees him.

 

* * * * *

 

Makoto Tachibana is not like anyone Haruka has ever seen.

The boy enters the coffee shop with a gentle smile on his face and rays of light reflected on his hair. Haruka feels as if the morning sun itself is gracing them with its presence. It sure gets harder to breathe.

In fact, every Wednesday is the same. Makoto appears and orders a hot chocolate, followed by a group of friends.

Today, he wears a green t-shirt, tight jeans and a blue backpack over one if his shoulders. He also wears his glasses – he had been wearing them more often now, Haruka realizes.

It seems that Tachibana is not aware of the commotion he causes everywhere he goes. Or maybe the boy is just used to all the eyes following each one of his movements. That has to be it, Haruka thinks. It is impossible that he doesn't realize how much he impacts others people life’s.

Like Haruka’s life, for example.

The thing is that Nanase Haruka doesn’t have a crush. Nope, not a crush. It feels more like a hurricane inside his chest.

Unable to stop staring, he takes another sip of his coffee. A petite girl touches Tachibana's shoulders then, leaning to whisper something in his ears. The boy laughs. The simple action is enough to make Haruka go hot all over, to make his blood go wild.

He glares at the girl from under his bangs and long eyelashes. It is getting more difficult to hide his desires with each passing day

He wants to be the one to make Tachibana smile. Not only that. He wants to hold hands, touch the boys lips, feel the soft skin under his fingerprints.

But he has a problem, in a matter of introducing himself at Tachibana. He does not even know the guy. What is he supposed to say?

_Hello. I am Haruka. Can I touch you now?_

_I promise to be gentle._

The sunny boy glances over at Haruka then, looking at him straight in the eye. As if Tachibana was able to read his mind.

The latter blushes. Hard.

Tachibana gives Haruka a polite smile before turning his attention back to the barista. Another easy conversation falls from his mouth. He accepts his coffee and leaves the shop with his friends on his toes.

Haruka notices that the soft voices start to fill the room again. Even when the sparkling sensation leaves his body, Haruka feels confused and wrong. He will have to wait another week to lay his eyes on the boy again.

He doesn’t know what to do with himself.

 

* * * * *

 

It takes Haruka almost the whole day to decide how he was going to convey his feelings on a canvas. He thinks about it while swimming, grocery shopping, cleaning the house and eating dinner. He lays in bed for hours contemplating his options.

Later that night the boy finds himself in a messy room, brushes spread everywhere. All Haruka can think about is a pair of kind forest green eyes. So that is what he paints.

A large forest and a deep waterfall appear through the canvas. They mix together in every possible way, giving each other support and acceptance. It is like they live in a world where only the connection they share matters.

The paint shows everything he and Tachibana can never be.

The student paints until he can’t anymore. Until his body goes numb and he leans on the wall to support himself. Until the sunlight starting to enter through his large window.

The blue-eyed boy likes to watch his neighborhood waking up. Everything seems quiet, safe and comfortable in the first hours of the day. As if life could happen in slow motion. He stares at the large city and thinks about an infinite of a deep blue ocean instead.

He feels much better now. When he turns to stare at his work, he feels nothing but proud because it is breathtaking.

Glancing over at his watch on the wall, he decides he still have some time to kill before his class. Good. He can soak in the tub for a little while.

 

* * * * *

 

_Late, I am so late – Fuck._

Haruka doesn’t care so much about being late, but today is an exception. He has to turn in his painting, to show the professor and the class how much of his work has improved. He already didn't show up last time, and he can’t afford to screw this up. Not again.

The boy packs his things, grabs his canvas and runs towards his university. He lives only 10 minutes away from the campus, which  was the best decision of his life.

He is in such a hurry he trips over some student when entering the hall of the Arts Building. His bag falls, and there are art supplies spread everywhere. Somehow, he was able to hold the large canvas above his chest when he fell on his back. Thanks to all the gods of the water, the painting is not damaged. He sighs.

“Oh, are you okay? Let me help to get your stuff”, says a honey-like kind of voice by his side. Haruka freezes.

He opens his bright blue eyes to see that he tripped over Tachibana Makoto. From all the people on this university to be on the hall, why it had to be  _him_? When Haruka just made a fool of himself?

The sunny boy is on his knees, putting Haruka’s belongs back in his bag. In the blink of an eye he is on his foot, hand stretched towards Haruka, a small smile on his lips.

Confusion and shame take over his mind, so Haruka stares at the hand in front of him for a while. He considers refusing it, but ends up catching it, pulling himself up. “Thanks”, he manages to say, staring at his shoes.

Tachibana just hands his bag back to him, tinting his head to the side. “I didn’t know you were an art’s student.” Tachibana laughes a little at Haruka, who glances at his feet. Tachibana couldn’t have known because they've never met before. 

Despite the fact that Haruka acts like a stalker every Wednesday. But Tachibana doesn’t know  _that_.

“I am glad your painting is okay”, the boy continued. “Do you mind if I see it? You don’t have to show me if you don’t want though.”

Widen deep blue eyes meet kind light green ones. Not even once in his life Haruka thought he would have a chance to show his paintings to Makoto. It sounded like some kind of joke.

_Why was he interested anyway?_ For the second time in minutes Haruka considers saying no to the other student.

But as he looks up, he realizes he can’t bring himself to do it. This person is important to him. He is someone Haruka has had a crush for almost two years now. He is someone who looks like an angel in a white t-shirt, his messy locks of hair falling on his face. 

The hall is bright with its big glass windows and modern furniture, but Makoto is even brighter. Someone so shiny could never, ever hurt Haruka.

Holding his breath, he hands the painting to Makoto. With the package in hands, Tachibana walks to the closest table to put the canvas on top of it. His eyes never let Haruka’s.

Haruka vaguely remembers he is late. But he wants to know what Makoto thinks about his painting. He needs to know.

Makoto tears the paper off of the canvas and looks at it. He just stares at it, lips partially open, and Haruka can’t read his face for a moment.

The seconds pass until the sunny boy turns back at Haruka, his voice low and rushed. “This is amazing. I don’t understand much about art, but I know for sure I would have this panting with me at all times. I would keep it like a treasure”.

The power in those words makes Haruka lose track of time, of place, of what is wrong and what is right. So he just walks closer to the other boy, entering his personal space. Then he places his hands over Tachibana’s on the table and gives it a light squeeze.

He is so close he can smell the other boy scent, a perfect mixture of orange, milk and mint. After a couple of minutes he regains the courage to look at Tachibana again. The boy holds his gaze, but the kind smile on his face shakes a little.

When the bell rings announcing the start of the next class of the day, the two startle. Haruka comes back to himself.  _What is he doing?_

He whispers an apology to Makoto, gather his things in a rush and walks down the corridor. 

_He is so fucking late to class already._  

Glancing over his shoulders, Haruka sees that Tachibana is still staring at him. Then the blue-eyed boy turns and leaves the hall anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Haruka struggles, Nagisa freaks out, and Rin is cool as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me at herewegohappiness.tumblr.com :)

The walk to class is a blur. His heart beats like crazy in his chest and Haruka thinks he might die. If it is because of embarrassment, love, fear or guilty he has no idea. All he knows is that the canvas he holds seems heavier with each passing second, that his hands are trembling and that he possibly screwed up things _badly_ with Tachibana.

 _What was the guy doing here anyways?_ Haruka had never seen Tachibana in this building before since he studies a different major.

He holds that thought in the back of his mind though. He is not supposed to deal with this by himself, so he won’t. Nagisa better help him sort this out later, or else. It is his fault anyway.

Somehow he manages to get inside the class and if the professor was going to complain about his delay he changed his mind because the old man did not stop his lecture and Haruka took his seat in silence. _Maybe the professor doesn’t care, after all._

He turns around and realizes that the other student’s canvas are still packed with light brown paper, which means he did not miss the discussion about the assignment. _Good._

Half an hour later, after lots of words from the professor about Salvador Dalí and his art, the class finally gathers in a circle, and each one of the students shows everyone else about their painting. Some of them are astonishing, some are difficult to understand and some are just not there yet.

Haruka does not do ‘nervous’. His ice deep eyes stare at his class mates while showing his canvas because he is confident on his work. It is pretty good. It is not that he is a show off, or that he thinks he has a lot of talent.

It is that Tachibana said so. And that is all the opinion he cares about.

So when he receives the praising, and the claps, and the bumps on his shoulders and the kind smiles, he just says ‘thank you’. That is enough.

He doesn’t really understand how a waterfall canvas can make people feel so many deep emotions when he spots a couple of tears over some flush cheeks. He knows what the painting means, but _can people really get it just by looking at it_?

Maybe his confusion and nearly obsession over the forest eyed boy dropped in the canvas somehow, staining it, maybe it is all over the shapes and the colors he used.

Maybe Makoto felt it too. He smiles a little thinking about the boy’s words earlier.

 

* * * * *

 

After that, Haruka blacks out for over twenty eight hours. He was so tired for not sleeping properly over the past week that as soon as he gets home, he drops on the bed and forgets about the world outside the apartment walls.

 

* * * * *

 

He wakes up at a loud banging at his door.

“HARU-CHAN, WE KNOW YOU ARE NOT DEAD! YOU BETTER OPEN THE DOOOOOR!”

“Damn Haru, just open the fucking door!”

Shit. For all his worth, the raven haired boy just wants cuddle and roll back to bed, but if he doesn’t gets up now things will only get worse. He does need to get a lecture from the student hall advisor _again_.

He puts a clean shirt on as he approaches the front door, opening it without any warning. Nagisa almost falls on top of him, fists hitting Haruka in the chest.

“Ah, sorry Haru-chan” the teenager says as he steadies himself. Then his face lits up. “You are awake! And alive! We were really worried, you know?” he pouts.

He is smaller than Haruka, but ten times louder, God knows why.

Rin casually enters the house, cool as always, patting Haru on the shoulders on his way in. “Yo. You better not disappear for so long again, Haru or else. Nagisa was eating my soul alive.” He rolls his eyes, annoyed tone present in his voice.

_So long? Wait, how long have I been sleeping?_

“What day is today?” he asks, moving to the kitchen to starting making some breakfast for them. Mackarel for haruka and Rin, The strawberry cake Nagisa left on his fridge last week is still intact, and it will be enough to please the blond.

“It is fucking Saturday afternoon. Jesus, Haru, what have you been doing? Were you painting?”

Damn. It was this late already?

“Ah, can I see it? Please! I really love your paintings.” Nagisa and Rin sits at their usually table, putting the dishes on the table, ready for when Haruka resumes cooking.

Haruka bites his lips, trying to hold back a smile. It felt comfortable to be with his friends today. No wonder they were freaking out, they always got together during Saturday morning at the nearby pool. And Haruka have never missed their meetings before.

Well, he has never been this busy before either.

Haruka is glad he is part of the swim team; otherwise he would be furious for not being able to meet the water that morning.

“It is on the studio, back in the Arts Building” is the curt replay. “I took a photo though” He turns the fish on the pan, Rin fast to his feet to grab the phone on the counter and dropping on the wood chair one more time, Nagisa’s head resting on top of his shoulders.

Haruka knows he is very much screwed when he hears the laughers and giggles from behind his back, so he leans over the counter, placing his delicate hands on the cold metal. He had thought they would not comprehend the meaning behind the piece.

He makes a mental note to never underestimate his friends again.

“God Haru-chan, I didn’t know you could get more romantic that you already were!”

“Jeez Haru, why did you –” The laugher starts to die in Rin’s lips, and he assumes a more contemplative tone. “But his eyes are really this green, huh? I could have drawn better if I tried, just so you know.” He smirks. Of course he does. _Of course he does_. This jerk.

Nagisa is still laughing when he says “I wonder what Mako-chan would say if he sees it. I mean, you always draw things with him in your mind, but he doesn’t even know about it! The guy is clueless.” the boy wipers the tears away from his magenta eyes. “It makes me kind of sad. Sorry for teasing you, Haru.”

“Nah, Haru is fine. Sunny boy _would have_ a clue if he bothered to come down to earth to hang out with normal humans for once.” Rin puts his arms behind his back, grin spreading over his face, shark teeth showing while he stares intently at Haruka.

For a long moment the blue eyed boy eats in silence, averting the gaze of those two mischievous boys in front of him. Then he thinks better of it. He was already in hell anyway.

“Actually - he likes it.”

He doesn’t need to say anything more, since Nagisa is choking in his meal and Rin is patting his back with a shocked expression on his face, their voices reaching Haruka’s ears at the same time.

“He did – WHAT?”

“What the hell? When on earth did you talk to the green eyes?”

Much to Haruka’s dismay they don’t stop there though.

“Did you dare to talk to Mako-chan without me? I thought we were together in this!”

“Oh my god you two totally make out, didn’t you? Why is life so unfair. I mean, I am right here, all glorious in my sexy naked body and there Makoto goes straight to the fish boy’s net.” He is talking to Nagisa by now, a ridiculous pouting on his face. “Why is life so unfair, Nagisa, tell me, coz I really need to know.”

“Hey. Stop that already.” Haruka was getting kind of pissed off. “Aren’t you with Sousuke? Why do you need Makoto anyways?”

“You – look, Sousuke fucking _understands_ , okay?” He moves his long hands in the air, then locks a strand of red hair back in his ponytail. “I already talked to him about it, we have an agreement.”

“Rin… did you just say you talked to your boyfriend about Mako-chan? You don’t even know him.” Nagisa says in a gentle manner, but the _why are you that stupid_ words don’t go unnoticed by Haruka. He agrees.

“Hell yeah I did! And I said it is okay, didn’t I?” Nagisa and haruka exchange glances. “Makoto is the only exception though, even for Sousuke. I mean, have you seen his body? There is no way we would say no. But I thought Sousuke was my biggest rival on this, should have known better.” He sighs in defeat.

Why did his friends have to be so freak annoying?

This was not a race. Everyone on the university they attend to seemed to think of Makoto as some kind of prize, but Haruka doesn’t want to compete for Makoto, especially not with Rin or Sousuke, for god’s sake.

Haruka just wanted to tell them what Makoto said, not only with his words, but also with his eyes, eyes that seem to carry so much wisdom among those wonderful shades of green.

Nagisa and Rin exchange glances and they both crack laughing out loud, their giggles filling the small kitchen for the hundredth time in like, ten minutes.

“Jeez Haru, this is the best news ever, you know? But how did you meet him before I did?”

“Tell us everything Haru-chan. Don’t hold back because we are together in this, aren’t we?” Nagisa puts his hands over Haruka’s on the small table and squeezes it.

There it is. The friends Haruka cherishes so much, their simple words warming him up a bit. “He likes it” he repeats in a small voice.

This time, when he glances up to stare at Nagisa and Rin, they wear a fond, delightful expression, and listen to everything Haruka has to say. Giggling, yelling, panicking and freaking out over almost every single detail, but listening nonetheless.

 

* * * * *

 

Haruka is an arts student who is also a member of the swim team. This means he doesn’t have much free time, especially since the first tournament of the school year is approaching.

He can feel the excitement from the point of his fingers to the tip of his toes. Every breath he gives is a little closer to his goal. He doesn’t mind things like winning or losing, but he minds the feeling of swimming along other people who can feel the water almost as much as he does.

In the water, he can understand people better then outside of it. He can sense their very souls, their thoughts, and he can convey his feelings with easy. In land he struggle with words and is impatient when it comes to express himself. He thinks letting people know about his thoughts is really a bother.

With the tournament coming, the amount of swimming practice increases and he gets home exhausted every day. He spends every free moment on the arts studio, taking care of his assignments or in the library, writing his papers and drinking coffee like crazy.

Even though he is happy, being a university student is far more tiring than he originally thought it would be.

On Wednesday, by the time their coach signs the end of the training for the day, and Haruka finally leaves the pool and looks up at the clock, he realizes he is not going to make it to the coffee shop. It is past the time.

Rin just joins him and jokes about it, patting him on the shoulders and saying he will see Makoto next week. It is not like they talk with each other, anyways.

But Haruka doesn’t listen. He doesn’t care a bit if Makoto is going to talk with him or not. He has no idea how to explain to his friend that just by seeing that smile once a week makes he feel at easy. He has grown to love the short time that he is able to see that.

For the time being, he just glares at the clock once more and heads to the changing rooms with Rin on his toes.

 

* * * * *

 

It is always very quiet in Haruka’s apartment, but today he is more aware of that somehow. He is already at his limit, his skin is pricking and it doesn’t matter what he does, the uneasy feeling won’t go away. He had already grilled mackerel, cleaned the house, finished his homework, and for now he is starring at his favorite reality show on TV but is unable to force himself to pay attention to it.

Haruka has to admit that he is a bit off this evening. Is this what addiction feels like? Is it possible to be addicted to a person?

He brushes his damp hair out of his forehead. There is at least one thing he can do.

Walking graciously like a cat, he heads to the bedroom, and takes the blue box from under the bed. It is a simple cardboard box, navy blue on the laterals. It was a gift from Nagisa, but the blond will never know its purpose for Haruka. He will never know what Haruka keeps inside. This is a secret the raven boy is not ready to share with anyone else.

He holds it for a long time before sitting on the edge of the bed and opening it carefully. He smiles a little while his eyes scan the neatly cut pieces of paper, all of them exposing different editions of Tachibana’s weekly editorial for the university newspaper.

He takes the one on top of the pile to read.

 

* * * * *

 

_August, 23._

_Hi, Tachibana-san! I am always looking forward to read this section, it helps me calms down every time. Today I have a request to make tough. Could you please talk about getting over an uneasy feeling? Sometimes when I get frustrated with something I don’t know what to do and I wish I knew how to make things better. I know it is a hard one, but please, I am counting on you!_

Hello there! I am happy to hear you enjoy this silly section. I for sure have a lot of fun writing it! Well, your request is a hard one, but I will try my best to convey what I think about it, even though I am not aware of your hardships or the struggles that you are facing.

Do you know those days when everything feels lifeless and gray, when it is raining heavily but you are the only one who can actually see it? When it doesn’t matter how much you want to, things are not alright? Unfortunately, I believe each one of us knows this feeling very well.

I wish we didn’t have to deal with it. I wish we could clasp our fingers and someone else would come and take care of us and makes everything better. But I know that is not how reality works.

There are different ways to approach your problems. Sometimes all you need is some time off from all of your worries, a time where you can be at easy and do the things that you love. Other times, when that is not enough, you have to face the problems head on, trying to figure it out how to change your life when you are not satisfied with it anymore.

I may not be the best person to talk about it since facing something heads on scares me. I am not a coward, but my preferred way of dealing with things is more subtle. I try to think about a course of action where everyone can be happy in the end. I try to balance the expectations that come from others and the ones that come from me. That is not always easy though.

What I am trying to say is that, in the end of the day, you are the person who knows your problems better than anyone. I am sure you are strong enough to get a hold of your destiny, and do great things your own way. Do what you love, no matter what people say, or your insecurities about it. Chase the dream you are looking forward to.

If you want to read books, read it. If you want to save Japan, go ahead and try. And if you just want to laugh watch some cat videos on the internet because those are hilarious and never fail to make me feel better.

I hope this helps you in any way. I am actually looking forward to your answer, don’t hold back and let us know if things worked out in the end. If they didn’t, I can always try again.

Have a great week!

_Tachibana Makoto._

* * * * *

 

Haruka closes his eyes and holds the piece of paper on his chest. He smiles softly at the words he just read and decides what to do. Needless to say that he spends the rest of the night watching cat videos on the internet, all alone in his room, eating ice cream and feeling a lot better.

_See you next week, Makoto._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Haruka is annoyed, the swim team should really keep quiet and Ryuugazaki Rei shows up!

There is a breaking point for everyone. Unfortunately, the art student Nanase Haruka might be reaching his limits pretty soon.

The blue-eyed boy likes to think of himself as a strong person. However, the uneasy feeling in his guts is starting to annoy him to no end.

If he ever overcomes the life-changing person named Tachibana Makoto he will never allow himself to have a crush again. It is a trap, it sucks, and it is never happening again.

Something is off about Haruka’s behavior lately. He finds himself daydreaming more often, his mind keeps bringing flashes of Tachibana up, and his eyes wonder on its own, covering any area for traces of messy hair, good looks and a sticking green.

Whenever he catches himself thinking of those things, Haruka reassures himself that he will die alone. Maybe with Nagisa and Rin by his side, but that doesn’t really matter right now.

Having a crush on someone is hard. He can’t even begin to imagine how to be in a relationship feels like. It must hurt like hell.

It all comes down to three weeks. Three whole weeks full of college assignments, practice for the upcoming tournament, lonely nights and zero Makoto. He is not even lucky enough to catch glimpses of the taller boy on campus. It feels like if the guy had completely vanished from Haruka’s life, without any previews warning.

Haruka snorts. _Really, warning? It is not like he owns me anything, we barely know each other. He could move on to Paris and I would never have to know._

The problem lays right there. He wants to know. He wants to know _every single thing_.

Despite his neat composure, the situation bothers Haruka. He feels uneasy, even though he might never say the words out loud, or let it show on his face. If he can’t stop thinking about it, the least he can do is maintain his strong appearance.

He may have a soft spot for Tachibana. But the truth is that, in Haruka’s life, the water always comes first.

Also, it is not like he has the time to chase Tachibana around. He has a life, mind you.

So when the day he is supposed to be at the coffee shop arrives, he finds himself practicing with his team instead. The students are divided into groups of four, and each group is competing against the other in a free relay.

As turns out, today is a special day.

Apparently, two members of the University newspaper team are coming to take pictures and make a few interviews. This is necessary for the next tournament coverage. Based on his previews experience, Haruka is sure that by ‘members’ his coach meansRyuugazaki Rei and Shigino Kisumi.

Although he doesn’t mind Ryuugazaki that much, he despises Shigino. The guy is clingy, annoying and always finds a way to make Haruka feel uncomfortable. Needless to say that Haruka’s mind is already thinking of a safe way to escape this upcoming interview.

An abrupt movement brings his thoughts back to the present. As expected, Rin is currently on a different team, choosing to swim the same style as Haruka, even though he is also good at the butterfly.

There is a huge _bring it on_ grim adorning his stupid face.

“On your marks” Coach Sasabe alerts. “Now!”

At the command, Haruka jumps and dives in the pool with a perfect posture. As soon as the water touches his body he feels immediately better, accepting and being accepted by the being he loves most. But then he starts to feel the heat of his opponent, spreading wide through the waves and splashes. A heat that is strong enough to break his chain of thoughts and make him focus solemnly on the task of swimming.

He loses himself in the competition, moving fiercely through the surface of the water until he touches the far wall, a nanosecond ahead of Rin. Instead of taking his goggles off and climbing out of the pool like his teammates did, he chooses to go for another lap. He doesn’t listen to Rin’s complaints, he doesn’t really care. Haruka is not ready. He can hear the rush of voices and he knows the newspaper guys have arrived.

The world could as well be on fire outside this pool, but here on the water Haruka never felt more at ease. His muscles and every inch of his body relax as he keeps going, chasing a little piece of mind while he still can.

Once he is finished, he finally resurfaces to the loud earth world, shakes the raven hair out of his forehead and climbs out of the pool, praying to whatever god is out there to not be forced to talk. He looks up to his coach direction, his narrowed eyes searching for light pink hair, but he freezes when he notices a soft shade of brown instead.

The breath gets stuck in his throat, and his mind has to be playing tricks with him – except it isn’t. Tachibana Makoto is standing in all his glorious self on the right side of the pool, next to Coach Sasabe, impossible green eyes locked on his wide blue ones.

 _No, no, no, no. Oh God_.

Haruka swallows.

 

* * * * *

 

It is beyond ridiculous how just the sight of Tachibana send shivers of relief through his whole body.  His sore muscles start to relax under the steady, curious gaze.

“Yo. Over here, Haru”. A voice calls.

Blinking slowly, Haruka realizes that the voice belongs, in fact, to Rin and that his teammates are standing in a half circle in front of Coach Sasabe, Ryuugazaki, and Tachibana. Feeling his cheeks start to turn red, he hurries and stands next to Rin, who hands him a towel.

The raven boy is aware that his features are considered pretty to most people. Apparently, and according to Nagisa, his bright blue eyes, cream skin color, and defined muscles attract people’s attention. He even enjoys his reflection in the mirror sometimes.

But right now, while dripping wet and wearing nothing but a tight pair of jammers, he can’t help but feel a little self-conscious.

“As I was saying” Cach Sasabe resumes for the students “The newspaper team is here to make a few interviews and take pictures of you guys. All you have to do is go for a few laps on the pool, just so Ryuugazaki can take a couple of photographs of each of you. The few students that I am about to call must also go change and talk to Tachibana here” he grabs the green-eyed boy by his shoulders “for a second. After this, you are all dismissed for the day.

The coach eyes the young boys to make sure they understood the message and then continues “The students I chose are Matsuoka Rin, Ikuya Kirishima, Asahi Shiina, and Nanase Haruka.” 

Before Haruka can even process the information, his coach points at him and shouts loudly.

“And you! Nanase, you are not allowed to complain about it this time! You are by far the best in the free style and people want to hear more about it. You have to go there and explain how it works for them. This team needs you to do it, whether you like it or not.” The man then closes his arms around his chest, in a determined body posture, ready for a good fight.

The blood goes hot into his veins, he gets feverish and opens his mouth to retort something back – but then he thinks better of it.

On a usual day, Haruka’s bad behaved mouth would be cursing horrible things until the coach would give up and leave him be. But today is a special day, after all.

He looks up and stares at the coach.

“I will do it”.

 

* * * * *

 

“Eh???” the whole swimming team whines in incredulity.

“In less than five minutes!”

“Is Nanase ill or something?”

“This has to be a new record, right?”

The not so subtle whispers are giving him a headache. He has never hated his teammates more than at this right second. He can even make out Rin trying to cover his laughs by his side, shoulders shaking lightly.

Coach Sasabe’s mouth hangs open in the air. “Nanase” his eyes are watery “I feel like you are so grown up. Have you finally realized how wise I am and decided to follow all of my orders from now on?

Pouting, Haruka turns to his side. “Not really.” He turns back. “Do you want me to do it or not?” his voice sounds harder than he intended.

“Yes, yes, it is fine. You can be the first. Go ahead and then you are dismissed for the day.”

The swimmer risks a glance at Tachibana, whose eyes are dancing around the scene, a soft smile gracing his lips. The boy looks _amused_.

When Haruka moves to the pool, suddenly Ryuugazaki steps up and interrupts him.

“Nanase-kun, there is no need for you to go back to the pool. You were swimming so gracefully before that I could not help but take pictures so that part is covered already”. He holds the camera in front of his chest, moving it a little to show Haruka that the pictures are there, indeed.

The purple haired boy must have noticed the horror in Haruka’s eyes, or the unusual silence that took place at the scene, because he added in a less certain tone of voice “It was really beautiful”.

That is it. Haruka can’t take it anymore. His stupid teammates, his immature coach, and the things they said in front of Tachibana. On top of that, who does this Ryuugazaki guy think he is to stop Haruka from swimming?

This conversation is going nowhere, so he just heads to the changing room without saying a word, hoping to gather some of his dignity back along with his clothes before facing Tachibana again.

 

* * * * *

 

_Maybe he did not listen to everything._

He puts his gray shirt over his head.

_Maybe he was busy taking mental notes._

He pushes his sweater pants up.

_Maybe he doesn’t even remember anymore._

He grabs his black shoes and put them on.

_He will not remember this._

_He seems to always forget about me, anyway._

He stands still, trying to catch his breath, already wearing his complete team uniform.

“Haru. It is time.”

Startling, Haruka looks up and finds Rin leaning against the wall opposite to him, arms crossed.

“I know”.

“You know what, Haru?” Rin speaks up. “Forget about those guys, their stupid teasing, forget it all. They know nothing about you. Get your tiny little ass up there and give a blood great interview. Leave the sunny boy _speechless_.”

Haruka smiled a little. “I don’t have a tiny little ass.”

“How would I know that? And nope, I don’t wanna see it, thank you very much. But – I will do my best on my interview, and it is gonna be so fucking great, like the best interview in the history of ever. And I want you to do the same. Can you do that?”

Haruka consider that for a second. He can feel it now, the energy running inside of him, renewed. He nods. “I can.”

Because he realizes he can.

“Thank you, Rin.”

Rin just smirks. “Let’s go, tiger.”

Haruka joins him. “I thought I was a dolphin.”

“Ha-ha! Not at this moment! Dolphins know nothing about seduction, thank god. They are not as cool as sharks.”

They are stupid and childish, but somehow Rin’s words bring peace to his mind, very much like Nagisa’s. This is what family feels like, right?

By the time they leave the changing room, every embarrassment disappear from Haruka’s consciousness. There is only one remaining thought.

_Bring it on, Tachibana._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know when you have a crush, and every single person seems to be conspiring against you? Yep, that is what this chapter is about.
> 
> Next time: Tachibana Makoto and his smooth voice and his smooth hair and his smooth words and everything that is smooth about him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the interview finally happens.

“So, Nanase-kun, do you mind if I record this interview?”

The question is more rhetoric than anything since Tachibana is already busy setting the audio recorder up and placing the notebook and pencil on the table by his side. They sit facing each other, knees almost touching, in Coach Sasabe’s private room. The place is small, but holds a table, one main chair (that they prompt ignored), two smaller plastic chairs, a locker, and large window made of glass with a view to the pool.

After five minutes, Haruka learned that, for an interview to work out, it is necessary to be in a quiet place so his voice can be recorded. Then Tachibana can listen to it later and write the story down based on the audio.

The blue-eyed boy takes his time to admire the other boy. He is wearing a light gray cardigan with a black t-shirt underneath, a masculine necklace, jeans and his dark-framed glasses that fit perfectly on his strong jaw and smooth pale skin.

“No. Go ahead.” He remembers of answering.

At the sound of his voice, Tachibana looks at him and smiles. He inclines his body towards Haruka, elbows resting on his knees.

“I assume you don’t do this often. Am I right?”

They lock eyes. _After everything you have heard, do you still have any doubts?_

Surprisingly, the boy seems to understand Haruka’s thoughts because the next second his gaze is on the floor, hands pushing the bangs out of his forehead.

“Sorry, that was an unnecessary question. It is just that –” he hesitantly glances up at Haruka. “Knowing that the situation is new to you makes me feel more confident.”

Haruka simply raises an eyebrow. _What?_

“Well, first of all, I am not the person responsible for covering sports for the newspaper. That would be Kisumi, and he is very good at what he does. He called in sick this morning, and the team needed me so I came on his behalf. But I was kind of apprehensive about it.” He laughs a little.

Tachibana reminds Haruka of a puppy, and the swimmer does everything he can to control his fingers and stop them from reaching out for the other boy. In the small room, Haruka can faintly smell his cologne. His broken senses tell him to get closer and _properly smell it_.

“Do you swim?” Haruka manages to keep still at his seat.

“I used to, as a kid.” He shrugs, hands on his chin while thinking about the answer. “Then I played basketball. I really enjoyed the muscle training though.”

The raven boy can’t help but glare at him. _How could someone ever choose muscle training over swimming?_ He had thought Tachibana would have some sense in his pretty brain.

A large smile adorns Tachibana’s face. “I know, it is unusual and please don’t make this face. It was fun, okay? At least until I found something better” he holds the pen and shakes it a little in front of Haruka to emphasize his point.

His forest green eyes glitter by the mention of the things he loves. Right there, Haruka decides that Tachibana’s love must be beautiful, deep and vast, to shine out of him like this.

“You will do okay.” He motions his hands in the air. “In this interview, I mean.”

Tachibana’s eyes flashes to Haruka’s hands and back to his face.

“Thank you” his smile is caring and gentle. “You will do great too.”

Then his eyes get a determined edge to his usually soft colors. “I will make sure of it.” He winks.

 

* * * * *

 

“Sorry, this is supposed to be all about you, and here I am, talking about myself. Shall we begin?”

Haruka sits straighter in the plastic chair and nods. Tachibana assumes a professional posture and pushes the button on the audio recorder. It starts emitting a soft red light.

“Good morning. Could you please tell me your name and major?

“Nanase Haruka. I am majoring in Studio Arts, with a minor in Graphic Design.”

“How long have you been swimming?”

“I started as a child.”

“What is your style?”

“I only swim free.”

“Why did you decide to swim at college as well?”

Haruka considers this for a while. “Why did you decide to write for the newspaper?”

Makoto only smiles and nods. “Good point. How do you manage your major and the everyday practice?”

A short silence stretches between them. “What do you mean?”

“Well. I know a bit about the art assignments and how heavy they can get. Even though being an art student can be a handful, I understand you are still one of the best swimmers on the team. Is managing it all a hard thing for you to do?”

 _Oh._ The other boy expression is serious as if trying to decipher Haruka, but his tone of voice is even and quiet. Some part of his brain acknowledges that Tachibana has just complimented him.

Not knowing what to say, Haruka lets the words hanging between them while he collects his own thoughts.

 _Is it hard to do both?_ He thinks about the past month and how he was unable to do a lot of the things he wanted to do, all for the sake of keeping his scholarship. _Yes, I think so._

It is usually difficult to wake up for practice in the morning when he spends all of his free time at the studio, painting a universe of different canvas every night. Most of the time, he is in a bad mood, tired, sore, and there are dark circles under his eyes due to the lack of sleep.

There is a difference between loving to paint and painting because your professor asked you to. Haruka doesn’t regret his choice of major, but sometimes being unable to decide on the themes of his own assignments troubles him.

The only thing keeping him sane through it all is the time he spends in the water. No matter how exhausted he feels, once he dives into the pool everything gets better.

Turning his attention back to Tachibana, he answers in the best way he can.

“Yes. But the water heals me.”

The sand-haired boy had been writing a couple notes on the plain notebook. Without looking up, he hides a smile by biting his lower lip once he hears the answer.

“I see. Is this your first tournament?”

“Yes.”

“How do you feel about it? Are you excited?”

“Yes.” He is excited.

“And which categories are you swimming?

“The 100m and 200m, freestyle”.

“I heard the team you are competing against is very a good opponent. They have won the last five tournaments by far. What do you think about it?

Haruka might have been in heaven just by being in Tachibana’s company, but he was getting kind of bored of all those silly questions. Can’t they just skip to the part where Tachibana pushes him over the table and kisses him senseless? _Probably not._

He sighs. “I don’t care.”

Tachibana just stares at him, curiosity spread across his features.

“Don’t you care that they might win?”

Haruka's gaze finds the pool behind the glass window. Rin is still swimming while Ryugazaki takes pictures from just the right, impossible angles. He can’t deny that the purple-haired boy is a very good photographer.

“I just want to feel the water. And keep my scholarship. If to do that I am required to win, then I will do my best. If that is not enough, then I will try harder next time.” He stares at his black shoes, voice barely a whisper. “I won’t hold it against them if they win.”

It is quiet for a moment until Tachibana speaks up.

“Yeah, I understand, Nanase-kun.” The boy reaches out for the notebook. “Bear with me just for a few more questions, okay?”

Haruka nods. “Okay”.

“Well, what about the practices? Can you tell me anything about the training you have been doing for the past month?”

 

* * * * *

 

Tachibana keeps writing on the notebook, and Haruka keeps admiring him. He gets lost in the curve of the other’s brows knitted together in concentration, in the way the green-eyed boy holds his breath as if his ideas would disappear from his body along with the air. He observes the notes, interested in how the boy writes in every direction and fills every blank edge of the paper with a very messy handwriting.

Tachibana finally presses his forefinger to the button on the side of the audio recorder, and the red light disappears.

“Well, this was it!” he claps his hands. “I am so sorry for interrupting your practice and dragging you here just for the sake of my report, Nanase-kun”.

The blue-eyed boy is not sure of how to proceed now. He only nods. They still sit across from each other, and Haruka is aware that he is supposed to get up so Tachibana can interview someone else, but he doesn’t want to leave the sunny boy just yet.

After so many mornings without seeing him, those green eyes now hold more meaning to Haruka than ever before.

“It is fine. I wanted to come.” He stares at the joined fingers rested on his lap.

“You did well” Tachibana reassures him. “Your answers were different from what I was expecting.”

Haruka glances up. _What were you expecting?_

Green eyes focus on Haruka’s crossed fingers for a moment.

“It is bad, but I was expecting more of ‘I want to win the tournament so badly’ and less of ‘I just want to feel the water’” he faked his voice to the different intonations and then laughed a little “but I think your answers were a lot better, actually.”

The corners of Haruka’s lips turn slightly upright. “I am sure you will hear those words from the other swimmers though.”

“Yeah, you are probably right.” Tachibana sighs dramatically, laughs some more, eyes laid on Haruka.  
While they stare at each other, a light smile on their faces, a comfortable silence surrounds them. From this distance, Haruka can distingue every shade of that beautiful green, he can trace each line of his favorite face. He notices how soft those sand locks really are.

Right now, Tachibana smells like fresh dreams and summer nights, citrusy and delicious.

“You can call me Haru.” The words leave his mouth before he can get a hold of them.

The taller boy lights up a little as if those five words were really unexpected.

“Thank you. Haru” he pronounces Haruka’s name slowly. “Then you can call me Makoto.” His new smile is dazzling and Haruka’s heart comes back to life, all comfort vanishing from the air while thick electricity takes its place.

Something catches in his throat, and he notices that Tachibana – _Makoto_ feels it too.

“Makoto” he rolls the name on his tongue. He thinks it tastes _just_ _right_.

After a beat, Makoto talks again.

“Listen, Haru, do you –”

Whatever he was going to say gets lost once his eyes flash to the door behind Haruka. It’s almost unnoticeable, but Haruka detects a change in his smile. “Rei, what’s up?”

_So Ryugazaki is here, huh? Which means… just how long have I been here?_

Haruka turns to see Ryugazaki standing at the entrance, an apologetic look on his face.

“Makoto-kun, I am sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know that Matsuoka is ready for the interview. We are kind of short on time.”

“Oh! I am so sorry Rei, I will interview Matsuoka right away.” He glances back at Haruka. “Thank you, Haru, it was very kind of you to talk to me and help us with this report. I hope you will like the result once it comes out.” Even though his expression is warm, Makoto has assumed his professional appearance one more time.

The understanding that he has been dismissed doesn’t hurt him. The swimmer deduces that he has had his fair share of Tachibana, more than he ever did in the past. It is not enough to compensate for all the uneasy he felt over the past days, but it is _something_. So much more than he had a few hours ago. So he just gets up and heads towards the door.

“Goodbye, Makoto, Ryugazaki.”

Ryugazaki bows a little. “Goodbye, Nanase-kun. Thank you and take care.”

The blue-eyed boy is leaving when he hears Makoto calling out his name and turns, surprised.

Makoto is on his feet, holding the audio recorder device in one hand, the pen placed on his left ear.

“Good luck at the tournament, Haru. Give your best.”

The boy nods and his smile is the brightest thing Haruka has ever laid his eyes on. The image will be imprinted in his very being, and it will be the last thing his mind conjures right before drifting into unconsciousness every night for weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Haruka is a swimmer, art student and is also going to learn about graphic design? Yes, of course. Just like in real life everything is possible guys.
> 
> All the lovely comments and kudos made my life so much happier. The support has been amazing, thank you all for joining this ride with me. I hope it will be a fun one!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the tournament happens, Nagisa bakes and Haruka makes an important discovery.

In the end, the tournament comes and the tournament goes.

It is weird to think that the same event that stood in the spotlight of Haruka’s life for so long passes like nothing more than a fresh breeze. In the blink of an eye, it was just _gone_.

The freestyle swimmer Nanase Haruka remembers flashes of the event, of course.

He remembers thinking that everything was too much, too bright and too loud.

The dark haired boy hadn’t known where to look at or where to go at first. Several schools were competing on that same day and the contrast of the team uniforms were creating a personal rainbow inside the gigantic gymnasium. The wide-eyed boy kind of wanted to convey all that beauty on a canvas, somehow.

It is the truth that he had enrolled in competitions before, during his childhood. He even has a few gold medals back at home. But he had never found himself in an event this big.

His own match only started mid-morning, so he sat on the bench with Rin and his other teammates to cheer for his University team. At least on the outside they were cheering while Haruka’s blank face was simply watching. In the inside though, it was a different story. Thankfully, after so many months spending every day together, the team members already recognized the deadpan face for what it was: a façade, a mask, so they let Haruka be.

The young adult could make out Nagisa’s shine blond hair on the other side of the large, brilliant pool, sitting with a couple of friends from his Acting class.

Rin laughed and Haruka smirked once they saw the colorful ‘HARU-CHAN, RIN-CHAN, DO YOUR VERY BEST!!!’ sign. It was so Nagisa.

Haruka was not nervous. He was… unsure about what he was feeling. But it felt good. It was strange, but the anticipation and the steady loud noises around him carried his mind to an almost peaceful place.

In the intervals between the many matches, his cobalt eyes vaguely started to wonder across the room, just like they usually did. He saw the benches getting more and more crowded. Balloons, food, and people were mixing together in the background.

He saw a flash of light and blue eyes traced its way to purple hair, red glasses, and comfortable clothes. A very athletic Ryugazaki Rei kept running back and forth while holding his camera in order to not miss a single shot. Haruka was amazed because the guy was pretty fast. The swimmer thought that maybe Ryugazaki was a little like the wind: fast, strong and capable of spreading itself everywhere.

Then his eyes laid on Shigino Kisumi and his bubblegum clothes. The view of the other dressed in yellow and light pink clothes was sickly sweet. Haruka frown in distaste.

The mass communication student held a notebook, pen and an audio recorder just like the one Makoto used to interview Haruka in the past. Perhaps it was the same one. After all, the main equipment the news team used belonged to the university, right?

When the pink-haired boy walked past Ryugazaki, they talked a little bit and then brightly high-fived each other, out of nowhere. It was so suddenly that Haruka was a bit surprised. He had thought that Ryugazaki was a serious person. Then he watched the boys go in different directions, possibly trying to cover as much of the event as humanly possible.

It was only then that Haruka noticed that Kisumi was, in fact, not alone. There was a petit gray-haired boy following him around, a professional video camera resting on his right shoulder, a determined expression on his younger face. The art student almost felt bad for the other boy because the device looked pretty heavy for him to carry alone.

His brain admitted defeat once it saw no sign of the person he was looking for.

Oh well.

For the second time in 10 days, he was disappointed.

After that interview, Haruka had expected to see what Makoto would say about him on the report. God, he even dreamed about it, he was so nervous. But all the notes that came out in the university newspaper that week had been written by Shigino Kisumi.

Oh well. He sighed.

A shout from Coach Sasabe brought him back to the present event. It was time.

From there on, all of Haruka’s thoughts became a mess.

He remembers moments of the competition per se, all the high of waiting for his turn to finally dive into the water. Then there was the lukewarm feeling of the water enveloping him, accepting him, and how eager his hands were to push through the wet being, his ragged breath and his pulsing heart doing intense laps in his chest.

There was the intrusion of having other people swimming in the same place as him, and how their movements only made his own body move faster, harder and more intensely than before.

He heard Nagisa’s cries, Coach Sasabe's bright cheers, and the liquid fluid in his ears, and once he touched the far wall, stood on the edge of the pool and opened his eyes everything was blurred and wet.

His name being shouted by an uncountable number of people on the stands startled him.

He was pulled out of the pool and then Rin was hugging him and then his teammates were hugging him, and then Nagisa was hugging him and then he could not think, he could not properly put the thought _that he had won_ together. He just felt the delirious pump in his heart and exhaled deeply.

He raced for the second time that day and was a victory again. It was _insane_.

Somehow he ended up back in the stands, resting along with his team members, who were actively cheering for the matches that were still taking place in the competition.

Kisumi tried to interview him, and Haruka doesn’t recall what he said to the guy, probably a bunch of nonsense. How was he expected to talk when he couldn’t even put himself together? He had no idea of what was going on, and he couldn’t calm down.

Everything was all too much, too bright and too loud.

And then everything turned into all different shades of green.

Suddenly his eyes focused on Makoto. The boy stood on the same side of the gymnasium, next to the benches. He was wearing a black hoodie and jeans. There was also a tablet in his hands.

But Haruka didn’t notice any of it. The only thing he saw was that Makoto was looking up at him with a large smile on his face, and the sparkles of joy reflected in the emerald eyes.

Then the taller boy’s lips started moving. The swimmer read ‘congratulations to you, mister’ in them. And those simple words were all the cheering he ever needed. They were enough to erase every noise and every face from his mind.

At that moment, in Haruka’s eyes, there was nothing else but that beautiful, absolutely splendid person in front of him.

 

* * * * *

 

“HARU-CHAN, ARE YOU SPACING OUT AGAIN?”

Haruka blinks, slowly coming back to planet earth. He stares at the mackerel grilling inside the pan in front of him. It has a perfect appearance, but Haruka realizes he had been cooking on the autopilot mode for some time now.

“I am sorry, Nagisa”. He says, turning the fish in the pan so the other side of it can grill properly.

His friend looks up at him.

“I know, Haru-chan. But is has been _days_ , and if you and Rin keep talking about how great the tournament was I will kill myself. Can we talk about something else, like unicorns, the animals channel or the new Avenger’s movie? Please? ” He has an expectant expression on his face.

“No” Haruka answers and turns his attention back to the food to hide his smile. He can hear Nagisa pouting and complaining behind his back. That boy is so predictable.

“Ahhh Haru-chan, but it looks so cool. Let’s go watch it this week! My friend at college told me to go, I am sure it will be so much fun.”

The smaller guy sits at the kitchen table, legs crossed up in the chair. He is busy separating the ingredients for the chocolate chip cookies he plans to bake. He got the recipe on the Internet and saved it on his cellphone. The blond haven’t started yet, but the kitchen is already a mess.

Haruka remains silent about it though. He recognizes how hard his friend is trying to bake something delicious for them because Nagisa has no talent what so ever in the kitchen. So the raven haired boy appreciates each one of his efforts. He can even say Nagisa has improved since the first time he tried.

“Why do you want to watch it so badly?”

“Well…Thor is hot.” They both laughed at this. Haruka can’t help it, _Thor is hot_ _indeed_.

“They are all hot. I like Captain America better though.” He adds, remembering the tight blue and red uniform and those blond locks of hair.

“Of course you do! I know you have a thing for good-natured boys!” Nagisa says while checking the recipe for the millionth time. Haruka only nods.

It is true, as long as good-natured Makoto is something to be counted though. Haruka doesn’t remember having feelings for anyone else the way he does for Makoto. Not that what he feels for Makoto is love. Haruka is certain that he has never loved anyone.

The boy understands about attraction and sexual desires, yes, he even had a few experiences in the past. He is not inexperienced. It felt good, but it was just a physical need. There was nothing more to it. Something like ‘love’ or ‘making love’ is still a foreign territory to him.

“You do too. Thor is good.”

“Oh, don’t even get me started” and so his friends jumps on the chair and starts rambling about how Thor is the best Avenger hands down, which is something that Haruka doesn’t agree with and happily stops listening to him for a second. With the years, the ability to shut Nagisa down became something like a second nature to him.

Despite his loud mouth, Haruka thinks that Nagisa is way more helpful than Rin, who just shows up asking for food, sits on Haruka’s couch and skypes with Sousuke.

_Every damn weekend._

Does he think it is Haruka and Nagisa’s job to feed him?

 _How_ _annoying_.

“Yo, guys, is it gonna take long? ‘Coz I am hungry.” _Speaking of the devil_. “Yeah, Sousuke, that is why I am thinner than you remember. They are not feeding me properly in here.” _The devil complains._

At this, Haruka turns off the oven, goes to the living room and pops his head in front of the computer screen. He is greeted by a sleepy Sousuke, who lays on his bed (it has to be a bed because Haruka can see that Sousuke’s head is resting on a pillow) and a white loose t-shirt.

“Come back, Sousuke. Please. Or take him away, whatever works best for you.” The art student says with his best deadpan face.

“Oi! I am still here!” Rin complains, arms moving wide in the air while Nagisa and Sousuke laugh. The blond leans against the door frame that separates the kitchen from the living room.

“Nope, I can only stand him for a couple days at a time” Sousuke smiles fondly at Haruka.

The aquamarine-eyed boy and Haruka have come so far. At the beginning of their relationship, they couldn’t understand each other and fought all the time. Haruka even argued with Rin because of that. How could Rin date someone so rude? Haruka could not wrap his head around it. It was so frustrating to him.

But now Haruka finally understood. Almost three years later, the boys could even call each other ‘friends’.

The swimmer is happy with the new friendship because he learned to care about Sousuke. The guy is scary at first but once you get to know him – really pushing through the thick wall he creates and entering his inner space – he shows his caring, loyal and affectionate side.

“Sousuke, don’t say that.” Rin rests his face on his hands. “I miss you so much, you know?” He hiccups.

 _Oh no._ There it comes.

Haruka and Nagisa exchange a knowing glance, and Haruka hurries to the safety of the kitchen with his friend on his toes. Rin can be aggressive and a player at times, but deep down he is nothing but a huge romantic. The shaking note in his friend’s voice told Haruka that one of those deep moments is about to start, and he can’t deal with that. At all.

Why can’t Rin skype with Sousuke in the safety of his own apartment? Why bothering to come to Haruka’s place?

Oh right. _Haruka has the food_.

Once the blue-eyed boy stops and gets a glass of water to drink, the blond says, “Haru-chan, I am sorry, but I forgot to buy some of the ingredients for the cookies.”

He washes the glass in the sink. “What ingredients?”

“The brown sugar and” Nagisa hesitates for a moment “the baking soda?” He smiles a frightened smile.

Haruka sighs. The mackerel can wait. He is not really hungry anyway.

There is no helping it, only Nagisa would forget about something so basic.

“It is okay, I will go get it. I have to buy a few things for myself, anyway.”

“Thank you Haru-chan! Ah – do you want me to come with you?” He glances at the living room.

“No, it is okay. Stay here with Rin. Make sure he doesn’t lose his cool. I will be right back.” The raven boy takes his navy blue apron off, grabs his wallet, slips his running shoes on and walks out of the door.

He plugs the earphones in his delicate ears and presses the button to turn his iPod on. The boy closes the door behind him and the indie pop music starts to play softly.

The evening sun greets him with orange rays of sunshine outside the apartment.

 

* * * * *

 

The neighborhood in which Haruka currently lives in is a really nice one. It is very quiet and close to the university, which means it is also close to where Rin and Nagisa live so they can see each other often between classes and get together on the weekends.

Haruka can comfortably walk the distance to the main street, where the supermarket and other food and clothes stores are placed. There is a park with a beautiful pond nearby, where he runs sometimes when his level of stress is beyond high.

The boy chose not to move in the dorms because he wanted to keep living by himself. Thankfully, the small apartment started to feel less cold and more like home since his first year as a university student.

Haruka is a sophomore now. And things are finally starting to go his way.

He was finally allowed to swim for the team. He finally got a compliment in his art. And he finally met Makoto in person.

After living in the shadows for so long, Haruka starts to feel the light peeking shyly through the black clouds, illuminating his life a little.

Maybe he can make it if he tries hard enough. Maybe he can be happy. Maybe he even deserves happiness, despite what… other people say.

Haruka has to buy the ingredients for the cookies, so he arrives at the supermarket first. He already knows the place by heart and wastes no time finding what he needs: the package of brown sugar and the baking soda his grandma used to put in her recipes.

He smiles at the little plastic box, a small reminder of his childhood, then heads to the cashier.

Once he pays for everything, Haruka walks out of the place and finds his way through the sideways, stopping only when he gets in front of his favorite art supply store.

Inside the huge store is everything an art student needs and probably more. The wide-eyed boy gets lost in all the interesting materials and takes his time choosing among the many kinds of notebooks and the watercolor pencils.

Haruka also checks the other departments to find out exactly how much the rest of the art supplies cost. He wants to be sure of how much money he affords to spend on leisure things and how much money he needs to save until the end of the semester.

By the time the student is satisfied and leaves the shop, the sun is hiding behind the tallest buildings and the street lamps are starting to glow. This is his favorite time of the day. He loves when everything feels magical and beautiful, and there is an ethereal blue filling the air.

He walks a little and notices a small coffee shop on the same side of the street. The rustic, simple shop is almost hidden next to all the other fancy stores with its bright signs and colors.

Actually, this is the first time Haruka pays attention to the place, especially because he only frequents the much bigger one across from the university.

But it is not the black and white ‘Coffee Lovers’ sign, or the brownish bricks, or the large glass window, adorned with little bubbles emanating yellow lights that covers the front of the shop, that attracts his attention. It is what rests behind said window that makes his heart squeeze.

There, resting his head on crossed arms on the wood table, face hidden from the world, lays a perfect combination of soft sand hair and wide shoulders. Despite the papers, post-its, pencils and other school supplies spread messily across the table, Haruka finds out that the person is, in fact, all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So why are the boys talking about the Avengers? Because I just watched the new movie yesterday, of course, haha my favorite Avenger is the Iron Man, he is like The Best. But I do have a crush on Captain America too, just like Haru.
> 
> I hope you guys like this new chapter. Thank you for the all the support, the kudos and the comments mean a lot to me :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rin worries, Haruka takes a leap of faith and a new bond is formed.

A soft breeze sails through the evening night and plays with the dark locks of Haruka’s hair. The young man touches the glass in front of him, caressing the cold material with his fingerprints.

Haruka spends a minute thinking about his next course of action. The artist could go home, back to the safety of his apartment and close friends, back to his delicious mackerel, favorite flavors and side dishes. Also, he could spend the rest of the weekend soaking in the tub, pretending not to think about the green-eyed boy, and return to this place only by the time he feels more prepared to deal with whatever hides behind the glass.

In other words, he could stay inside the thick little bubble of comfort zone that he calls ‘life’.

His hands close into a tight fist and his knuckles go white. The raven boy can’t wait until he is ready because that might never happen. What if Makoto is not going to be in this spot next week? What if this is a one in a lifetime chance?

After all, the sight of the mass communication student all alone is not an everyday kind of thing.

_I already waited for far too long for an opportunity. I can’t let it go to a waste._

As a result, there is just one option left. Haruka decides to put his bearings together, enter the Coffee Lover’s shop and wake Makoto up. Just like that.

Besides, the artist is a little concerned about the boy. Did he fall asleep unintentionally?

Haruka is also glad that he chose to wear decent clothes today, so there are no traces of painting staining the white material or his skin this time. He mentally pats himself on the back.

Inhaling deeply, Haruka turns the music player off and puts it in his front pockets. The swimmer closes his blue eyes, gathers the courage he needs, prays to all the gods out there for strength and slowly opens the coffee shop door.

A discreet sound comes from the bell above his head, and there is folk music playing in the background. Haruka recognizes the song. The small place is almost empty, saving for the old couple at the table next to the far wall, and for the teenager kids sitting by the neat counter. Once inside, Haruka lets the door close behind him.

The charming place feels cozy and comfortable, and the smell of coffee and cinnamon rolls fill the air. Haruka immediately approves the dark bricks and the simple black and white paintings hanging on the walls, as well as the beautiful vintage lamps hanging from the ceiling. He nods to the young barista at the counter, and finally turns to the side.

Sitting at the table close to the glass window is Tachibana Makoto. The boy rests his head on his folded arms, and Haruka can see the way his shoulders move with every breath that escapes the boy’s hidden lips. The street lights and the bubble lights from the shop dance around his now dark chocolate hair. On the table, there are all kinds of school materials, lots of notes, papers, pencils, and erasers.

For the very first time, Haruka considers that Makoto might be a little disorganized. The strangest thing is that he actually fancies the idea. It makes the sunny boy look a tiny less perfect.

He steps forward, stopping only once he is right next to the sleeping beauty.

Now that their bodies are so close to each other, Haruka hesitates for the second time that day. What if Makoto gets angry at Haruka? He does look like he is having a peaceful time, and the raven boy is about to interfere with it.

After considering the pros and cons of his choice, Haruka shakes his head. He is not backing down. He is not one to be so easily persuaded out of his decisions like that.

So instead of running away like a frightened kitten, he carefully places a feather light hand on the other’s shoulders and breathes out “Makoto.”

 

* * * * *

 

Haruka is startled once he feels Makoto’s torso tremble with a light chuckle out of nowhere.

“Haruka” The student tastes each syllable of the artist’s name, voice muffled because of the position in which his face rests. Then he turns his head to the side and curious green eyes focus straight into wide blue ones.

Haruka doesn’t say anything, just keeps his best poker face and hopes it doesn’t expose his traitor heart. Usually, Haruka hates when people call him by his full girly name. But something about the way Makoto stated it, making it sound almost like a prayer, shook him to the very core.

Nope, Haruka definitely did not like it. He didn’t. This is just his heart going crazy of its own accord. This is also just his hand tighten its grip slightly on the other’s body, clearly disobeying his wise brain just for the sake of being stubborn.

Makoto laughs some more. “I am so sorry. I know you told me to call you Haru. I just thought that Haruka has its appealing, you know? Your full name is lovely, Haru.”

The blue-eyed boy just stares at Makoto’s gorgeous lips, shaped into a genuine smile. Then he looks up at the boy’s eyes once again. He can feel his own ears getting pink.

“What are you doing here?” Haruka blankly changes the subject.

So what if they barely know each other and have no need whatsoever to share any intimacy? Haruka might as well push his luck. He has nothing left to lose, anyway.

A surprised look crosses Makoto’s face.

“Oh, did you think I was asleep, Haru?” The boy shakes his head. “No, I was just thinking.” He chuckles softly as if that explained everything.

_Then why did you keep your head down?_

This man is kind of confusing, Haruka’s head is spinning. Then he remembers Makoto’s answer. “Thinking?” his smooth voice asks.

“Yeah” The young man sits properly in the chair, elbows on the table, chin resting on his hands. He looks up at Haruka, and the swimmer observes that the dark glasses are nowhere to be found. “I have a few projects coming up, some reviews to write and a short story to submit on Monday.” His voice whines a bit at the end of the sentence. “I was thinking about the plot for the last one, actually.”

“I see.” Haruka glances around. “This is the first time I find you all by yourself.”

An upset expression flashes through Tachibana’s eyes. It happens in the blink of an eye, and then the boy puts a shy smile on his face instead, but it is enough for Haruka to instantly regret what he said.

The student directs his attention at his messy notes. “I guess it is, huh?” he remains silent for a couple seconds.

“Makoto” Haruka squeezes the other’s shoulders, encouraging the usually sunny boy to keep talking. He doesn’t like the gloomy expression he saw, not even a bit.

The sunny boy smiles again at Haruka’s concern.

“Well, everyone needs a place to hide sometimes. I care about my friends. I really do, and we always have the best time. But sometimes” he pauses to breathe and straightens his arms on the table, clasping his hands in the process “I have to be alone in order to get things done. My friends can be a handful” he laughs a little. “So I usually come here, because I always end up sleeping when I try to study at my apartment anyway.” He shrugs.

Then his eyes are back at Haruka’s, honest and pretty alive. “I feel good at this place. So much that I didn’t tell anyone about it.”

The whispered words take a heartbeat to sink into Haruka’s stomach.

_So even someone like you has particular moments when you want to be quiet?_

That knowledge doesn’t match properly with the image Haruka has of him, always so loud, always such a burning sun into Haruka’s shadow life.

Then a series of images crosses the artist’s mind.

 

 

_An overly confident Makoto walks through the University Halls like he owns it, surrounded by a group of people._

_A sweaty Makoto moves smoothly in the center of the dance floor, the neon lights gracing his features and wonderful smile, surrounded by a group of people._

_A talkative Makoto orders a beverage into the coffee shop across the university, surrounded by a group of people._

_A very muscular Makoto plays volleyball on the beach, the sun sending sparkles against the tan skin, surrounded by a group of people._

_A soaking wet Makoto helps to set things up for a concert in the university field under the heavy summer rain, surrounded by a group of people._

_A relaxed Makoto lies in the grass, eyes focused on the pages of an old book, the autumn leaves falling all over his handsome self, surrounded by a group of people._

_More often than not, the lively boy is accompanied by Ryugazaki Rei and Shigino Kisumi, but at other times Haruka can’t recognize the companion’s faces. Makoto is very popular, and is just normal that everyone competes for a little piece of his intense presence._

_In short, that are only a few things in his life that Haruka is completely, absolutely sure. One of them is that, every single time stalker Haruka had laid his eyes on the other boy, he wasn’t alone. Not even once._

 

 

The images in his memories don’t match with the one right in front of him.

This Makoto is still rambling and rubbing his eyes with his palms and saying things like “god, I have so much to study but I am so tired already”, his soft-looking gray t-shirt giving him a younger appearance. When the student lowers his hands, Haruka can see that his eyes are bright with the reflection of the streets lights, and the shadows created by the lamps play tricks on his face. There are dark spots underneath his eyelids, an effect of the lack of proper sleep.

“Is this place like a secret?” Haruka whispers to the drained boy.

“Yes, just like a secret” Makoto confesses and assumes an expectant expression, a careful smile placed on his lips.

_And why is Makoto exposing himself to me like that?_

Haruka doesn’t remember doing anything particularly marvelous to deserve the other’s trust. Perhaps the reason why he is being so honest is because Haruka already knows about the shop.

Haruka tries to picture Makoto’s fans inside the shop, being loud, demanding his attention and changing the peaceful atmosphere into something noisy and agitated. Just the imaginary thought makes him feel distressed and sends unpleasant shivers down his spine.

 _Is that the reason why he avoided telling people about this place?_ _Is he anxious that I might reveal his secret?_

Haruka’s chest constricts, full with the affection he so constantly hides. Makoto, willing or not, just trusted him with a piece of his life, and Haruka is inclined to guard it with every living cell of his body because he comprehends how important the issue really is.

The need to protect and soothe this person grows inside him. Protect from what? He isn’t really sure. But the raven boy has always been a very intuitive person. Makoto is playing cool, but Haruka can tell that this ‘secret’ is not something to be taken lightly.

“I won’t tell anyone.” He assures the other boy.

“Thank you, Haru”. Makoto replays back and tilts his head to the side, awarding Haruka with a wide smile and cheerful eyes.

As a result, the answer disturbs the artist’s already shattered self-control.

It has been far too long, and he can’t, he just can’t hold himself back anymore. It is time to push a little harder. He can feel it in his bones.

Just like he does with swimming, Haruka gracefully dives in.

In a fictional world where Haruka could leave all of his fears behind, he would make sure to keep eye contact while slowly moving the hand that still grips Makoto’s shoulders and traveling up the boy’s neck. He would reverently caress the sweaty skin he finds there with his knuckles, taking his time to cherish every inch of the other’s smooth skin. Then his hands would finally go up and tangle themselves on the locks of brown hair, fingers curling around the silky strands and slowly stroking it.

The edges of his fingertips tingle and his belly moves unnaturally just from the thoughts.

However, this is so very real, and Haruka just lacks the confidence. He settles for something cautious instead, _a bit like testing the waters_ , he tells himself.

Haruka focus on the spot where his hands meet Makoto’s shoulders. He slowly turns his palms up and caresses the delicate fabric with his knuckles a few times, until bringing his hands back to the side of his hips. Then he feels lightheaded and lets go of a loud breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

When he looks up, he realizes that Makoto had been watching him carefully. His whole body goes still under the unexpected gaze. The now dark green eyes are blown wide with something that Haruka doesn’t recognize. Could it be fear, or surprise, even disgust? Did Haruka push too far?

It was barely a touch, _for god’s sake_ , but Makoto’s shoulders are tense and the air hangs uncomfortable around them.

The two boys stare at each other like it is a strength contest.

Haruka’s eyes don’t wave while he maintains a steady gaze on the boy below him. On the other side, Makoto’s eyes remain mysteriously unreadable, his lower lip being abused by his front teeth.

That is, until Makoto blinks. Suddenly, all the heaviness of the moment is gone, and Makoto smiles at Haruka, a smile that he had only seen once before, during their interview. The student’s cheeks are faintly pink, Haruka notices.

The young man rests his head on his folded arms one more time, never once breaking eye contact. Then he rolls his head slightly, reminding Haruka of a playful, silly cat. Makoto is dazzling like this – when he stares up at the artist with such expressive eyes.

“Do you want to sit?” Makoto invites, sparkling with excitement. “I could use some distraction right now.”

The raven boy understands the meaning behind the words and blinks in surprise. It translates that he is welcome to stay, not because Makoto is well-mannered, but because Makoto is truly willing to share his secret spot with him.

The corners of Haruka’s mouth turn up slightly, showcasing his happiness.

“Maybe just for a little bit,” he surrenders. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembers the scene that waits for him at home. The raven sits down in the wood chair anyway and adds “I still have a dinner to make”.

 

* * * * *

 

From: Haruka the dolphin

To: Nagisa the penguin, Rin the shark

I will be late.

 

From: Nagisa the penguin

To: Haruka the dolphin, Rin the shark

WHY HARU-CHAN, DID SOMETHING HAPPENED? What about the cookies??? :(

 

From: Rin the shark

To: Haruka the dolphin, Nagisa the penguin

Damn Haru, get your ass over here! I want to start the movie! What about my dinner???

 

From: Haruka the dolphin

To: Nagisa the penguin, Rin the shark

Found the sunny boy. I have the ingredients for the cookies. I will still cook dinner. Go ahead and start the movie, I don’t want to watch it because there’s no water in it.

 

From: Nagisa the penguin

To: Haruka the dolphin, Rin the shark

HARU-CHAN, GO GET HIM!!! I told you Rin-chan, you suck at choosing movies!

 

From: Nagisa the penguin

To: Haruka the dolphin, Rin the shark

But Haru-chan please don’t take too long to come back, Rin and Sousuke are being so mean to me!

 

From: Rin the shark

To: Haruka the dolphin, Nagisa the penguin

Goddammit Haru! Sunny boy is not even your boyfriend yet and you are already dumping us for him??? IT’S FUCKING FINE NANASE. But you better bring us good news or else!!!

 

* * * * *

 

“Ditching us already, huh? Dolphin boy is growing up...” Rin states out loud, leaning his head on the back of the black couch while his friend moves from the kitchen to sit by his side.

“Don’t worry Rin-chan, Haru will be fine. Shall I start the movie then?” Nagisa asks in a low, gentle tone. Shocking, Nagisa is so much more than he lets people know. The demon can be freaking loud and crazy, but he can also be the most caring person in the world.

Rin flashes his eyes to the blond hair. “I want Haru to be happy, Nagisa, happy with Makoto. Is that so much to ask? But there is no way in hell that I am not going to worry. God, we started this, you know that. If it weren’t for us –” he closes his eyes and whispers “well, what if Haru ends up with a broken heart? What if the mess is going to be so fucking ugly that we won’t be able to clean up? You know how stupid Haru can be. I wouldn’t be able to survive the guilty.”

“You are being too negative, Rin-chan” The blond waves a hand as if trying to dismiss the horrible words from the air. “Haru is a smart, strong person. And for what we have seen, so is Mako-chan! They will be perfect for each other!”

Rin gets up from the couch and starts pacing back and forth in front of the blank television. Why does Nagisa have to be so fucking blind?

Hell, it was a lot easier when all they did was to watch Makoto from afar and dream about it. Now that Haru and Rin actually got to know the guy, the room for a possible rejection started growing larger than an Olympic size pool and finally became a real, heavy possibility that they can’t ignore anymore.

Unfortunately, it is far too late for getting the past two years back. But what if they were wrong about the sunny boy all along? Rin can only pray to all the gods that it is not the case, and Makoto is actually a nice guy. That Nagisa and Rin have nothing to worry about.

“Look” the red-haired man pushes the hair out of his forehead “During all this time, we have never seen the sunny boy dating anyone seriously. Casual flings, yeah, that is perfectly fine.” He shrugs “I haven’t seen those either, but I know a couple of people that he had a ‘thing’ with.” His fingers motion like quotation marks above his head. “Nothing serious though. I just don’t believe that Haru would want something casual” he spreads his arms wide open for Nagisa to see how fucked up the situation really is.

Nagisa, however, won’t settle without a fight. When he speaks, his voice is steady and strong just as his will, and his hands are resting on each side of the couch.

“This can be different, for both of them. Today I saw the most amazing thing: Haru was spacing out and _smiling_ Rin, so freely like I haven’t seen in years! What Makoto can offer is a kind of love that neither you nor I can give him, no matter how hard we try.”

The red-haired boy starts to open his mouth to cut the romantic train of thought, but Nagisa just articulates louder.

“He isn’t here tonight, and I am happy, not because I don’t want to be with him, but because this means he is _trying_. I am proud. He can’t live repeating the same thing every day, going from painting to swimming, sleeping, soaking in the tub and spending every night with us, and doing it all again. This isn’t living Rin. It is _surviving_. Haru needs our support. And he needs someone radiant like Makoto more than anything.”

“Hey, I don’t remember Haru being this sad like you just pictured him. Actually, he is pretty independent and freaky talented.” the taller man smirks, crossing his athletic arms in front of his chest.

“You don’t remember because you got used to it. I haven’t.” Nagisa retorts back with a pout.

In the silence of Haruka’s living room, tough red eyes look down at fierce purple ones, leaving no space for arguments. When it comes to Nagisa, you either surrender or you suffer until your mind can’t take anymore – and then you surrender. Finally Rin sighs and break the stillness with his stubborn thoughts.

“And what exactly makes you think that perfect Makoto will treat our Haru any differently from the others, Nagisa? What if he doesn’t have any love to give? What are we supposed to do? Just wait and see? ‘Coz I can’t do that.”

The blond man is not listening to the doubtful words since his mind is flying faster than Rin can begin to comprehend. By the time Rin is finished with his speech, the boy is already jumping off from the couch and speaking.

“Oh, stop worrying Rin-chan, you will get old and I will get a headache.” His right fist closes in front of him as a mischievous grin spreads across his angelic face. “I have an idea”.

 

* * * * *

 

By the time Haruka is approaching his front door, the sky is already navy blue, the weather feels colder and the stars are showing off their beautiful glow at the peasant little beings called humans.

Yes, Haruka is very, very late.

Okay, not so late, but still.

Somehow, what was supposed to be a small chat – “Dinner? So do you know how to cook Haru?” –, turned into simply drinking coffee – “Yeah, this is absolutely my favorite thing to drink. I can go get you one if you want, so you can try it!” –, and ended up being a ‘helping Makoto to figure out the plot for his story’ kind of evening.

Makoto explained all of his ideas while Haruka listened to every single thing that left the boy’s mouth, and gave his opinion after. He even sketched some of the scenes for Makoto with his brand new art supplies. Side by side, they collected the ideas for a fluffy and adorable plot.

Their partnership didn’t even start with Makoto asking for help or anything of that source. It only felt natural, to have two creative minds working together.

It was unexpected and so very welcome.

In Makoto’s presence, Haruka felt at ease. That seems like an ordinary thing, but for someone like the stoic artist to feel relaxed is something that almost never happens.

Not at University, not at his old parent’s home, and certainly not with anyone he knows. It is only Makoto’s gentle and kind nature that brings this kind of peace of mind to Haruka.

Again, it is unexpected. Haruka was supposed to turn into a pile of nerves around his crush, right?

And Haruka did feel nervous and unsure, but he also felt like he has never been so comfortable in his own skin before.

The art student would be completely terrified if he wasn’t so far gone in his desire for the other boy. It is consuming, and tiring, and painfully wonderful.

And it is finally fun.

While daydreaming about impossible, lovely things, Haruka leans in his front door, his back touching the hard material and his glassy liquid like eyes focused on the endless possibilities guarded by the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading this chapter! Comments, compliments, tips, complaints, I want to hear it all haha I would love to know what your thoughts are :)
> 
> Nagisa and Rin scene might have turned out a little heavy in the end, but it gives me possibilities to work with and also shows that they are not just being funny all the time. They play an important part in this, and make quite a great team (of drama queens) xD There is, since Rei is 'on the other side' of the equation. I really hope I can add more about Makoto's friends aka ‘the news team’ later on.
> 
> I also feel like I am Haru and my inner conscious is Nagisa, constantly stating things like ‘working and studying so much is not living, is just surviving, Nath, and you need to change.’ Oh well, baby Haru and I will both have to work on that! 
> 
> Well, this is it! Until next time :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Haruka loses his cool and bad things happen.

There is a certain spot in the modern setting library where long rays of morning light fall down from the open window, revealing little pieces of spiraling dust and illuminating the covers of plain old books.

The whole place is quite clean, painted in pastel tones and filled with quietly whispered conversation from the other students. Another compartment with brand new computers and one printer can be found in the first one of the three floors that structures the building.

In the back of the room, far from everyone and everything, rests a comfortable table along with six chairs, shielded from unwanted views by four metallic brownish shelves.

Being the man of habits that he is, Haruka relax his limbs in the familiar spot next to the said window. In front of him sits a yellow-haired young man, lips hanging slightly open and wide magenta eyes gazing back and forth through the pages of a college assignment: the script for a new play.

The sight is not a new one to Haruka, whose deep blue eyes stares at the other in a fondly way. By choosing Theater as his major, Nagisa changed from the silly and carefree boy he once was and became more responsible, reading scripts and practicing his acting skills until his eyes went blurry and his voice turned hoarse.

From time to time, Haruka prefers this calm and composed side of his friend, the one that only shows its fangs when the boy is focused on some peculiar sheet of paper. The imaginative mind truly loves fantasy stories, especially the ones with princess and castles, monsters and dragons, dark magic and evil sorcerers. The story gets a golden star sticker if he can somehow express the feelings with his own body later on.

This time, however, the shorter man reads the script for a musical called Rent. It seems that the university chose this particular play to be presented by the end of the year. For what Nagisa commented before, it is dirty, painful and vulgar, but so addicting that it hurts to the bones.

The swimmer is not so sure if he wants to know more about it though. Not only because of the weird description, but also there is no water in it. Furthermore, he is not attracted to musicals in any ways.

An exasperated sigh leaves his thin lips while he looks at the bright sky outside the window. If he can, he will avoid watching the play with all his might. Somewhere in the back of his consciousness, Haruka acknowledges that he and Rin will end up being caught up in watching the play though, regardless if Nagisa gets a chance to be part in it or not.

It is just how it works between the three of them, an unspoken agreement.

Previously, Nagisa had only worked in the backstage. That still brought a smile to Nagisa’s face and a proud sense of satisfaction to his heart.

_No matter how much of a pain it can be, they promised to be there for each other, didn’t they?_

Not that he would ever admit it out loud.

Shaking the thoughts about Nagisa out of his head and casting his icy eyes back to the newspaper in his hands, Haruka switches his long fingers through the yellow pages to find the one article he is looking for. There is no need to waste time in nonsense information. If by chance there is something interesting going on, Nagisa and Rin will let him know, like they always did.

So he searches the colorful pages, his usually steady heart picking its pace up with each uncovered area. Until the moment he finds it.

 

 

* * * * *

_October, 05._

_Hi, Tachibana-kun! I love everything you write, which is why I decided to ask for your help in a personal matter. How can I gain strength to do the things that I know that I have to do in order to achieve my dreams? How to keep the flame of my dreams alive? I am so tired of giving things up so easily, so please, please will you help me? Pretty please? Thank you!_

 

Hello, thank you so much for taking the time to read my words! I hope I understood your question well. I am actually quite happy that this specific question came up because this is something that I have to face every day. Maybe by helping you I can also benefit myself in the process?

So, in order to give you a fair answer, I will share my own experiences with you. How does that sound?

Shall we begin?

Over the years, I discovered that defeating procrastination is like fighting a poison that slowly consumes your guts from the inside out. There is no end to the pain, and you are required to give up all the guilty pleasures for something bigger, but far and unattainable. There are no sweet guarantees when it comes to the future, and yet, to achieve ‘greatness’ it is said that you need to focus on a fleeting dream instead of the life happening around you now.

I know that reality by firsthand. For the sake of being a good, reliable student, I have worked really hard since as a child. So, believe me, I know how it feels to stay at home on a Friday night, taking care of dear siblings and finishing homework while everyone else was drinking and having fun at the beach nearby.

The more I wanted to cast it aside, the more I thought about it.

Why? What was the reason to endure it all? Why couldn’t I just throw caution to the wind and have a nice, carefree time?

Even with the question pestering my brain, I can guarantee you that those teenager days didn’t make me bitter. I am actually somewhat thankful for those days.

I found out that, no matter what I believed to be the ‘right’ behavior for my age, it is just not in my nature to be reckless.

I also think the main issue here is the “fleeting” word: this is what will make you powerful or weak in the end.

If your dream is everything but a whim; if it is actually a strong desire burning in your veins and dictating everything about yourself then I don’t believe you can ever give up. There is simply no way. There is no choice but to walk forward towards the golden bridge.

Call me naive, but I believe in destiny. I believe in fate. I believe in something holding us together, in one piece. Are we talking about a dream that you dreamed yourself? Or this is about the heavy expectations that lay upon you?

No matter what, I think you should stick to what makes you who you are, to your own path. This will give you strength of character and of heart. Following someone else’s footsteps will just chain your free will. So be your magnificent self. That is more than enough. The world sure needs more honest feelings and the lightness they can bring.

I also don’t think that letting something that is draining you down go is a bad thing. Just make sure to hold on to what makes you truly happy.

I wish you luck, and we will be cheering for you all the way here! Really, all the news team has been by my side this time around because they wanted to assist you too. So please don’t hold back and let us know if things worked out in the end.

If they didn’t, we can always try again.

Have a great week!

_Tachibana Makoto._

 

* * * * *

 

Excited blue eyes are hidden behind the dark locks of hair while a pale face hangs towards the newspaper. Haruka’s fingers tremble and he can’t bring himself to stop clinging to it.

Finally, after what felt like a hundred years, he hears Nagisa’s faint voice from far, far away.

 “-chan, I will go to the computer room. I will get us something to drink on the way back, okay?”

The rushing sound of a chair moving and the sight of his friend gone from his peripheral vision are the only things distracting him from the words echoing in his brain.

Once he finally regains his self-control, Haruka searches for the small scissor that is always kept inside his backpack.

With precise motions, he carefully cuts the square page designed with Makoto’s column as if he was a doctor conducting a brain surgery. At least, he puts the page inside his notebook so the image won’t get cramped. It is also a way to prevent Nagisa from knowing that he kept the sheet. His feelings are nothing to be mocked of. He isn’t ashamed of them in the slightest.

He throws the rest of the issue on the garbage.

When he looks up at the window, his eyes are unfocused and his face leans against the palm of his sweaty hands. The loud throbbing beat inside his chest slowly calms down.

Sometimes Haruka wonders why in the world Makoto exposes himself like that. It feels as if his secrets were a gateway open for anyone to peek inside and play with it as much as they would like.

 _Isn’t he scared of handing his heart so easily?_ Haruka could never show his true colors like that.

Then the memories of the other night encounter pulses through his mind, raw and vivid, and the art student considers that perhaps he might have been wrong this whole time.

 _Makoto just looks like he shares each one of his thoughts with everyone_. In fact, this came as a shocking revelation to the swimmer.

The soft nature of that boy hides its calculative side very well. Haruka got the feeling that Makoto has a profound control of everything he lets out of his mouth, that the man knows just how much to allow people in his personal space and how to keep them at arm’s length at the same time.

The best part is that Makoto acts without letting people realize he is doing so. Such a shield can’t be defeated effortlessly.

Even so, somehow Haruka was able to scratch the surface and catch a glimpse of the oceanic depths that contain Makoto’s real feelings.

One could easily believe he is familiar with everything about Makoto’s life just by reading his texts. But Haruka knows better now. The blank lines between the phrases are what the swimmer is interested about.

They are just so different from each other. Haruka has never had such a sense of achievements or any dreams to chase before. He has always acted less with sense than with sensibility. Using his intuition as his only guide, he managed to leave his parent’s house and get into college. So Haruka can’t completely comprehend what Makoto was trying to say. But it seems that Makoto have not only thought about dreams but held onto them as well.

What Makoto said about one to be true to himself…

Those were the exactly words Haruka needed to hear…

Trying to think about something else, Haruka remembers the word ‘siblings’ _._ _What do they even look like?_ They had to be younger than Makoto, or else what the boy wrote about his time as a teenager would not make any sense.

Perhaps they are two girls? Or could they be three boys, maybe even a boy and a girl? Gentle and caring just like their older brother? Haruka sure hopes so. He wishes from the bottom of his heart that is the way things are.

He also wishes he could have been there to spend those Friday nights with them. What would they be doing then, maybe playing videogames? Watching scary movies?

Would Makoto even be into that?

Well, his soul desires a lot of things when it comes to the sunny boy. That doesn’t turn those daydreams into reality though.

His mind wonders through time and space while his gaze gets lost in the colorful sky.

Haruka is so far gone that he doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching him.

 

* * * * *

 

“Well, if it isn't Nanase Haruka.”

The familiar voice alarms Haruka. He looks up and finds a boy staring down at him, all wavy dark hair and slender limbs. It takes a moment for his brain to place face and name together. _Aoto._

It occurs to him that the only significant thing he knows about the other is that he likes to bite hard during kisses and that he moans pretty loud during sex. That is all.

Oh yeah, he also sweats a lot. _Why is he talking to me?_

Haruka decides to just hold the eye contact, an annoyed expression crossing his features. He doesn’t know what to say.

“Ha-ha! Just say something, will you? Didn’t think I would be seeing you around. You never told me anything about yourself when we met”. The voice is light, playful, but Haruka senses a complaint underneath it. Aoto’s hands grip the top of a chair casually.

Haruka raises an eyebrow. _What the hell?_

Why would he unmask himself in front of this guy if all they had was a one night stand? Or worse, that happened months ago! A memory Haruka didn’t even bother to keep.

Also, the guy should hurry up and leave while he can, for Haruka’s bad temper is starting to make itself known by each passing second.

“What do you want?” the swimmer asks bluntly because it is better to deal with it already.

Aoto smiles. “I thought that would be nice to get to know you better. What do you think? Wanna do something fun tonight?” While speaking, Aoto closes the space between them. His tone is seductive, and he moves cautiously towards Haruka.

Despite the innocent words, what reaches Haruka’s ears is the phrase _do you_ _want to sleep with me again?_

Blue eyes widen in surprise. He didn’t know Aoto was such a bold person _._

Then the student ponders the situation.

Does he want to have sex?

The answer is almost instantaneous _. Oh yes, very much indeed._

It has been many months since the last time he felt the heat of another body on his own. Perhaps Aoto was the last person he slept with, which is bad because he can’t even remember enough to confirm this detail. It has been so long that Haruka really doesn’t know.

His ice-like gaze studies the boy’s figure, from head to toe, slowly moving back and forth. His eyes fall on the fuzzy locks of hair, pitch black as a starless night, and on the pale skin of his collarbones. He imagines how they would feel under his fingertips, how the boy would lose his mind under his touches and caresses, how there would be no reason left in the sounds Aoto would make.

The problem is not the other, but for Haruka to lose control, you see. He always remains his resilient self, taking care of the whole affair and leaving with a faint sense of satisfaction afterward.

He looks at those shoulders and wonders about the size. They are smaller than he remembers, and Haruka thinks about larger shoulders that felt smooth under his hands instead.

Right there, the swimmer is assaulted by a hunger he knows all too well. He loses himself in the image of brilliant green eyes, tanned skin, and thin lips, and more than anything, he misses the warmth of that soft voice already.

He focuses his gawk on Aoto again, and what does he see at that moment? A beautiful person, yes, but not gracious enough to tempt him. He also understands the reason why he can’t bring himself to sleep with anyone else these days.

_Damn you, Makoto._

The truth is that he is kind of tired, tired of meaningless one night stands. They are always the same, anyways.

He finishes his excursion, and elegantly declines the offer. “I will pass”.

“Maybe next time, then?” the boy pushes his luck, a smile plastered on his boned face.

“There won’t be a next time. You should go.” The other’s stare is making Haruka’s skin prickle in all the wrong ways, so he speaks his mind a little harder.

To which the other man doesn’t agree, however.

“Oh my, I didn’t remember you playing this hard to get last time. You were a pretty easy catch actually.” A dark glitter flashes through his eyes. “Just say yes already, will you? I really don’t have the whole day.”

Aoto extends his slender arms and touches Haruka’s face with such a familiarity that boils the anger inside the swimmer. He stands up on the next second, the chair scraping the floor behind him. He doesn’t realize when the atmosphere in the library suddenly falls silent.

“Back off.” He glares at the other boy.

And he isn’t kidding. This guy is getting on his nerves.

_If only Rin was around…_

“Easy there” Aoto holds the palms of his hands up as a peace sign. Haruka doesn’t believe in it for a second. “I didn’t know it was so much fun to joke around with you. It makes me want to tease you some more”.

The swimmer has never regretted something in his life as much as he regrets sleeping with this boy. If only he knew back then how irritating Aoto really is things would be different, for sure.

As a result Haruka now holds his ground, forced to accept the challenge heads on.

“Don’t you dare”. Haruka’s usually flat voice becomes dangerously low, and he strikes the other with his fierce glare.

Have you ever seen a panther surrounding its prey, silent despite all the danger written in its eyes? That would be Haruka at this instant. _Go ahead and try. But if you do, I won’t be responsible for my actions._

“What is wrong with you?” Aoto says in a frustrated voice. “Do you think you are so good that sex with me is beneath you? Do you seriously think you can have something better than this?”

The nasty words feel like a slap in the face, and unlock buried memories from Haruka’s mind. Memories he sincerely wishes he could destroy…

 

 

 

_“Do you seriously think you can have something better than this?” the woman says, charming hair falling across her soft features. The dark locks don’t cover the hardness in her eyes though._

_Haruka’s frame trembles. He is so scared. “Yes.” He answers with a small voice._

_“And how in the world being attracted to another boy is a good thing? Did you seriously think this through? You are nothing but a child” her cold laugh tastes like daggers in his heart. “You can never be happy with this choice, Haruka. Just get it over with already, will you? Find yourself a girlfriend. All this nonsense is making me sick.”_

_Each word leaves the young teenager more and more nauseated. It is like there is a void eating all of his hopes, until there is nothing left but a hollow, dull feeling._

_“I will be waiting for you to apologize for this.” She states business-like, as a matter of fact. It means that the meeting is over. Finally, she casts him a condescending smile. “You know I am right, don’t you dear? I am your mother, after all.”_

 

 

 

The flavor is so bitter in his mouth that Haruka’s vision turns red. His restraint collapses and he loses sight of everything. The student is about to do something pretty stupid when a large hand grabs his right arm out of nowhere, and he struggles the get out of the grip as if his life depends on it.

Haruka is agitated, pissed and angry as hell, and all he can think about is in how many ways he can wipe that arrogant smile off from Aoto’s mouth.

“Let me go!” he shouts, feeling relief as he manages to free himself from the strong grip. He turns to scowl at the man, only to find out his mistake.

Aoto wasn’t the one who had a grip on Haruka’s arm just a second ago.

That person was Makoto.

Haruka is left dumbstruck, all the blood suddenly draining from his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) I am sorry about the delay. I am studying for this test (that takes place by the end of the year) and preparing for it is time consuming. So it might take a bit longer to update new chapters, but I will keep uploading them because I love this fic and writing about Makoharu makes me feel at easy xD Also, it is lots of fun.
> 
> When I started writing Aoto I kind of liked him, but by the end of the chapter I was like "You jerk, leave Haru alone!" haha if only Rin was there... 
> 
> Oh please, if you see any mistakes in English I would be really thankful if you point them out to me :) I am not so sure about my grammar, especially by the end of the chapter.
> 
> Thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it. Until next time! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which one does not simply messes with Haruka.

The only sound Haruka perceives belongs to his own heartbeat.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump._

The movements are so slow that Haruka is almost sure they are coming to a stop. Or is it that his heart is pounding so fast that the swimmer can’t count its beats?

The blood vanished from his head, out of the corner of his eyes he distinguishes Aoto’s presence, but his brain can only focus on one thing.

_Please, not you. Not you, Makoto._

_Please, not you too._

Little by little the anger gives way to uncertainty, which finally morphs into shame. Makoto’s eyes are very tense while they stare at Haruka’s, his hand still mid-air, frozen at the moment it had let go of Haruka’s right arm.

Haruka sees the worry painted in the handsome face, and it breaks his heart.

Leisurely, the sunny boy brings his large hands to his sides.

“Is everything okay?” Makoto asks, but his gaze is focused on Aoto now. There is something edgy about his voice… almost dangerous.

A bit sexy too.

Haruka has to be out of his mind because this is not the moment to notice such a thing.

Then he realizes that Makoto is waiting for his answer, not Aoto’s. It surprises him.

He nods his head a couple times, shaking the raven hair in the process, allowing the dark locks to cover his wild eyes.

Green finds blue, and this time Haruka can read the hesitation in the emerald color. His heartbeat picks its pace up while he braces himself for what Makoto is going to say.

The artist wants to run away and drawn himself in the cold water of the pool while ‘Never let me go’ by Florence and the Machine plays in the background.

It would be a sweet way of leaving this stupid argument with his former ‘lover’.

It would be a sad way of leaving Makoto.

The problem with this instinct resides in the fact that Haruka also wants to stay at Makoto’s side until the end of his days.

Finally, his rival breaks the uneasy silence with his annoying boyish voice.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you had got yourself a boyfriend, Nanase! And a fine one, I see. My bad” his tone is full of venom as if the boy despised such a relationship. Or is it that Aoto is trying to catch if Haruka is really dating or not? That would explain the reason why the artist turned him down, wouldn’t it?

If Haruka could speak, he would state that he and Makoto are not even friends, imagine boyfriends. But he can’t.

His voice was lost long ago, from the moment the sunny boy stepped into the picture. Haruka fears that anything he says now will just lower his situation in Makoto’s eyes.

Makoto did hold him back a few moments ago. What would have happened if he hadn’t interfered in the quarrel?

Haruka can’t afford to lose his mind again, for Makoto’s sake, but also for himself.

Aoto is just not worth his aggressive side.

To Aoto and Haruka’s dismay, Makoto also doesn’t deny anything.

He doesn’t explain his relationship with Haruka to the other. He just stands there, observing Aoto with dark eyes, displaying a patient confidence Haruka has never seen in him.

At that moment, his large lips take the shape of a small smile.

“Would you happen to have business here, Aoto? Do you need our help with anything?”

The gentleness in the voice and his name being called startles Aoto. He glares at Makoto with troubled eyes and falls unusually silent. Haruka can’t read his expression, but if he was forced to bet he would say that Aoto doesn’t grasp how Makoto knows who the hell he is.

While the three stare at each other in an awkward way, Nagisa makes his way out of the book shelves and stops for a second in his tracks. The clever magenta eyes take in the scene in a matter of seconds, and he resumes walking until he is right in front of Makoto and Haru.

“Aoto-chan, long time no see!” the boy waves his arms in the air with excitement. Then his voice turns a bit secretive, and he smiles wider. “Sorry, but Haru-chan here doesn’t do flashbacks.” He pats Haru on the shoulders while he speaks.

‘Haru-chan’ in fact avoids flashbacks like one avoid being beaten but hearing it from Nagisa’s mouth makes him feel sick again. His whole face turns red, from anger, embarrassment, despair, he doesn’t know anymore.

He risks a glance at Makoto, but the taller man’s eyes are still fixed on Aoto.

The swimmer feels bad, very, very bad. He hates being a nuisance to people.

More than anything, he hates that Makoto and Nagisa had to go out of their way because Haruka has failed in replying Aoto’s poisoned comments before.

So he allows the anger and the sadness to travel through his veins until he feels bolder. Then he flashes his heartless eyes to Aoto one more time.

 _Get the hell away from here, and don’t ever look back,_ is written in the sapphire blue _._

Only fifteen minutes have passed since Aoto spoke for the first time, but it sure feels like hours.

After all this time, Aoto finally realizes his disadvantage. One thing is to mess with small and slender Haruka. Another thing is to challenge a man with Makoto’s body proportions. Not even mentioning Nagisa mischievous eyes.

And right now, they both look terribly like Haruka’s bodyguard.

“Okay, okay, I know when I am unwanted. See you around, guys”. Waving his hands, the dark-haired boy turns and leaves the room, without a second glance to Haruka.

Once his toxic presence is gone, Haruka finally breaks on the chair. He breathes slowly, and a cold sweat spreads across his skin. The boy wipes the hair out of his forehead and closes his eyes, avoiding Makoto’s concerned stare.

When the soft chattering reaches his ears again the swimmer comprehends that everyone has been watching the scene. All the students in the library room witnessed Haruka losing his cool.

_Just what was I trying to do? How could I have been so stupid?_

The worst part is that Makoto not only saw it but also had to join him before it got out of hand. To composed, reliable Haruka, that was the very definition of humiliation.

He doesn’t know how to look at the boy of his dreams on the eyes anymore.

In his naïve, pessimist mind, all of the hopes and dreams he felt over the past month are gone, destroyed by his impulsive behavior. His heart can’t bear that. It hurts.

So he lowers his head and glares at his hands. Out the corner of his eyes, he can see Nagisa’s yellow shoes moving.

Haruka braces himself for rejection while he waits for Makoto to walk away from them. He waits for the boy to walk away from him.

 

* * * * *

What Haruka doesn’t expect is to hear Nagisa’s loud voice.

“MAKO-CHAN, YOU SAVED HARU JUST LIKE THE PRINCE CHARMING I KNEW YOU WERE!!!”

Haruka looks up, startled, and his mind goes blank once he sees Nagisa throwing himself in Makoto’s arms. Makoto is giggling. _Giggling_.

The people in the library start shushing them. _This is a library_ , after all.

“Ahhhhh that is not true, Nagisa” the man smiles softly and pets the shorter man’s head, flashing beautiful green eyes to Haruka.

Haruka averts his gaze. First of all he doesn’t want to be blinded by such a view. Second, he already feels a headache in the back of his head.

Hang on a minute…

_How does Makoto know Nagisa’s first name?_

_How do they even know each other?_

Haruka frowns in annoyance. Nagisa had been acting more maddening than ever for the past few days, demanding to be introduced to Makoto at all costs, saying things like ‘even Rin-chan knows Mako-chan now, why am I the only one left behind?’.

Of course, Haruka has denied him.

Did Nagisa find another way to meet Makoto without Haruka’s help?

Does Rin know about this?

More importantly, _does Nagisa really have to touch the sunny boy?_

“I know, I know. And I am sorry Haru-chan, but that Aoto is super creepy.” Nagisa’s eyes widen while he remembers the boy’s features. “What happened here, anyway? You were not your usual self.” He rests his hands on each side of his hips and pouts.

Makoto answers before Haru has a chance to.

Not that he was planning to reply, anyway.

“Apparently, Aoto asked Haru out… but Haru refused. Aoto was not happy about that.” Makoto lowers his gaze and a thoughtful expression crosses his face. He bites his lips as if preventing himself for spilling more things about the incident.

 _So you heard it all_ , Haruka thinks, tasting a bitter flavor in his guts. The urge to run away gets stronger inside of him.

“It is over now. Let’s forget about it” the artist speaks his mind for the first time in ages, and it surprises the other boys.

“Nope Haru-chan, that is not happening! We need to find Rin.” Nagisa says without hesitation.

Does anything Nagisa say have to annoy Haru?

“Why? He is just going to freak out.” He responds. Then the realization of the truth hits him.

Oh. _Oh_.

“What do you think will happen if he finds out through anyone else, Haru-chan?” Nagisa throws his last card at Haruka’s face, but he didn’t have to. Haruka already understands.

_Hell will break loose._

Even knowing what Rin’s reaction is going to be, Haruka just needs to forget about Aoto already. He doesn’t think he can hold himself together any longer.

Before he can say anything and pretend this embarrassing situation has never happened, he gets interrupted one more time. “Do you mind staying with Haru-chan, Mako-chan? I will go talk to Rin.”

The confused look in Makoto’s face is the last thing Haruka perceives before suddenly storming out of the library. Haruka’s control, usually thick and strong, breaks easier than cheap glass. It is not a pretty thing to see. Haruka is so done with all of this madness that his shoulders are shaking and his vision is blurred.

He escapes from the library room, pretending not to see the glances and whispers shoved at his direction on the way out.

* * * * *

Detarame no PURAIDO ja nai yume wa mou miteru dake ja nai  
I know, Ready…, koko kara…OVER THE DREAM!!!

 

Unaware of the passing events, a soaking wet Matsuoka Rin sings along with the song as he speeds his way across the park. It is so damn hot that, even with the messy ponytail, the red hair is plastered on his neck and forehead.

On times like these he seriously considers a getting a haircut.

The heavy pulse of the music gives him the strength to keep going, never giving up and pushing his limits forward until he loses sight of anything but the dream glowing in front of him.

After all, the sweaty man is a determined athlete who is going to compete in the Olympics, even if he has to fucking crawl to get there.

The young man circles the small pond, his eyes flashing to the innocent fishes that live and swim there, and glancing at his wristwatch.

 

11:30 am.

 

It is only then that he realizes he is almost finished with his morning jog, and the feeling is so great. His sore muscles are a symbol of how hard he is trying.

Rin is very proud of the fact that he isn’t some lazy ass like two boys he knows all too well.

It would take more than a Tsunami to push Nagisa out of his bed before nine am these days, or Haruka out of his apartment, at any time, for god’s sake.

Pausing to breathe a little and drink some very welcomed water, the handsome boy makes a mental note of how much he ran in that morning.

Shit. Red eyes widen in shock.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Sousuke’s record is still so much better than his own.

Rin doesn’t have to be a magician to know that Sousuke is going to brag until his ears fall out of his head because of that.

_Fuck you, Sousuke! Go to fucking hell, you and those fucking hot legs of yours!_

Oh. Just by thinking about his boyfriend’s legs turns the athlete’s blood into flames for a totally different reason than before.

_Damn you Sousuke!_

A deeply embarrassed Rin kicks away an empty can of soda that was resting on the sidewalk and curses the aquamarine-eyed boy that he loves to death.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) that is the only way Rin knows how to demonstrate his feelings, as if the act of speaking vulgarities and behaving in a reckless way is the only method he has to protect the truth about his soft heart.

He wanders through the park, thinking about the future, catching his breath and finally starts to run again, until the moment he spots a familiar blond head approaching him.

Rin stops dead in his tracks once he recognizes the worry in Nagisa’s childish face.

* * * * *

The water feels cold, and for once in his life the fluid doesn’t erase the scars and the heaviness blooming in Haruka’s heart.

His arms move above his head, and his limbs use all of its strength to push the swimmer’s body further, but the exercise is not enough to wipe away the feeling of numbness and fire that blend inside of him.

The worst of all: the student can still listen to his mother’s voice in the back of his mind.

The thing about hearing the same truth for years and years is that one starts to believe it.

So the main problem is not about ‘hating’ someone else, but about believing that your best is simply not good enough, and that happiness is a chance you can never hold, a  reality you can never achieve.

Makoto’s face is imprinted in Haruka’s eyelids, and he wishes so bad he were not the burden that he is. He wishes he could be someone cheerful and noble like the sunny boy.

Thinking about Nagisa and Rin makes Haruka wish he could protect someone instead of being protected.

It is dark in the bottom of the pool, pitch black and very, very lonely. The stillness of the water is starting to freak Haruka out, so he swims towards the surface, inhaling deeply once he gets there, fighting for air like never before.

Or is it that he had just forgotten this feeling? It has been so, so long.

His lungs are burning and his eyes are heavy and his muscles are sore and his pride is shattered.

Everything Haruka loves about himself has been shaken to the core.

The swimmer moves the hair out of his forehead, blue eyes wavering around the gloomy gymnasium.

That is when he finds the sun, graciously sitting on the edges of the pool, leaning on his hands, dark jeans rolled up and feet creating soft splashes across the water.

The sun stares straight at him, and there is a smile in his remarkable face.

“Hey, there” he welcomes.

_What… are you doing here?_

“I hope you won’t find it creepy, Haru” Makoto exhales in a single breathe. Then he adds in a determined, quiet voice “but I wanted to see you.”

_What… are you doing, Makoto?_

After a lifetime of rejection and excuses, with the exception of Rin and Nagisa, of course, Haruka suddenly finds quite difficult to understand this boy.

Not mentioning that his heartbeat is loud in the silent room.

_How long has Makoto been sitting there? For how long have I been swimming?_

As far as Haruka is concerned, it could have been _hours_. The swim team doesn’t have practice on Tuesdays. Outside the polished windows, there is still light in the sky.

“How did you find me?” he decides to ask, kind of nervous about the answer.

The other’s face gets a darker shade of red and he chuckles a little. It would have been endearing to watch if Haruka wasn’t so out of his mind.

“You do realize that one of the first things you said to me was ‘the water heals me’, don’t you?” Makoto makes a good-humored imitation of Haruka’s low tone of voice. “It wasn’t very hard to find you, really.”

The artist turns his face to the side, cursing the gods and wanting for this awkward day, full of shame and embarrassment, to be over already.

He doesn’t recall saying that stupid line.

However, he does remember Nagisa’s request to Makoto before Haruka left the library earlier, and the sickness returns in full form.

“I don’t need you to babysit me, Makoto. I am fine.” He explains in a stubborn way.

The sunny boy stays quiet for a while, staring at the water, fingers trailing circles on the clear liquid. He seems so deep in thought that Haruka starts swimming once more, careful to remain in the surface this time, just in case Makoto decides to speak again.

Eventually, Makoto interrupts the silence, and Haruka stills his smooth movements to listen to him.

“I didn’t come to babysit you. I honestly don’t think you need that kind of attention. I came because I wanted to speak with you.”

At the moment, warm green eyes and cold blue ones find each other they show more than any words can convey.

Makoto seems to consider his option of speaking or not for a quite a while. Before long, he sighs and resumes telling his story.

“I heard the things Aoto said to you. It was the first time I saw how he treats others, but it wasn’t the first time I heard about him.” His voice is hesitant. “For the past few months I have received some complaints about him to the newspaper, and people asked me for advice.” The young man lowers his serious gaze, quiet sharing his story with Haruka. “Those questions I chose to answer privately because I didn’t want to cause any discomfort to anyone. But… after today, I just wish I had done something better with the knowledge I had.”

At last Haruka understands. Makoto is not here to help him out of pity or charity. He is here to seek comfort too, as an equal, and that alone makes his body move unconsciously closer to Makoto.

“You couldn’t have prevented this” it is the bare truth. “It happened a long time ago.” Haruka’s voice fills the air, no longer shaken or distressed.

This brings a sheepish smile to Makoto’s lips. “A long time, huh?” his gaze is mysteriously curious while the words paint Haruka’s skin a shade pinker. “Well, it just makes everything worse, doesn’t it? No wonder you got so angry.”

Yes, Haruka knows it.

His heart sinks a bit. “I am sorry… you had to hold me” the boy mutters in a small and unsure kind of voice. Even Haruka is surprised by the tone that left his mouth.

“Haru…” Makoto studies Haruka for a while. “Wait, what?” His face contorts in shock and the boy covers his eyes with his hands and then runs wet fingers through the sand hair. Eventually, he assumes a determined expression and his huge body leans forward.

Only now, Haruka becomes aware of how close they really are from each other. Even with all the chlorine, the boy smells Makoto’s fresh, almond milky scent.

“Is that what you thought? That I held you because you lost control?”

Haruka holds his breath while he admires the lovely emerald eyes.

“Well, I didn’t grab your arm because you were angry, Haru. You had every right to be. I only held you because I thought that you have a lot more to lose.” A sincere smile finally appears. “You are an incredible athlete, an artist, and you have the scholarship to keep, don’t you?” The voice is soft when it flows all over Haruka.

The swimmer doesn’t know what to say, so he continues to appreciate the other’s peaceful beauty. In times like these Makoto just _glows_.

“I am sorry I held you against your will and didn’t explain a thing. He shouldn’t have said those things to you. Besides –”

Whatever Makoto is going to say gets lost in the way out of his throat.

Haruka chooses to be honest with Makoto. Well, as honest as he can be. Usually, he believes that opening his mind is a bother, but the green-eyed boy doesn’t need to live with remorse, especially not about this situation.

“It was true. Everything that Aoto said.” It pains him to share the words, but he fights the urge to hold on to them and displays his worst fears out for Makoto to see.

“No, it wasn’t, Haru.”

“It was!” he didn’t mean to shout. Not really. He knows better than this, so he keeps his cold gaze steady. “It has been a long time, but everything happened exactly like he said.”

He commands his body to stop shaking. It doesn’t obey.

He commands his lungs to work. _Not a damn answer_.

_Did you really think you could have better?_

_I don’t know anymore._

 

 

The water is freezing by now, and each pore of his body complains.

Yes, that is the reason why Haruka’s frame is shivering faintly, of course.

“It doesn’t matter.” His personal sun’s voice breaks the shield of misery that squeezes him. “Can’t you see? It doesn’t matter if it happened in one night, one week or in one year. No one has the right to speak to you like that.”

Makoto is brighter than any light Haruka has ever seen, and his words feel like being embraced by a comforter during a winter day.

The mass communication student reaches out his strong hands and Haruka is sure he is going to pet his head in the same way he did with Nagisa that morning.

That is not what he gets.

In this case, reality overtook any expectation he previously had.

Instead of a fraternal physical contact, he feels sensual fingers stroking the dark locks of hair, gently pulling the wet strands behind his left ear. There’s a loving smile on the gracious lips.

“Don’t let anyone treat you like that again. Okay?”

Makoto’s voice is tender though his gaze is so firm that Haruka nods without a second thought. Meanwhile, fingers continue their exploration of Haruka’s silk curls.

Despite the large size of his hands, the touch is pleasant and very sweet.

Being caressed by the man that he loves for the first time, in the pool that he loves, has a powerful calming effect in Haruka.

In the end, it really doesn’t matter if he has lost faith, or if he doesn’t believe in any of the words Makoto is saying.

As long as Makoto believes in him, that is enough.

For now, that is more than enough.

Furthermore, no one, _no one_ , is going to treat him like shit ever again.

After all the sadness and the pain, Haruka will make sure of it.

If there is something he discovered after this whole nightmare is that he is not alone.

Right now, he has friends who have his back.

In the peacefulness of the pool, he has a handsome man smiling just for him.

With that in mind, the stoic boy allows his lips to curve up a little too.

“Yeah”

* * * * *

Aoto has a smirk in his face by the time he leaves the residence hall building, a pile of books in his hands as he walks towards the picnic table in the university field.

It is a sunny day, after all.

That is not the reason for his cynic smile, though. The anger in Nanase’s eyes is still fresh in his memories.

Aoto is not a delusional one. He understands a couple of things.

First of all, the raw expression of disgust in those sapphire eyes were the closest he got to put an emotion in the other’s stoic face. Second… Nanase has never, _ever_ , looked at him the way he did to that huge green-eyed guy. His reaction for when the other arrived was priceless.

It is not that Aoto has feelings for Nanase, either. He just is a bad loser, after all.

So his head is full of ideas. Is there a way in which he can convince Nanase to change his mind and come back to his bed?

The raven boy is _so damn hot_.

His thoughts are so thick he doesn’t notice the long shadows coming out of an almost hidden alley.

Aoto enters the dark passage, and that is when he finally notices that he is not alone.

The first thing he sees is the sparks in the white, sharp teeth.

Next, his wide eyes meet red ones, and the blood in them makes the back of his spine contorts in goosebumps.

He glances around, but there is no other way out but to pass through the guy in front of him. The problem is that everything in the other screams ‘danger’.

What does he want? Could it be money?

Then the stranger moves, and Aoto’s heart skips a beat. He is frozen in place. His body won’t move.

With each step, the stranger closes the space between them, part of his face hidden by the hat. Even the exercising clothes the other wears seems threatening.

He is so freaking scared, but not afraid enough not to notice the other deep attractiveness.

The situation would be sexy as hell if it wasn’t so terrifying.

When the stranger finally speaks, he is side by side with Aoto, and their arms brush against each other.

“Mess with Nanase again, and I won’t be the worst thing you will find on your way home.”

The words, along with those fatal eyes, leave Aoto speechless.

In the blink of an eye, the stranger is gone.

Aoto’s arms give way to his shock and the books scatter on the stony floor.

_What the hell was that?_

_He did say Nanase’s name, didn’t he?_

Just how many fucking bodyguards does Nanase have?

What the hell?

Suddenly, the idea of seeing those pretty blue eyes again doesn’t seem so interesting anymore.

Aoto is so done with this. There is no way that man is worth such trouble. He is not.

So he grabs the dirtied books, runs back home, and locks the door on the way in.

* * * * *

The steady and confident footsteps keep their pace until the time they reach the corner of the next street, two blocks away from the dark alley. After that, the pace starts to change and acquire an energetic speed.

Leaning against the wall of a famous pet shop is a blond man with devious magenta eyes. Once Rin approaches him, their hands find each other in a cheerful high-five and they walk together, side by side.

“Rin-chan, I can’t believe you did it! Sousuke would be so proud!” the shorter one moves his arms while he speaks to show just how much he appreciated what Rin just did.

“He would, wouldn’t he?” Rin grins at his best friend, the shark teeth prominent. “But aren’t you the _‘I am an actor, respect me as such’_ one? Why did _I_ have to put myself out there?” he teases, pointing at the street where he just came from.

“Ahhh Rin-chan, Aoto would have never believed me, I am too innocent looking. And it was your idea, don’t forget! Even I was surprised!” The boy waves his hands at Rin. Before Rin can complain, he adds “anyways, now that this is over, thank god, when is Sousuke coming back?”

Rin reflects about it for a little. Then he blushes.

“Oh, I think he is coming to visit next week!” Rin runs both hands over his face to hide how red and tired he is. He is sure he needs a good shower too. “I honestly can’t wait.”

“Yeah” Nagisa gives him a kind smile, the one that communicates a lot more than words.

“Is Haru still with Makoto?” Rin wants to make sure.

“Ah, I think so! Mako-chan told me he would look after Haru so I came to find you. I think they are together as long as Haru-chan is smart enough to keep him, that is.” Nagisa laughs. “Do you want to grab something to eat? You seem pale like a mummy. We can search for Haru after that.”

“Well, exercising has its benefits since I have to keep this Olympic body. It’s too bad that I can’t say the same thing about you, demon boy. And yeah, I would kill for some noodles right now…” Rin hopes, arms crossed above his head.

“Or ice cream, right Rin-chan?”

The sun is not on its peak anymore, but it still follows the two friends around, illuminating their way towards the cafeteria and leaving all of the shadows a step behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> So, I am sorry to all Reigisa fans out there that I have not been able to put Rei and Nagisa as friends yet. That is the plan though.
> 
> Also, I finally got my sister to watch Free! with me yesterday, and when we were on the second episode she said 'I don't think Rin is in the main ship at all! The main ship is formed by those two friends over there, isn't it?'. She recognized the makoharu love so earlier in the anime, and I am so proud <3
> 
> And the makoharu mook! The mook! Right on the feels.
> 
> Bye!


	9. Extra scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a fake date at the pool is better than none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Since this doesn't have the same flow as the last chapters, I decided to turn it into an extra scene instead. I hope you don't mind :)  
> Oh, if you can, please check this song out before you read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J1-eYBbspA  
> Enjoy!

Peaceful. Comfortable.

A kind of quietness that goes beyond still, closer to something slow, meaningful, instead.

Inside the gymnasium, a swimmer with raven hair finishes another lap, his chest expanding in the search for air.

A tiny smile appears on his serene face once he catches the sight of his friend relaxing by the edge of the pool, and as if he was one with the water, with fluid movements he swims towards the other boy.

Makoto’s feet remain inside the water while his head rests on the dark colored backpack, shoulders touching the cold floor. With one muscled arm crossed against his chest and the other drawing patterns in the direction of the sky, he sings a soft melody in a different language. It sounds like English to Haruka.

The honeyed voice is low since the boy sings only to himself, absently minded, but the sound fills the solitary place with warmth.

His brown sugar hair looks almost a tint lighter against the navy blue of the backpack, and the forest green shirt he wears enlightens the color of his skin. Even with such dark tones on his clothes and accessories, Makoto looks fresher than a Sunday morning.

Perhaps that is one of his good points. It doesn’t matter what the boy decides to do, his gentleness is always so genuine that he attracts all the good vibes with him.

Like a golden talisman, and more efficient than a Japanese charm, for sure.

Not mentioning that Haruka has grown rather attached to his personal sun.

The sound of the rushing water takes Makoto out of his reverie, and he turns his head in Haruka’s direction. His lips stop singing to give the swimmer a smile so sweet that his eyes crinkle on the edges, the green in them becoming a shade softer in the process.

“Don’t stop” Haruka finds himself pleading, a light blush covering his pale cheeks.

“Stop what?” Makoto inquires curiously, the smile still gracing his features, his arms falling on the floor by his side.

For a second, the young man thinks that those hands are stretched to be nearer to where he is. By now Haruka is close enough to cross his arms on the edge of the pool, which is exactly what he does.

The raven boy averts his head. He doesn’t want to explain, but it seems that Makoto can’t read the craving in his eyes. Haruka doesn’t blame him.

“The song….” His voice carries all of his embarrassment in it.

The realization hits Makoto, and his upturned brows curve even higher.

“Oh. Okay” he answers, unconsciously biting his lower lip.

Makoto glances up at the ceiling and everything is quiet for a while until he starts a new melody that mingles perfectly with his high-pitched tone of voice.

Haruka realizes that Makoto is singing in a different language again.

The artist isn’t really into English. In fact, he couldn’t care less, but after living with Matsuoka Rin for so long one got to learn a little bit of the foreign language. So the boy thinks he catches some of the words and once he understands the lyrics he feels a little proud of himself.

 

 _Why do I keep running from the truth_  
All I ever think about is you  
You’ve got me hypnotized, so mesmerized, and I just got to know

 

So the music is a romantic one. Yeah, it fits Makoto, somehow, a cheesy, sweet melody that carries away the tenderness of his heart. Haruka can’t decide if he enjoys the song _per se_ or if he just cherishes Makoto’s beautiful voice.

Somehow, unlike any other, Makoto’s voice flows pleasantly over him, making him tingle in all the right places.

Haruka had thought it was impossible to find something else to appreciate about Makoto, but that was before he heard the boy singing. Right now, in the bubble of warmth and intimacy that they share, he can’t help but to feel hypnotized by the other boy.

He likes the way those emerald eyes dance with each syllable that leave his lips. Makoto has a large mouth, and Haruka finds himself thinking what would be like to kiss those wet lips. His gaze falls on their every move, and he can’t bring himself to look away.

 

 _Do you ever think, when you're all alone_  
All that we could be, where this thing could go  
  


Blue eyes flash to the Adam’s apple at Makoto’s neck, going up and down with each passing word. His neck is so masculine and thick that Haruka wonders how it would feel to lace his arms around it, bringing the other’s head closer to his own.

He also wishes Makoto had accepted to swim with him. Makoto’s promise to bring a swimsuit with him next time isn’t enough to Haruka, since he would give anything up just to see the muscles on Makoto’s chest, the physical strength that the light fabric of the shirt can’t cover well, especially with the boy laying on his back like this.

It feels like an invitation to Haruka, really.

Or better, this is probably the world’s worst punishment.

A contest of how long one can keep his hands to himself when facing such a view.

Haruka for sure can’t be blamed for these awakening desires.

 

 _Am I crazy or falling in love_  
Is it real or just another crush  
  


For some reason, Haruka senses that if his life had a song, this would be the one. Every word that Makoto sings speaks volumes about his own feelings, which is embarrassing and disturbing.

It can’t be a coincidence, can it?

Haruka refuses to think about the fact that maybe, just maybe, he hasn’t been subtle with his actions. Has he been screaming ‘I have a crush on you’ this whole time?

His neck flushes red at the thought. _Is Makoto playing games with me?_

This is a possibility that spread a painful ache through his heart.

 _No_ , he decides, _Makoto would never make fun of me, no matter what._

For all of the months that he has been following Makoto around thought him one thing: there isn’t a single person more caring and kind than the green-eyed boy.

At this moment, Makoto lowers his gaze, staring right into the blue eyes, and Haruka’s brain shuts off.

 _Do you catch a breath when I look at you_  
Are you holding back, like the way I do  
  


The boy suddenly feels his skin prickles from the strength of that gaze, and he feels hot all over his body, from head to toes, everything not related to the green-eyed man leaving his mind all of a sudden.

Were Makoto’s eyes always this gorgeous? Were his hands always this large?

And when did his hands begin to move? Because Makoto’s hands are moving with the melody of the song, so close that they could brush Haruka’s knuckles if the other wanted to.

Of course, Haruka’s eyes beg him to.

 

_Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away  
But I know this crush ain't going away, going away_

 

Suddenly, Haruka stops paying attention to the lyrics altogether. He has another issue to deal with from the moment Makoto’s fingers brush his hand for the first time.

Right there he discovers that Makoto was able to read his eyes, like no one else did before.

Haruka can’t feel the water anymore. There is nothing more important to him than this teasing touch, these long fingers moving back and forth on the edge of the pool, each time grazing more of his feverish skin in the process.

He wonders if he should reciprocate the gesture, but his mind is blank and for once his overworking brain can’t think, he can’t think of anything right now.

The breath is stuck in his throat, and he curses himself for the grunting noise that leaves his lips when Makoto’s fingers linger a little longer on his own.

He looks up and finds a barely there smile on Makoto’s lips, as if the other was trying hard to suppress the gesture, but the swimmer doesn’t mind because he can read the affection in the jade eyes.

His flesh pulses with each one of Makoto’s touches, and now those fingers are slowly, leisurely moving up and down his forearms, the soft green eyes focusing on every twitch of his skin.

But then, with the last note of the music, Makoto’s voice comes to a stop, and time seems to still around them.

The thick electricity in the air isn’t only Haruka’s imagination, and he wonders if he should do something, anything, about it.

There is no better time than this, right?

At the same time, Haruka doesn’t want to screw this up with his impulsive behavior.

The last thing he wants is to force his feelings on his friend and push Makoto away.

Being by his side, hanging out with him, is something entirely new, and Haruka doesn’t know what that means yet. All Haruka knows is that he has never felt more at ease with anyone else.

So, he keeps his gaze on the other boy, eyes sparkling with the desire he can barely contain anymore.

The swimmer isn’t sure how much time has passed since the song ended and their eyes locked in each other, but he isn’t surprised when Makoto’s voice reaches his ears again.

“You look like a mermaid, Haru” Makoto rests on his side now, facing Haruka, a smile on his lips.

Azure eyes widen in surprise and then narrow in a frown. _Mermaid? Where did that come from?_

“…I don’t have a tail.”

“Oh, but if you did, the scales would match your eyes and be so pretty.” Makoto continues with his nonsense.

“…No” Haruka face deadpans. “They would be a shade lighter.”

The spontaneous laugher that fills the air around Haruka is worth the silly joke.

“Ahhh, I can picture your blue scales in my head if I close my eyes now.” Makoto’s eyelids close, emphatically.

“And you look like a cat.”

“Eh?” Makoto jumps a little, green eyes displaying themselves again.

“The way you move your head sometimes is just like a lazy one.” Haruka teases back in a monotone voice.

“I really like cats, but I don’t see much similarity, really, I am not very elegant” Makoto chuckles in a sweet way, shaking his head slightly on the backpack. Haruka feels like he has been faced with a _déjà vu_ and his blank expression softens a little.

Haruka isn’t very fond of jokes. In fact, he keeps a tight grip in his behavior to not let other people know what he thinks or cares about.

But he feels that, with Makoto, he can be a little less guarded for once.

The boy even lets himself dream – that this is fate and not a coincidence, because it looks like a date, except it isn’t one.

So he decides to forget, to not remember what happened in the morning or what reason Makoto had to keep him company. He prefers it this way, choosing ignorance over the harsh reality.

Purposely believing that Makoto would have followed him anyway, regardless the matter of Haruka being sad or not.

They chat – well, mostly Makoto speaks and Haruka hums – for some time, all the while Makoto’s fingers remain half unconsciously brushing the swimmer’s dripping skin.

Until the moment Haruka sneezes.

In a heartbeat, Makoto sits up and looks down at the other boy.

“Haruuu! Aren’t you there for a long time? Thinking about it, your skin is all cold” his face wears an expression Haruka doesn’t recognize, and he frowns while checking the hour displayed on his orange wrist clock. “Eh??? It is already four, huh… You haven’t even eaten lunch today, have you?” Green eyes speak in a brotherly like manner.

 _Neither have you_. Haruka bites the inside of his cheek to prevent the words of flowing around.

First he is surprised. Then he is annoyed. After living by himself for so long, Haruka isn’t used to have someone ordering him around anymore. His parents have always been kind of apart from him, physically and emotionally, and his grandmother died many years ago.

So the boy doesn’t know how to receive such attentions. For now, they only bother him.

At least, he thinks that Makoto is kind of hot with that troubled look on his face.

The unexpected noises of other people coming inside the gymnasium startle them.

Those are all strangers, probably just students hoping to enjoy the pool for a bit. The swimmer curses them under his breath and glares at their direction nonetheless.

Makoto speaks again, bringing Haruka back from his daydreams.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away” the boy chuckles.

Then he withdraws his hands, changing to a straight position, stretching his neck in the process.

Haruka’s heart sinks heavily in his chest, and the skin turns cold on places with the absence of Makoto’s fingers. _Oh, no, no, no. We aren’t done here._

He can taste the bitter flavor of anxiety in his mouth. All of a sudden he feels the urge to kiss the other boy. But something, _something_ , inside him is keeping him frozen in place, grounded.

And those goddamned kids disrespecting his pool aren’t helping the mood either. He can hear the lively splash sound of water in the background of his mind.

“Are you feeling better? Shall we go eat something, Haru? I am really hungry.” The young man laughs contented.

“Yeah” Haruka mutters, face buried under his bangs. When he finally looks up, there is a large hand extended in his direction.

“Come on, Haru. Let’s find something to eat.”

The other tone is so light and full of life that amazes Haruka.

Were they sharing the same moment a while ago? Despite the fact that Haruka’s mood is all misery, Makoto looks happier than ever for leaving the gymnasium.

Haruka stares at Makoto as if he were from a different species. _Perhaps he is_ , the young man concludes. It isn’t that Makoto is weird. It is just that no one else is quite like him.

With a sigh, Haruka grabs the hand, ignoring the sharp pang of energy that runs through his veins at the contact, and pushes his body out of the pool.

He doesn’t need to see because he feels Makoto’s lingering gaze on his drenched body, and shivers when the cold air touches his bare skin. When his eager eyes search Makoto’s, the other is already grabbing his backpack and shoes from the floor, face hidden from him.

By the time their eyes finally meet, Haruka is disappointed to find nothing more than a friendly countenance written in the emerald gems. If there had been desire or even hunger, expressed in them a moment ago, it is long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, this scene was supposed to be written in 2 pages, I ended up with 9. Since I couldn't decide what part to cut off, I finally decided to post it like that :) 
> 
> I liked that song a lot while growing up (now it is only embarrassing), but I figured that it fitted the story.
> 
> I also struggled a bit in this. I wanted to throw all my plot through the wind and be like "now kiss" haha but I managed to control myself in the end. Sorry about the slow building though, I have a clear idea of how I want things to develop, even if it doesn't show sometimes...
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and the comments, they are very precious to me. 
> 
> Next time: The Iwatobi team united, and get ready for jealous!Haru :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which jealousy takes place inside his heart.

Indifference, fear, hate, self-loathing, confusion, faith, and love… so many emotions for such a long day.

Haruka stands under an autumn tree, contemplating as the leaves fall around him and thinking about everything that happened so far. When his clock rang that morning, he didn’t count on becoming so mad and exhausted. On top of that, there is the aching pain caused because of the annoying voices exclaiming all around him.

_“Hey, Tachibana-kun!”_

_“Tachibana-kun, over here!”_

_“Please, could you take a look at this real quick?”_

_“Tachibana-kun, leaving already?”_

_“Tachibana-kun!”_

_“Tachibana-kun!”_

_“TACHIBANA-KUN!”_

Haruka looks down at his shoes, or else he won’t be able to stop glaring at the strange faces. It has been only fifteen minutes since they left the gym, but the number of people stopping their quest for food to talk to Makoto has been desperately increasing.

The swimmer isn’t surprised or angry, really. After all, the mass communication student is pretty popular and loved by everyone on campus. Haruka knows that reality deeply. But, for being an introvert, it is only natural for Haruka to feel tired with the constant interruptions.

Like a rough wake up call, his little comfort zone is being ripped apart at the edges.

So Haruka stares down, hands shoved in his pockets, swimming jacket covering his slightly wet body and waits for his companion to naturally come back to his side.

Makoto talks with a petite girl about an assignment they have in common. Haruka realizes this because of how his crush keeps his notebook open as the girl copies the notes down on her own colorful post-it. However, the way she leans into his personal space makes the back of Haruka’s head throb in pain.

Then, the first bit of doubt flickers in his mind.

_For how long should I wait for him?_

Being a college student and part of the news team had Makoto busy, but beyond that he was also compassionate to an impossible extent. This had people relying on him for almost everything. Haruka has seen it several times over the years, which is why he can’t expect Makoto to focus only on him. Even though he understands that, the artist wishes they were still at the pool, sharing songs and not so innocent touches.

Just as Haruka considers leaving without Makoto, finally setting the other man free from his presence, blue eyes lock with green ones, and the soft gaze keeps him frozen in place.

_I will be right there with you, okay?_

_Don’t worry, I will be fine. Help your friends._

_Wait for me, Haru._

_It’s fine, Makoto._

_I mean that. Let’s grab food together. Okay?_

_I said it’s…_

Something about Makoto’s gaze enters through Haruka’s skin, and the boy averts his eyes. “It is fine,” he mutters, almost to himself. _Of course, it's fine._

The raven haired boy peels the skin off his fingers with his tooth, not realizing how odd it is to be able to have a silent conversation like that. The only thought filling his heart is the promise of spending more time with Makoto.

Sooner than later, the handsome man speeds towards him, chocolate hair falling wild around his forehead. “Haru, I am sorry that it took me so long to explain this assignment, and I made you wait,” the boy explains while catching his breath, putting his notebook back in his backpack and trying to fix his messy, wonderful hair.

Haruka stares at the leaves on the floor for one more second before heading to the university’s entrance gate. “Let’s go.”

The walk for the rest of the way is more pleasant, with fewer people sticking their noses up and glaring at Haruka's figure for stealing Makoto's attention away. His companion fills the silence between them with easy chatting. He talks about the school, about his parents, about the cat he used to own, about traveling and working, politics and books.

No matter what Makoto talks about, everything is interesting and carries so much gentleness in its tone that Haruka can only stare and be enchanted. Like always.

Just when he was thinking about how unusually warm it is outside, Makoto reaches inside his backpack and offers Haruka his water bottle with a smile. “Here, Haru. You must be thirsty, right?”

The swimmer accepts the offer and drinks the cold water eagerly, trying not to bother about the distance between their bodies as they walk.

 

* * * * *

 

The first thing Haruka notices when he enters the noodle restaurant is the air conditioner, and he sighs in contentment. The heat has a strange effect on his mood, making him more grumpy than usual, so it’s a good thing to be in a cold room right now.

Then he realizes how stylish the place is, with cartoon picture frames on the walls and colorful furniture that makes the room more lively and young. He can see that the restaurant attracts many student customers, who hang around in the stuffed chairs at this lazy hour.

At last, there is the delicious smell of meat and pasta, which reminds Haruka of how hungry he truly is. He didn’t have lunch today, and he skipped breakfast that morning too…

He doesn’t expect Nagisa’s ringing voice cutting through his soul, however.

“HARU-CHAN, LOOK OVER HERE!!!”

_Shit… so much for a peaceful evening._

Haruka looks around and his eyes catch the sight of fluffy yellow hair and shark teeth. _Oh well._ Emotionless, he walks through the empty tables and stands right next to his friends, still sensing Makoto’s warmth emanating behind him.

Once he gets closer, he stares at the unbelievable amount of sugary drinks and sweets of all kinds piled in front of Nagisa, who extends his hand and grabs Haruka’s arm.

“Haru-chan, I am so happy to see you! Are you feeling better?” Magenta eyes widen when they look past the swimmer’s shoulders. “Mako-chan, will you sit with us today? Here, here.”

The petit boy proceeds to shove Rin to the side, creating more room on the booth for Makoto and Haruka and filling the place with the red-haired man complaints.

“Yo, stop doing that! I can move by myself!” Rin says again and again, but it seems his voice is powerless against Nagisa’s strong will.

Haruka is so overwhelmed by his ridiculous friends that, when he feels warm hands on his shoulders, he flinches instinctively, but Makoto just chuckles and leans closer to the boy’s ear. “I will get us food, okay? What do you want to eat?”

The hot breath on his face and the tone Makoto used is very intimate. _Does Makoto realize that?_ Haruka turns his head a little to the side, speaking closer to Makoto’s lips. “Mackerel,” he says, flicking his eyes from Makoto’s mouth to the emerald eyes.

“Okay,” the brunet answers with a little hesitation, takes his hands off Haruka’s body, greets his friends, leaves his bag on the booth and heads to the counter to buy their food. All the while, the swimmer’s heart struggles to leave its cage; it is a wonder that he was able to keep his cool voice. Now the swimmer wonders if he was imagining things.

When blue eyes return to a scene where Nagisa fights an annoyed Rin, the petit boy gives Haruka a knowing smirk.

Deciding that chilling is the best thing to do, Haruka takes his seat as if nothing had happened at all today (which it didn’t) and stares at his friends. “What is going on?”

Rin puts his arms behind his head and looks at the ceiling. “Huh. We were going to search for you after eating.” His tone, his looks, the way his eyes cast to Nagisa while speaking… everything suggests he is hiding something. When it comes down to Rin, the source of his guilty feelings is never a good thing, so Haruka pushes the issue.

“What is it? Rin.”

At this moment, Makoto returns to the table with two hot plates of noodles. “Here, Haru.” He hands over the first plate and sits by the swimmer’s side.

“Thank you,” Haruka murmurs, grabbing his chopsticks, eyes falling on the sweet piece of mackerel on the white plate, before facing Rin one more time.

“Haru-chan, don’t be so grumpy,” Nagisa intervenes, and his eyes lit up. “We just scared Aoto-chan a little, that is all,” he says the last sentence in his best nonchalant way.

Haruka is so startled that his chopsticks fall from his fingers, but Makoto saves the day and hands the swimmer new chopsticks.  It is only now that the student notices Rin’s casual clothes, a strange arrangement that almost never happens. Rin is always with his swimming jacket or gym bag.

“Why?” Haruka demands. His head aches and he has no willpower to deal with this issue any longer. All he wants to do is to lean into Makoto’s broad shoulders and forget about this horrible day.

“Why, you ask…because he deserved it, okay!?” Rin suddenly bursts out, scaring the other clients with his terrifying appearance. “No one is going to treat you like shit, not if I can kick their asses first!”

“That's right, Haru-chan. Just accept it, please,” Nagisa says before grabbing a mouthful of cake and making satisfied noises.

_Accept it? Nagisa, what are you saying?_

This has gone too far, too fast. Too many people are involved. Aoto was not the first person to look down on Haruka, and he won’t be the last, for sure. Why bother with it? The blow didn’t even come from what Aoto actually said, but from what he reminded Haruka of…

“Huh…do you guys always do this kind of thing? Scaring people, I mean,” Makoto asks, interrupting Haruka’s train of thought.

Right there it becomes clear how foreign Makoto is to them. Like a different territory and nothing makes it more obvious than the silence and the wide eyes the student receives as an answer. Perhaps Makoto realized this because he puts his hands up, blushing. “Don’t get me wrong, I do think… he deserved… whatever it was… a little...”

The exchanged glance between Nagisa and Rin seems to carry the meaning:  _Okay, we will talk with you_. Haruka catches it and doesn’t know what to do. Confidently, Rin moves forward and looks straight into green eyes, speaking to Makoto for the first time that evening.

“Well, well, sunny boy, we don’t threaten people often. But if I am being honest, we do have a list of names.” There is malice in the bloody glint of the swimmer’s eyes.

“Names of people who dared to cross our path” Nagisa adds, in a somber way.

“People who won’t try anything else… ever again,” the redhead murmurs, shark teeth more prominent than ever.

The shadows casted on their faces mixed with the weird tone of their voices seem to scare the life out of Makoto, who clings to the bottom of Haruka’s shirt unconsciously. It is only when he notices the infinite blue right in front of him, only when the sudden laugh of Nagisa and Rin combined reach his ears, that Makoto releases his grip on the smaller man beside him and breathes again, chuckling lightly.

“Haha, you are a scaredy cat, aren’t you, Makoto?” Nagisa teases, wiping the tears out of his eyes. Rin smacks his fist on the table, again and again, laughing out loud. “Of course there is no list!”

“Hey!” Haruka complains, annoyed. “Stop teasing him.” His shirt is still warm from Makoto’s fierce grip. He had never seen the other boy that terrified before, and it was both endearing and scary.

“It's okay, Haru.” Makoto’s voice is low. “They really do care about you, don’t they?”

They look at each other, and Haruka understands what Makoto truly means. By playing with Makoto, the two boys made sure he felt like one of them. Teasing was their way of interacting with the green-eyed boy for the first time as a group, getting to know him.

It was messed up, but with a good reason deep, really deep down.

The swimmer casts his eyes on his meal. “Yeah.” Then he puts the fish in his mouth, tasting the flavor with his tongue, and his breath hitches.

“Is it good?” Makoto asks in a childish, expectant voice.

Instead of forming words, because he couldn’t ever explain his thoughts or find the right description for his tastes, Haruka answers with a real smile of his own.

All he knows is that he needs to find this recipe and try it out at home, as soon as possible.

 

* * * * *

 

The meal is wonderful and the restaurant is cozy, so the four boys rest at their seats fully sated and happy. Haruka is distracted by the cartoon images by the closest wall, wondering if he could produce something like that with a paper and his colorful pens.

“Mako-chan, did you answer my question already?” Nagisa inquiries suddenly, giving Makoto an excited gaze.

_Question? What question?_ Haruka wonders.

Then it hits him that maybe this is how Makoto and Nagisa met. The latter might have gone to the newspaper room to send a request for Makoto’s column. If that is what really happened, his friend really is a cunning one.

_But what question was that?_

“Ah, I haven’t Nagisa, I am sorry,” Makoto apologizes and gives Nagisa a sweet smile. “But I promise I will get to it soon.”

“It is okay, Mako-chan, I understand.” The boy waves his hands, dismissing Makoto’s apologies. “You are really busy with the newspaper, right?” He plays with his yellow curls, relaxed. “By the way, we read the last issue and your words were really amazing!” His face lights up as he speaks.

Rin looks up from his almost empty plate, red eyes considering revealing his thoughts and finally decides to do so. “It was cheesy, but – I enjoyed it.” The athlete shrugs. “Good job, Makoto.”

The sudden praise seems to have struck Makoto hard, and for once the green-eyed boy is speechless, especially because it came from the two people who were ruthlessly mocking him minutes before, probably. “Thank you,” he finally articulates, not being able to hide his grin, the happiness bursting out of him through his eyes. “To be honest, the last article was really hard to write. I had a lot of help from my team, so I am glad that you appreciate the result.”

Haruka admires Makoto from the corner of his eyes, observing as the man elegantly rests his chin on his joined hands, elbows on the table. Haruka realizes that he sits that way often. Then Makoto glances at Haruka, catching the swimmer staring at him.

Thankfully, Nagisa doesn’t miss a beat.

“Oh, Haru-chan reads your articles with me in the school library every week. Right, Haru?”

In fact, Haru-chan wants nothing more than to die from embarrassment at this specific moment. _What the hell, Nagisa!_ His hands are sweating, his heartbeat is picking up because Haruka hates the feeling of being exposed. Feels like déjà vu.

Being Nagisa’s friend means having your dark secrets constantly spread out for everyone to see. What a bother. If it wasn’t so important to Makoto, he would just shrug and ignore it. But it is Makoto’s life they are talking about. _Damn it_.

So he peeks at his crush from under dark eyelashes and a waterfall of bangs, and nods, an earnest expression on his face.

Haruka does read it. He loves it so much he keeps every single article in a blue box at home. He knows the content of each page by heart. No matter what, he could never admit this out loud. Maybe someday… maybe someday the artist will be able to show that box to Makoto.

In a matter of seconds, the green in Makoto’s eyes change, from expectation to surprise, to kindness and to tenderness, engulfing Haruka in its blazing gaze. It is a beautiful thing to see, a paradox, dangerously appealing in its own innocent way. Finally, the man lowers his head and whispers just for him to hear...

“I see. Thank you, Haru.”

The dark-haired man turns his face to the side, hiding his awkward blush.

It is fun to be around Makoto, Haruka realizes. _This_ is much more enjoyable than imagining him while painting or soaking in his tub, fantasizing about how it would feel to be by his side.

The real deal is funnier, prettier and more interesting than he could have ever pictured in his mind. It took him just an hour to become on good terms with Nagisa and Rin, who have a habit of over protecting Haruka from everything, judging foreign people as threats most of the time because of that. Makoto, on the other hand, sidestepped their silly prejudices and won them over with his genuine kindness.

Haruka is actually impressed, respect peeking its head out of the mask of neutrality he usually wears.

So, no matter how odd it is, when he hears the loud noises of Shigino Kisumi and Ryuugazaki Reicrossing the restaurant to talk to Makoto, he welcomes them with goodness in his eyes.

“Makotoooooo,” Kisumi whines and clings to his friend for a moment in front of everyone. “We have been looking for you everywhere! Aren’t you coming with us to Hayato’s birthday party?”

The blue-eyed man glances at Makoto sideways, watching as the other’s eyes widen in surprise and his face becomes red. He doesn’t judge the way Kisumi’s arms are wrapped around Makoto’s shoulders because the annoying student is overly touchy with everyone. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Kisumi and Rei exchange greetings with Nagisa and Rin.

Before Makoto can say anything, Rei intervenes.

“I am sorry, Makoto-kun, I tried to stop him and leave you alone with your friends, but it was helpless,” the man declares while pushing his glasses forward, speaking rather loudly over the sound of Nagisa drinking from his soda, sucking the rest of its contents with the straw. Rei flashes a gaze mixed with both interest and disgust at the blond.

Meanwhile, Makoto pats his friend’s arms and smiles at them, posture controlled once again, Haruka realizes.

“It’s okay, Rei. Kisumi, I am sorry for being late, but why didn’t you call me?”

At this, Kisumi drops his arms and moves closer to Rei, grabbing the boy’s arm. Contrary to what Haruka would assume, Rei doesn’t flinch or back away, he just pats Kisumi’s hand like Makoto did. “We tried while we were at the newsroom, but you never answered our calls! So we decided to search for you” explains Kisumi, and Rei only nods, back straight and posture rigid.

Haruka notices as Makoto digs into his pocket and takes out his uncharged cell phone, then looks up at the two boys. “Sorry guys, the battery died without me realizing it” he clarifies.

There is something about their interaction that disturbs Haruka a little, but he doesn’t feed the thought, willing it to disappear. _Those are his friends_ , he reminds himself, again and again. Haruka is also distantly aware that he has no idea who this Hayato is.

Deliberately, he avoids locking eyes with Rin or Nagisa and their sarcastic selves.

“Maybe I should – ” Makoto starts and stops suddenly, eyes glued on the door, making everyone turn into the same direction in open curiosity.

Gleaming with the sun, bright red in brilliant colors, stands Mikoshiba Seijuurou. His orange eyes light up like a candle when they spot the news team, which he currently leads, so he walks confidently toward their table.

Kisumi is waving his hands at the newcomer and Rei’s expression is more relaxed than Haruka has ever seen but, unlike the boys, each of Mikoshiba's steps sink heavier in Haruka’s heart.

For a moment time stills, as Haruka observes Makoto, whose jade eyes are fixed on his senior.

Then the instant is gone and Mikoshiba is right in front of them, placing a large hand on Makoto’s shoulders. “Finally found him, huh. About time.” He stares down at Makoto, but his words seem to be directed at Rei and Kisumi. He then directs his gaze to Nagisa and Rin. “Sorry to interrupt you guys! I hope we haven’t arrived at a bad timing.” He smiles a giant smile, squeezing Makoto’s shoulders with familiarity.

Haruka watches the scene unfold with a frozen heart. Even his breath is shallow. For the first time since he officially met the green-eyed student, _Makoto’s eyes are not on him._

It hits him that he did become greedy, which is pointless, since Makoto is not his boyfriend. His mind also provides that Mikoshiba is tall, definitely attractive, loud and cheerful, everything he isn’t. Mikoshiba and Haruka are as different as night and day.

“Shall we go, Makoto? We shouldn’t make Hayato wait on his special day, right?”

_Wait… What?_

“Yes, you are right.” Makoto smiles and looks at his finished plate on the table. “Thank you for letting me join you guys, I had a lot of fun.” He chuckles and smiles warmly at Haruka, Rin, and Nagisa.

In the back of his mind, Haruka is following the current events, he really is, but some part of his brain shut down at the idea that Makoto would really leave with them. With Mikoshiba. It is with terrified eyes that he follows the new developments.

“Aw Mako-chan, we have to do something together again, ok?” Nagisa beams at the young man with honest delight.

“See ya,” is all Rin cares to say, but his expression is sociable, shark teeth hidden from the world.

With a smooth motion, Makoto gets up from his seat, glances one last time at Haruka, and walks out of the restaurant with Mikoshiba by his side still touching his shoulders, and Rei and Kisumi on his toes, already engaged in a conversation.

Rin’s eyes focus on Mikoshiba’s shoulder blades, then go lower and lower. “Damn, he is hot” he speaks under his breath, voice constricted and mesmerized. Haruka is filled with the desire to punch him in the face and shut his stupid mouth. He settles for kicking his legs under the table.

And the door is closed.

After everything, it is finally silent between them.

“Ahhhh they took him away,” Nagisa complains in a small voice, wiping the corner of his mouth with napkins and pushing the dirty plates away from him.

Rin just shrugs and rests more comfortably in his seat, arms crossed behind his head, eyes lost. “Yeah, that was interesting. I was getting tired of them already.”

“Rin-chan, you are so mean!” Nagisa exclaims “You shouldn’t say things like that. Mako-chan and Rei-chan are really nice!”

“U-hu. What about Kisumi and Mikoshiba? Aren’t you going to say that they are nice too?” Rin frowns to a pouting Nagisa. “What do you think about the rest of them, Haru?” Rin asks after a while.

The question flows, hangs in the air, and eventually dies, falling into oblivion as sapphire eyes continue to glare fiercely at the noodle restaurant door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Truculent and EggDropSoup for being my betas here :)
> 
> Oh my gosh it has been so long, I am so sorry. The past weeks were very busy and tiresome for me. Anyway, during this time something amazing happened! This fic got 500 kudos and that is amazing! Thank you so much to you all, I am really happy ♥
> 
> I feel like there is not much going on in this chapter, but I wanted to close a few gaps and show a glimpse of what Makoto’s life might be like, since being loved by everyone has its ups and downs. It was a hard chapter to write, too many characters in the same place, too many voices trying to speak. I felt so overwhelmed haha so please let me know if something felt out of place xD I hope you enjoyed it ♥ From now on, we will be getting Makoto’s POV too. Until next time :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Haruka stalks Makoto and Kisumi is far wiser than we think.

The room borrowed by the news team, situated on the top floor of the university center, is quiet in the early mornings.

The long rows of white tables, expensive computers, sheets of paper, and dark chairs are empty. The lights are turned off, only the natural daylight comes through the window and illuminates Makoto’s figure.

The boy leans on the edge of the window’s frame, on the right side of the room, and watches the university field come to life with a small smile tugging his lips. Here and there he can see the number of students increasing, not rushing but calmly walking to the cafeteria or waiting for the library to finally open.

The classes will start in a couple of hours. It’s a bit chilly outside, and people took their scarfs out of the closet for the very first time this semester, Makoto notices with mild curiosity and worry. Hopefully, it will get warmer because he forgot his own on the way to school.

He takes another sip of his hot chocolate, eats another chocolate chip cookie, and looks at his wrist clock. 07:45 A.M.

A few years ago, the sight would be unimaginable. High schooler Makoto was always running late, always forgetting important things. But here in Tokyo, without his mother’s gentle assistance, he got used to getting ready before his roommates did and spending his breakfast time on the silent room. He found that he needed this moment to gather his thoughts and clear his mind before his friends, co-workers and classmates catch up on him.

From here on, there won’t be any moment alone.

The thought of Kisumi’s face when he discovers that Makoto already left the apartment invades his mind and makes Makoto chuckle lightly. It has been so many months already, but the cotton-haired boy still complains every time. Rei is easier to handle, more understanding and less pushy. The student is glad the photographer apprentice is there to balance their interactions, happy that his roommates are so caring and friendly.

Once he eats the last cookie, Makoto yawns and pushes off from the window frame and heads to his table, sitting and grabbing his planner, taking notes of the things he needs to finish today: an assignment about the history of the radio; read the last chapters of a Public Relations book for tomorrow’s class; arrange an interview with the theater club; check the equipment and prepare for an afternoon meeting; watch the newest episode of Teen Wolf.

The TV series is scary and getting somber with every passing episode, but hopefully Makoto will have his roommates to watch it with him. Or maybe he could start the Captive Prince book that Nitori lent him the other day…

His thoughts are distracted by the sound of his cellphone ringing. A text message. When Makoto unlocks the phone he is greeted with a photograph of Ran and Ren smiling brightly at him, the words ‘ _Good morning Oniichan!_ ’ accompanying the photo.

He can’t help but giggle at this, the sweet sound filling the otherwise quiet room. His siblings are so cute. The answer typed by his fingers is ‘ _Good morning Ran and Ren! Good luck on your presentation today XD’._ Makoto smiles at the camera and sends the new photo to the twins.

Makoto grabs his pencil, but, instead of using it for the purpose of writing, he leans his chin on the utensil and thinks about home. About his mother’s food, his father’s love for business magazines, his siblings noises and the easy chattering they would always share at their kitchen table, about the sound of waves coming through the walls and calming his soul.

Tokyo is huge, crowded, exciting and fascinating, like a constant fire that never goes out. It’s more than Makoto could have ever asked for. The decision to come all the way here was accurate, he have been learning so much and meeting wonderful people. Not mentioning how beautiful the city really is, with its secret passageways and remarkable parks.

But there were times when he missed the safety and the soothing atmosphere of his family house.

After a while, Makoto sighs softly and shakes his head with a smile gracing his lips, dismissing the earlier thoughts. The boy is happy with his life the way it is, and he should focus on how good everything feels right now. With that in mind, he goes back to his notes and checks his e-mail for the first time that day.

 

* * * * *

 

_Damn, it’s chilly outside_. Before he realized, it’s that time of the year again, in which the fall starts to give away its warmth and slowly drifts into pure white and ice.

Today, Haruka still catches the sight of yellow leaves everywhere, despite the cold weather. He brings his swimming jacket a little closer to his body, a shallow motion so Nagisa can’t complain too much at him. _Haru-chan, you never wear your clothes right_ , the demon he calls _friend_ would accuse non-stop.

He glances sideways and sees flocks of blond hair leaning against the railing as Nagisa is facing in another direction. On his other side, Rin is texting Sousuke, and being an ass.

“Seriously Haru, I thought we were over this. What are we doing here, anyway?”

By _here_ he means the top of the biology building. It’s one of the highest places in the whole campus, and the one with the best view. From their spot, they can observe various buildings, including the mass communication department, the university center, the library, and the open field with its fallen leaves and wood benches.

Haruka merely shrugs. “You know,” he doesn’t bother to elaborate.

“Do I? Yeah, but why?” The redhead stares at him with exasperated eyes. “Aren’t you guys BFF’s now? Why bother coming here today?”

Anger blooms inside Haruka and he retort fiercely, “Wasn’t it your idea in the first place?”

Everything is red when Rin leans into his personal space. “First, it was Nagisa’s, and second, that was like two years ago! I thought we had made some improvement!”

Surprisingly, Nagisa’s voice can be heard beside them, the boy speaking for the first time since they arrived. “Stop bickering, you two. And Rin-rin, don’t be so insensitive. Haru-chan needs to be sure of something, right?” Huge magenta eyes turn to face Haruka, brilliant, beautiful and fully supportive.

Haruka nods. “Thank you, Nagisa.” And because mocking Rin is his favorite hobby since high school, he adds to the blondie. “At least I can count on you.”

“I will just pretend I hadn’t heard this shit.” His shark-teethed friend shakes his head in disbelief, texting a message in a hurried fury. “You are such a –”

Whatever he was going to say gets lost when Nagisa starts jumping in excitement, pointing to a spot closer to the library. “There they are, Haru-chan! Look!”

Close to him, Rin mutters a faint “finally.”

Haruka searches for the place where Nagisa is aiming, and his heart slows down in his chest when his vision is filled with mocks of coffee brown hair, broad chest and green eyes.

Makoto walks in a leisured pace along with Ryuugazaki. After a moment, Haruka notices Shigino Kisumi leaving the white building after them, focused on the cellphone in his hands at first. Then, the cotton-haired boy runs to catch his friends, arms open in an obvious complaint, but Makoto only chuckles at the student, bringing his hands to shield his body from Kisumi’s playful punches.

After a while, they start walking toward one of the residence hall houses.

The three interact in a sweet, comfortable way, and Haruka can’t help the ghostly smile that crosses his lips. With his stalker history, he has seen the same pattern in their behavior over and over again, until what he thought was painfully annoying became familiar and a sight he is fond of watching.

Surely, Makoto looks gorgeous today, with his green hoodie, cream shirt and light jeans. The brown shoulder bag gives his appearance a nice touch as well. Whenever he is with Kisumi and Ryuugazaki, Makoto also has a carefree expression on his face, almost childish, which is a delight to see.

Haruka even considers that he might like Kisumi after all because at least the stupid boy seems to be a good, genuine friend for his crush.

The blue-eyed boy is so entranced by the trio that he barely notices when Rin takes a hold of his forearms, whispering a low “fuck.” Not until a displeasing combination of orange and white appears in the corners of his eyes. After a moment, Nagisa’s fingers entwine with his own.

Haruka witnesses as Mikoshiba waves his hands, and Makoto, Ryuugazaki, and Kisumi immediately stop in their tracks. Soon, Mikoshiba joins the trio and the four chat – well, mostly Mikoshiba and Makoto talk while Kisumi stands closer to Ryuugazaki in the background.

As he stares at them from his high spot, Haruka is aware of the thick silence hanging above his head even with all the blood rushing in his ears. He can’t begin to explain how much the scene makes his stomach twist in disdain and sickness. He absolutely hates it.

He hates it when Mikoshiba leans on Makoto’s personal space and talks close to his ears.

He hates it when Mikoshiba takes a red leaf out of Makoto’s hair and dishevels his brown locks even more.

He hates it when Mikoshiba grabs Makoto’s clothing and starts dragging him, Kisumi and Ryuugazaki toward a different path, away from the residence halls and in the direction of the university center, laughing the whole time.

But what he hates even more is that Makoto chose to follow Mikoshiba without any struggle, just turning on his heels to the new destination, being led by the hold on his shirt.

At last, they disappear from his vision, and Haruka is left to wonder what in the world he is going to do.

After a while, Rin releases his arm and pushes the red hair out of his forehead. “Damn, what is that guy’s deal anyway?” He puts his hands on his hips. “Does he think he owns Makoto or something? What a freak.”

“I know, that is… a little disturbing,” Nagisa concedes, letting go of Haruka’s hand. “They were heading to their apartment, right? I don’t understand why Rei-chan agrees with everything that Mikoshiba says.”

Rin turns, inflamed eyes wide and confused. “What the hell? You are worried about Rei?” Then his eyes glitter with a bloody understanding. “Yeah, I get what you are saying. Rei and that Kisumi behave like fucking toys sometimes, following Makoto around. It’s ridiculous.”

As they discuss the current events, Haruka leans his head on the railing, staring at the bright sky, and closes his eyes. In his mind, there is only one question.

_Why can’t it be me? Even after all this time…_

It has happened before. The way Makoto’s eyes brighten and he is pushed forward by someone else, too overwhelmed to think about saying ‘no’. And Haruka knows what will happen...

He comprehends that Makoto isn’t going to remain single for long. Not when the whole campus loves him. Not when Mikoshiba keeps hunting him down, and especially not when the brunet keeps allowing it.

Blue eyes stare at the sky, where a bird flies unaware of his worries, and he wonders distantly if he ever stood a chance.

 

* * * * *

 

When Haruka enter the coffee shop later that day, his mind is more composed and his heart has calmed down a little, thanks a lot to Rin and Nagisa’s encouragement. They had talked during lunchtime, and Haruka has come to terms that, no matter what, he isn’t backing down. Not now. Not when he has come this far.

If Mikoshiba thinks he is going to catch Makoto without a competition, he is clearly mistaken. Nothing is set on stone, and Haruka will give him a fucking fight.

So he enters his new favorite place with more confidence than before, heads toward his crush, puts his bag on the table and sits on the empty chair, barely giving him a nod of acknowledgment.

Okay, perhaps meeting this boy so soon was a bad idea after all. Just looking at Makoto’s face shakes Haruka to the core, and he is so pissed off. What was the other thinking, allowing Mikoshiba to touch him in that way? It is infuriating. It is frustrating.

And Haruka isn’t ready to deal with his unpleasing feelings yet.

But then Makoto smiles at him, and his world crumbles, the anger evaporating from his body as if it was never there to begin with. His crush is all sunshine and cuteness in his green sweatshirt, face propped in the palm of his hands while the other extends him a small towel. “Here, Haru.”

For a moment, Haruka only stares at him, not understanding what he wants. “Why?” He asks.

Makoto chuckles and explains softly. “Your hair is dripping, Haru. Your hair is always dripping after your practice, and I decided to bring you a towel so you can properly dry it, otherwise you might get sick, you know?

Haruka brings a hand to his drenched dark locks, and realizes that the back of his neck and the collar of his shirt are wet. However, instead of taking action, he keeps looking at Makoto, silent in his confusion because he didn’t think that Makoto would care about such a silly thing.

Before long though, Makoto smiles falters, and he brings his hands back to his body. “I am – I am sorry, Haru. I shouldn’t have – I just thought that it was a good idea.” He lowers his gaze, uneasiness reflected in the green orbs.

Slowly, Haruka reaches out and grabs the blue cloth, brushing his fingers in Makoto’s hands in the process. “Thank you,” he says, before wiping his black hair with earnest.

At hearing his reply, Makoto looks up, the happy smile reaching the corner of his eyes. “Yeah,” he says, tilting his head and giggling again.

Haruka lays his eyes on him and decides to take a leap of faith, heart taking laps on his chest. “Makoto,” he murmurs the other’s name like one whispers a prayer.

The other focus on him, and he continues. “Rin’s boyfriend is coming to visit this weekend. We will hold a barbecue,” he explains, turning his face to the side. “You can come if you want.”

Haruka hears Makoto’s confused gasp, but he is filled with a huge amount of relief when he makes out the positive answer.

“Yeah! I mean, I would love to, Haru. Thanks for inviting me.” Only then Haruka faces his crush again, suddenly thanking the deities for such a handsome boy.

Makoto tilts his head one more time. “Would you mind if I bring Rei with me? Kisumi is visiting his parents this weekend, and I want to give Rei the option in case he doesn’t want to be alone. Would that be a problem for you?”

Haruka considers his request for a second and isn’t sure why Nagisa’s face flashes through his mind. On top of that, Rei isn’t a threat. “You can bring him if you want,” he shrugs, taking his notebook out of his sports bag and starting to scratch a few drafts on the brown paper.

Out of the corner of his eye, Haruka notices Makoto smiling down at his book, occasionally sipping at his hot chocolate, and the comfortable silence that engulfs them brings him some peace of mind. For the first time in that day, he forgets about everyone else and about his insecurities, focusing only on the person by his side.

He adores Makoto. More than he cares to admit. As long as Makoto is there with him, he can overcome everything else.

The thought makes the corner of his mouth turn upright, and he gets lost in the black and white drawing he is creating, warmth filling his insides as he feels happy on his own skin for once.

He jumps when he feels Makoto’s warm breath next to his neck, startling him. “Haru – Is that me?”

Makoto is staring at his drawing, mouth open agape. Before Haruka noticed, the lines and sharp edges of the marks on the paper became a realistic portrait of Makoto, displaying the gentle gaze locked on the book and the way the sunlight highlights his fluff hair and soft skin, the grey-colored eyes shining with the same intensity as they do in real life.

_Nope_ , Haruka thinks,  _I messed up_. He didn't catch the darkened pupil that almost covers the green iris, nor did he express the softness of the strands of hair falling naturally on the upturned brows. And there is his nose, flat on the paper, but regal and slim on where it stands on Makoto's face. His fingers itch and Haruka wants to start the drawing process all over again.

Haruka can feel the heat in his cheeks, and he avoids Makoto’s gaze. “I guess.”

“It’s beautiful.” Makoto puts his chin on the top of his hands, admiring Haruka’s creation, the appreciation blooming in the upturned corners of his mouth. “I think you overdid it a bit, though, it is way prettier than I am,” he shakes his head slightly, but the smile is still there.

Without the heart to deny such a thing, Haruka simply offers if Makoto wants to keep the drawing with the best blank face he can muster.

Makoto couldn’t have turned faster even if he wanted to, and in seconds huge begging eyes are pinning him in their surprised gaze. “Can I really have it? Are you sure, Haru?”

“Yes. It’s yours,” he replies with fondness in his voice, resuming his work. “Just let me finish the shadowing first.”

 

* * * * *

 

“So, what songs should we play on Sunday?” Rin asks while eyeing the computer screen that rests on his legs.

“Lady Gaga!” Nagisa yells, at the same time that Haruka replies dreamily with “water sounds.”

“Metallica it is,” Rin types on the keyboard.

“Why do you even ask?” Haruka retaliates, going back to his drawing. Today, his art skills are calling for him, and he can’t help but keep the pen in his hands. No one is counting on him to plan anything, thankfully.

“Cause I still believe that your taste improved, just to get disappointed every damn time,” Rin answers with a smirk, but the smug face is hit with a pillow by Nagisa.

“You are the one with a bad taste, Rin-rin,” he turns his face toward the tablet once more, taking a sip of his vodka.

Red eyes scam Nagisa for a moment, and then he breathes an exasperated sigh. “Are you reading gay porn again? Get your ass down here.”

“Just so you know, it’s highly instructive,” the blond doesn’t miss a beat, lying more comfortable on the couch.

Rin brings his hands to his hair, pulling on the locks. “You were supposed to be helping me!”

At this, Nagisa starts laughing his classic loud laugh, pushes off from the sofa, joining the two others on the floor, and shoves the tablet on Rin’s face. “See? I am searching for ingredients for the barbecue, you cry baby,” he complements with a sweet tone, from under his long eyelashes. “I saved all of my gay porn for later. You should thank me for that.”

There is wetness in Rin’s eyes, but he quickly resumes his composure. “What do we need to buy?” And before Haruka can speak his mind, he rolls his eyes and adds, “beyond mackerel.”

 

* * * * *

 

Meanwhile, a few blocks away, Makoto rests on his couch, eyes on the book he holds with one hand while he bruises the other with his teeth. He isn’t sure if he likes Captive Prince, after all. Laurent is so cruel… but Damen is so nice… it’s a guilty pleasure because he can’t stop reading even though he is sure this will fill him with nightmares later on.

With the back of his mind, he can hear the noises of Kisumi and Rei’s bickering in the kitchen. Rei is helping with Kisumi’s homework, not without some trouble. When their voices grow louder and impossible to ignore, Makoto stands up and heads toward them, his big brother figure kicking in.

“What is wrong?” He asks meaningfully.

Rei stares strictly at the notebook, but Kisumi regards him with wide eyes. “Makoto, I don’t understand what Rei is explaining, at all! He keeps concluding things like ‘this is beautiful’ and I look at the photograph and it’s so ugly I feel sick.”

Makoto can’t help but chuckle, and he sits beside their friends. “It’s all right, Kisumi. I think he means that the idea is beautiful, even if the image is sad, or gross, right, Rei?”

Rei gazes gratefully at him. “That is right, Makoto.”

Makoto continues, intrigued. “But – weren’t you guys supposed to be studying the subjects for the communication theory test?

Kisumi glances sideways with visible guilty and Rei actually flushes bright red, pushing his glasses up his nose. “We tried for a while and decided to take a break, but we will work hard from now on, Makoto-kun.”

_Makoto-kun_. Whenever Rei is unsure of something, his language becomes even more crafted and polite, so Makoto’s voice softens when he speaks again. “You don’t need to clarify anything, Rei. I trust you to be responsible. I can tell the same about you, Kisumi. Give it your best, okay?”

Kisumi leans his face on the palm of his hand. “Okay, but this topic is so boring,” he whines. “Will you give me a treat if I do well on my studies, Makoto?”

He considers this for a second. “Deal, but only if you achieve a good grade,” the wiser boy concedes and gets crushed by a tight, breathtaking hug. Kisumi squeezes him, arms laced on his neck.

“Makoto, I wish I wasn’t straight, and then we could get married. You would be the perfect husband, I know it!”

Trying to gather some air, Makoto struggles to answer to this nonsense. “But I don’t want this???” his voice faints. Surprisingly, Kisumi is stronger than he looks.

“Rei, you would be my lover. How does that sound?” Kisumi still holds Makoto constricted in his grip.

“That is not beautiful at all,” Rei stands up and starts selecting the ingredients for their dinner. “I am glad this is just your peculiar imagination, so I can have some peace of mind. You need a girlfriend.”

The infantile boy finally, _finally,_ goes back to his sit and Makoto takes the opportunity to change the topic, focusing his attention back at Rei, fast. “Rei, if you are interested, there is a barbecue this weekend. Let’s go together,” he asks while massaging his neck.

“Barbecue...” Rei wonders, curiosity blooming in his serious face as he chops the onion.

“Yeah, Haru’s friend is coming to visit, so they are holding a small party for him. He invited us to go and I think it will be really fun.”

Before the other student can reply, Kisumi’s malicious voice intervenes. “So, this is about Nanase Haruka, huh?”

“Yeah…” Makoto admits, not comprehending his friend’s question.

His roommate smiles at him. “Have you noticed his defined body yet, Makoto? Have you checked him out?”

Rei gasps loudly and Makoto turns a deep shade of red that highlights his eye color. He is about to spill his negatives when the image of Haruka in the pool, all wet skin, long eyelashes and bare chest flashes through his mind, so he ends up covering his face with both hands.

“I tried so hard not to,” he confesses, a shocking admission even to himself, and in the same way, the unwelcome sight of drenched raven hair plastered on the porcelain skin of Haruka's neck crawls under Makoto's senses and sends a trembling shiver all the way down his spine. His voice is muffled and high pitched when he continues. “But he is _so hot_.”

“Oh, I knew it! So you did check him out,” Kisumi seems amused while Makoto hides his face in his arms, resting his body on the table, moaning as if in pain. He hadn’t meant to use those words, but Kisumi and Rei are his best friends, so his attention slipped.

Almost instantly, Makoto feels soft fingers brushing through the locks of his hair, and the touch lessens his embarrassment a bit. He carefully opens his eyes, but all he sees is the wood material of the table up close.

It’s not as if Makoto were naive. His own experiences flow under his skin, but he somehow feels guilty for noticing Haruka’s body when Haru have been feeling so sad on that same day – almost as if he had betrayed his new friend. On top of that, the whole physical attraction doesn’t guarantee that a relationship between them would work out. Makoto has his own sealed wounds to remind him of this simple fact.

“Makoto.”

Kisumi’s voice reaches him in the middle of the turmoil and he turns his face to regard his friend sideways. The fingers still work wonders through his brown hair, calming him down.

“I think that, if it’s Nanase, you don’t have to be so afraid.”

The brunet stills, heartbeat slowing down and emerald eyes are blown wide, but he doesn’t protest because Kisumi’s voice sounds unexpectedly gentle.

“You don’t have to believe me, and I know that you are scared,” his hand is soft and his nails dig delicately into his scalp, “but I feel that Nanase wouldn’t hurt you like the others. He is different.”

His vision clouds up, and Makoto’s mind conjures the memory of the noodle restaurant, his fingers clenching in Haruka’s shirt and the cool expression in his friend’s face. Until this day, Makoto isn’t sure why he had held onto him in such a childish manner. He doesn’t understand it himself, and a small part of him is ashamed of it.

Then his awareness travels to the paper resting inside his bag, containing the draw Haruka gave him. He remembers the moment that he extended the blue towel toward Haruka earlier in the coffee shop, how for a brief second he felt terrified that he had overstepped his boundaries, but Haruka simply accepted his giving nature without commenting further on that.

More often than not, Haruka’s cold gaze unnerves Makoto, digging something deep inside his guts and making the strands of hair on the back of his spine stand out. He can’t decide if the reaction is bound on fear or something entirely different. It just freaks him out. But, in other times, the serene blue eyes makes Makoto feel… accepted, at easy. It’s hard to put the clashing feelings into words.

“Also,” Kisumi continues, “did you realize how jealous he was of you and Seijuurou the other day?”

Makoto flinches and shakes his head, suddenly flustered. “Why would he be jealous of me?”

“Are you kidding me? I could feel the jealousy emanating from his body,” Kisumi moves his arms to simulate the irradiating aura. “If you want to be with Nanase – just try. You said it yourself, he is hot,” the student rolls his eyes, “but if you feel like you still can’t, don’t waste his time. Sounds good?” The foxlike boy finishes his noble speech, and suddenly it’s easier to breath.

Makoto half sits on the chair one more time, rubbing the back of his neck and glances up at his friends. His body feels sleepy and his mind is a tiny little mess, but his throat isn’t clogged anymore. The truth is that Makoto is unsure about his own feelings. Not just the one’s Haruka-related, but… he has no idea of how to let someone in again. But he figures that Kisumi is right in everything that he said. “Thank you, Kisumi. I will think about it.”

Kisumi merely shrugs, winking, then turns to glare at Rei’s back. “I am so hungry, is it going to take long?” He fakes a demanding tone of voice.

“It’s almost done,” the easy unexpected reply surprises Makoto, but once he catches the sight of Rei’s gentle smiling at him, he understands. _I have the best roommates, indeed_. _I am so lucky._

The delicious aroma of food reaches his nostrils, and Makoto almost sobs. “Wow, this smells so good,” he complements and then realizes that Rei is doing all the hard work while he chills on the chair and focus on his selfish feelings. “I am sorry, Rei, I will help you out now.”

Brushing the hair out of his forehead, Makoto stands up, looking for the plates to set on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! The lovely Truculent was my beta here :)  
> Just so you know, I haven't decide on this barbecue out of nowhere, they were supposed to go to the beach, but since I don't know how is the weather in Tokyo I decided to change it. Thank you for all the kudos and the comments, you guys are amazing ♥ Until next time!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kisumi and Nagisa bond, the barbecue finally happens and Makoto deals with his past.

There are good days, bad days, and horrible days.

And there are the days that happen in between – where everything seems suspended, in transition, and one action can lead to either disaster or great achievements.

Sometimes, it leads to nothing at all.

 

* * * * *

 

**Two days before**

Nagisa will never be sure of what made him wait for so long to act.

Perhaps he trusted Haru-chan to figure it out his own issues. Perhaps he wanted to give his best friend some space. But Rin-chan is already getting on his nerves about this, and damn it if he doesn’t keep his promises, so here the blond finds himself, sitting at the park bench farthest from the view of students and professors in the university campus, lollipop on his mouth and feverish glitter in his eyes.

By his side, carefree and can of coke in his hands, lounges the Journalism student Shigino Kisumi, specialized in the news about sports, which isn’t awkward per se, of course.

The pink haired man takes a sip of his beverage and regards him with mild curiosity before speaking in a polite way. “It isn’t that I am not happy to be here, please don’t misunderstand. This coke is really good, thank –”

“Oh, you are welcome, Kisumi-chan.” Nagisa waves his hands.

“Er, so, as I was saying, I can’t begin to imagine the reason why you wanted to talk to me in the first place, let alone in this secluded school area.”

So what if this is not the direction of the conversation Nagisa had in mind? He can still fix it. He will fix it in no time. But man, Kisumi-chan wasn’t supposed to be _smart_.

“Kisumi-chan, don’t be an old man about this. What is so weird about meeting with me?”

“Nothing. If you ever greeted me in the corridors, that is.”

Oh no, so he should have been more polite. It’s not his fault Rei-chan is so much more interesting to stare at than Kisumi-chan. _God, that ass_. And the glasses are pretty cute too, in a nerdy kind of way.

This is something to worry in the future, though, in the future. Now, Haru-chan’s love life needs, _no, it depends_ entirely on his magic manipulation skills.

“I am sure I talk to you in the corridors sometimes.”

Kisumi pointed look begs to differ until a flash of an understanding emotion crosses his eyes. “My bad, Nagisa-kun, I should have known this conversation was about the birth of our friendship, and not related to Makoto, like, at all.” 

It’s embarrassing, but Nagisa actually flinches, giving away any pretense of normality right there. With a shameful pout, he turns to Kisumi-chan. “How long have you known?”

The cotton-haired man looks triumphant, and Nagisa’s eyes burn at the sight. “Since you send me the text message, maybe? Perhaps I had a revelation while sleeping last night, who knows,” he shrugs and smiles.

Nagisa merely gives a long sigh, and plays with the lollipop, stealing for some time. This is not going like he first imagined. He promised Rin he would talk to Makoto’s friends, discover a few the man’s feelings to make sure he wouldn’t hurt Haru-chan, but now for the very first time, he wonders if Rin-chan wasn’t better suited for the job. Probably not, the blond decides, Rin would just open the gates of hell, threatening people for no apparent reason, as always.

He glances at his companion, who sips at his paper cup with the dignity of a king and looks far too pleased with himself. Kisumi-chan is a very fashionable person as well. For what Nagisa knows – _has seen_ from the top of buildings and hidden staircases with Haru-chan – Kisumi-chan is the sensitive of them all, the caring one, the glue that sticks Makoto and his friends together. Maybe he is the right choice for this. Even if not, Nagisa isn’t keen in wasting his time, anyway.

There are things that need to be done. With patience, care and a lot of improvisations, there’s no way this could go wrong. Could it?

“Alright, here is the thing: I have this friend who may have a universally known crush on yours. I just wanted to –”

The sound of spilled coke breaks his train of thoughts and it’s with a hanging open mouth that he stares at the sight before him. Kisumi laughs out loud, so much that the boy starts to cough and hit his chest with clenched fists to stop from choking. The can was thrown at the floor at some moment, away from them.

“Oh my, you have no sense. How old are you, four?”

Alright, so this hurt. “What? I am not the one spilling my drink and causing a scene!”

“Well, I am not the one making arrangements for my _friend_ ,” the boy makes quote marks with his fingers, before adding with narrowed eyes. “What is it? You are talking about you, aren’t you?”

“I – WHAT?”

“I can’t say I am impressed. If only you knew how many people come to me in advice regarding Makoto’s heart, I should charge you for this,” Kisumi-chan speaks as if he held the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Nagisa can only stare for a moment before the realization hit. “You are insane! You got it all wrong. I wanted _you_ to talk to _him_ –”

“About your great qualities? Do you even have any?” Kisumi asks with feigning innocence.

The blond loses it. He really does, pulling at his hair and yelling at the sky. “NO, YOU IDIOT! I need you to talk to him about Haru-chan, because Haru-chan loves Mako-chan, and I don’t want him to get hurt! What is wrong with you?”

It’s only when he can breathe again that he realizes how much he has said. With wide eyes, he turns to regard Kisumi-chan, and what he sees makes his lose his breath once more. The other student stares at him with a knowing glint in his eyes and a sweet smile, legs crossed and straight posture.

“Do you always insult all of your matchmakers and allies, Nagisa-kun?

Despite his ragged breath and strong beating heart, the meaning of the phrase doesn’t go amiss at him. “Is this what you are now? My ally?”

A long pause. When Kisumi-chan doesn’t reply, Nagisa pushes his luck. “I know I have no right to ask for your help. But please, Kisumi-chan, don’t you have a heart? Can’t you see how much Haru-chan cares? He would cut me into pieces if he knew what I am telling you, but I have no desire to dry his tears later on.”

Kisumi opens his mouth to speak, then closes it a few times before replying properly. “I wish I could tell you no one will get hurt, and – no, don’t interrupt me when I am speaking, do you want my help or not?” he snaps, holding his hand.

“Sorry, go on,” Nagisa concedes, making a mental note to keep quiet this time.

“Right. So, I can’t tell you everything will go fine. Isn’t this the blessing and also the curse of being in love? That you gamble not knowing what the outcome will be?”

God, Kisumi-chan sounds like a self-help writer. As someone who hates self-help books, Nagisa fights to keep his mind in the conversation and stop himself from drooling.

“Also, I am not Makoto’s lord. I wish I was, though.” He laughs a little.

Nagisa doesn’t join him. “Haru-chan has been very disappointed before.”

“What makes you think that Makoto hasn’t?”

The answer catches Nagisa off guard. It actually feels like a slap on the face, hard, fast and overwhelming. He has been so focused on his side of the equation that he forgot about the essential: Mako-chan, against all odds, is only human. No wonder Kisumi-chan has been so difficult from the start.

It’s just that Makoto always look so perfect and confident that it’s hard to even think about him having any insecurities or difficulties in love, which is stupid, silly thought when everyone has love problems.

The blond is so stricken that he doesn’t look up when Kisumi-chan stands, choosing to sulk and wallow in misery for a second before meeting his eyes.

“Can I buy you coke again some other time?” he asks, not wanting to give up and revealing in the soft look the other gives him.

“You know, you are a good friend, Nagisa-kun. I really enjoyed our little date.” He moves to pat the blond locks of hair, and Nagisa lets him. “But you don’t have to worry so much about Haruka. He is badass as hell and even better, I already talked to Makoto about him. Am I the best ally you can find, or what? Divination powers,” he points at his own head, flashes a bright grin at a shocked Nagisa, and turns to leave.

Alone, in the park bench hidden from everything but the trees, Nagisa laughs. The situation is a mess, but maybe he has made a new friend.

 

* * * * *

 

**Then**

Sousuke is warm and soft for someone so muscular and Rin clings on him for dear life. He turns his face to the side of his boyfriend’s neck, drinking in the scent of soap, perfume and the sweaty skin, not giving a shit about how he smells. All that matters is that he is here, on his arms.

Sousuke laughs on his hair, and his voice is muffled when it reaches his ears. “You are making quite a scene, you know that?”

“Shut up,” Rin flushes like in a shoujo manga and hates it.

“Let’s save the _I miss you’s_ and _I love you’s_ for when we get at your house, alright? If you keep holding me like this I won’t be able to hold myself back,” Sousuke teases, hugging his boyfriend.

The train station is quite full today. Rin knows that, so he allows Sousuke to lace their fingers together and quickly walk down the path to his family house. The familiar weight of the hand along his is the only thing in his mind on the whole way back.

 

* * * * *

 

Nagisa checks the hour on his cell phone and sulks. “They have been in there for a long time. Don’t you think so, Haru-chan?”

Without looking up from his task of cleaning the fresh mackerel, Haruka shrugs. “I don’t care.”

“Oh, don’t be mean, Haru-chan. But really, Sousuke should be hanging out with all of us, not locked up in a room with Rin for the whole morning,” the blond complains.

 _Are you serious?_ Haruka thinks. If he shared a distance relationship with someone, he would make sure to keep that person close at all times when possible. Picking up a fight with Nagisa over something imaginary isn’t his goal, however, so he keeps his mouth shut and his hands working.

Just then, the loud voices of his friends fill the room, and soon Rin and Sousuke are leaving the house and entering the huge patio, smiles on their faces and hair more disheveled than Haruka has ever seen before. Not that he cares to keep count. It’s just that the reminder that everyone seems to have a better sex life than him burns his insides for a moment before he breathes and lets the irrational sensation go.

The Matsuoka’s residence is large, beautiful and pristine. Not only is the house big, all white walls and floor to ceiling glass windows, but the external area has its own charms as well, holding exotic plants, a soccer field, a barbecue area and a huge pool. Right now, Rin’s sister chats with a couple of friends by the water, her red hair shining brightly under the midmorning sun.

“Hey Gou, hey there,” Rin winks to the girls, and then approaches Haruka and Nagisa, who was selecting the music on his laptop. “Sorry to keep you waiting for us, we had to take care of some issues first.”

“It hurts me that I am not your priority Rin, but I will survive,” Nagisa replies in a carefree way, and Rin just smirks to him.

Meanwhile, Sousuke comes to stand right next to Haruka and stares at the mackerel. “Yo, Nanase.” Haruka nods, waiting until Sousuke lifts his gaze at him and continues with a rude “why is there only fish in here? I had thought Rin had bought some meat for us.”

“He did.” When Sousuke doesn’t say anything in return, he adds “if you want meat, go prepare it yourself.”

He doesn’t know what compels him to act like this to Sousuke, but before he realizes the words are already out of his mouth, and he flinches. Sometimes his own crude mouth shames him to no end. How does he even get to have friends? To his amazement, Sousuke only shakes his head, goes to the freezer to grab the meat and gets right back, starting to prepare the food by his side.

After a while, the aquamarine-eyed man says “You know, you are an asshole, but I kind of missed you, Nanase.”

Turning his head to the side, Haruka sighs, more in relief than he would like to admit. “Me too,” he speaks quietly, but Sousuke hears him anyways and smiles. For some time, they do what they to best together: they cook, to the sound of Nagisa’s summer playlist and Rin’s lapping noises at the pool.

It’s all so synchronized, so _right_ , that when they hear the sound of the doorbell Haruka’s heart makes a little leap in its cage and, for the first time that day, his nerves get the best of him. _Where would Makoto fit in their little group? Would he fit at all?_

Before he finds his answer, Gou stands up and goes for the door.

 

* * * * *

 

Makoto hopes that spending time with Haruka’s friends is going to be different than what he expects.

Not that it’s a secret that he barely slept last night, overthinking about what the day would bring. One only has to take a look at the dark spots under his eyes and link two plus two. Besides, overthinking is one of Makoto’s many flows, and it’s not always that he can pretend that his brain is a peaceful place.

He isn’t nervous, per se, but he can’t shake himself from the thought that hanging out with their lot now will change things in a fundamental way. So far, had only been him and Haruka most of the time, and the last time he sat with Rin and Nagisa in the same place for more than a couple minutes things didn’t go so well _for him_.

They teased him, and he felt like a fool. One thing is someone that you know, who cares about you, making jokes at your expense. Another thing altogether is people you barely interact on a daily basis taking the piss at you. It burned in a way that it shouldn’t have.

It brought unpleasant memories.

It’s called bullying, right? Makoto is almost sure about it.

The main cause for him to have kept quiet about the incident was because Haruka had been by his side, and he was the stranger one in the group. For some blurry reason, he didn’t want to get into an argument with Haruka, not because of his friends at least. But that doesn’t make him any less suspicious of them.

And, on top of everything, there are still the words Kisumi had laid on his shoulders. To date, enter a relationship, to try, to take a chance, to –

“Makoto, Gou is here.”

Makoto woke up from his thoughts to Rei touching his arm and looked up. In front of him stood a smiling Gou, who had shared a couple of classes with him in the past. Seeing a friendly face made him lose a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“Oh, hello Gou, how are you doing?” While he speaks, the girl opens the gates and gives them both a tight hug.

“Hi, Makoto-senpai, Rei-senpai. Things are going great, thanks for asking. Now come this way. The boys are waiting for you two.”

While Rei and Gou got engaged in a quiet conversation, Makoto takes his time to look at his surroundings. Gou leads them to a large path outside the main residence – which is gorgeous – and they take a turn, approaching the open area of the magnificent pool. On the other side, he can see the grill and the people gathered there.

Everything is bright and the air isn’t chilly today, despite all the trees and the nature around them. For a moment, Makoto has to shield his eyes from the light coming from the pool, and when he opens them again they lock with deep blue ones. Haruka is frowning, and the sight melts the remains of his tension and makes him smile his first smile of the day.

Suddenly, he isn’t so stressed anymore. After all, the motive for him to be at this place today is right in front of him. If only he has the courage to cross the invisible bridge and get what he wants. _Easier said than done,_ Makoto thinks.

 

* * * * *

 

As a whole, the boys have a lot of fun.

For one thing, Sousuke is back, and that means acid replies, rude remarks, and awkward conversations, but also funny moments and embarrassing sights, like when he agreed to sing Karaoke with Nagisa and made a fool of himself, or when he burned the meal and spilled a thousand curses in the same sentence.

Besides that, there were Haruka and Rin competing on the pool until they were out of breath and fell dead on the floor hours later while the rest cheered and booed the whole time. Needless to say that Haruka won.

Or how Haruka convinced Makoto to get into the pool (which took almost the same amount of time as the competition), and once the brunet took out his shirt everyone fell silent and a strange silent took place. Makoto, blushing furiously, did try to put his shirt back on, but everyone jumped on him and Nagisa finally stole the piece of clothing from him.

It didn’t matter on the long run because everyone ended up in the pool sooner or later, even Rei, and that eased the tension from Makoto as well. Once he seemed more at easy, Haruka tried to teach him some swimming tricks and he learned quite fast.

Despite Makoto’s worry, Rei made conversations with everyone and took lots of pictures of the group – though he might had been biased and wasted more shots on a single blond head than he did everyone else together.

When the afternoon arrives, they all sing in the karaoke, and the laughs, mingled with the song notes and the wild rushing of the wind were a beautiful, entrancing combination.

 

* * * * *

 

Bathing in a bathroom that isn't yours is slightly uncomfortable but manageable. Makoto is far more worried about how much of his skin he showed today. Perhaps, for the others athletes this doesn't matter much, but for an ordinary student like him, swimming suits are a real, thick nightmare. Even in Iwatobi, Makoto had always gone to the beach with shorts and tank tops.

He knows for a fact that his body is symmetric, and maybe even beautiful, as people kept pointing it out for him over the years, but this doesn’t mean he is willing to let anyone see it. Frankly, his shoulder is sunburned and starting to get redder by the second and hurting like hell, so he showers and dries himself with care.

More than embarrassment, he feels confused. Why did Nagisa steal his shirt?

As he towels his chest, Makoto remembers Haruka’s eyes on him and unconsciously traces his fingers over the wet skin. When he got shirtless, and everyone stared at him, he could see Haruka smiling at him with his eyes; there was a glimpse of malice in the blue orbs in that moment.

Makoto can see it coming, has been allowing it, and even so Haruka's gaze still stricken him like a cannonball; the attention still felt better than whatever he had expected before.

The more Makoto discovers about the man, the more hidden truths and expressions he peels off, the more he appreciates him.

 _Haru_ _is_ _like_ _an_ _onion_ , Makoto thinks absent minded, toweling his hair. _It makes you feel things and forces you to react in unpleasant ways sometimes, but you still want to venture inside all those layers that form him._

The metaphor is in such a bad taste that Makoto starts chuckling in the cold bathroom, the sound loud when it echoes over the lonely titles. His writing teachers would dishonor him if they had heard. Makoto doesn't even use his kitchen, a foreign place in his apartment. _Where did all of these thoughts come from?_

Still smiling, green eyes fall on the bulge of clothes close to the sink, and he changes to some warmer pieces of clothing. It’s still autumn, after all.

Once he leaves the house and goes searching for his friends – because through some mysterious course of fate Makoto thinks of Rin, Nagisa, and Sousuke as friends now – and spends a few minutes chatting with Gou by the edge of the pool.

And that's when Makoto realizes something is lacking, an aching feeling in the marrow of his bones, a lightness in the back of his neck. More than feeling like something is wrong, Makoto feels the emptiness striking his soul, and when he looks around the answer crashes down at him, all at once.

He looks around, and a pair of incredible blue eyes is nowhere to be seen.

Haruka isn’t there, with them, which means that Haruka’s eyes aren’t fixed _on him_.

And it’s a strange thing to think about, Haruka looking anywhere but him, going anywhere without him.

All of a sudden, Makoto feels very lonely and very confused to why he feels this way, as they aren't always together. In fact, they barely see each other at the university, at all. They don’t talk at the cafeteria, they don’t see the other on the corridors, they don’t have classes together and they don’t share any extracurricular activities with each other.

But there’s the coffee shop. Where they see each other…

Every day.

Oh. Right.

This is the first time Makoto thinks about the secretive meetings. He misses Haruka instantly. So he turns to Gou.

“Hey, have you seen Haru?”

She seems oblivious as to why he would be interested, but thank god she didn’t make any questions, letting he know that Haruka probably was at the park on the other side of the house. “He goes there sometimes when the noises and the people are too much for him. He’ll be back, but I think it’s a good idea to go after him. Sometimes he can take his time, you know?”

Gou is chuckling, and Makoto thanks her with a grateful smile, turning on the spot and getting out of the Matsuoka residence.

 

* * * * *

 

Once he finds Haruka, his hair is all over his face, reflecting the silvery color of the moon and covering part of his eyes, and it's a gorgeous sight.

Haruka is a lonely, beautiful creature sitting on a child’s swing, slowly rocking back and forth. The park, the trees, the falling twilight and the huge, bright moon behind him pale in comparison to Haruka’s tight clothed body, and that is a scary thing.

It sure scares the hell out of Makoto.

He should walk away as his brains scream for him to do, but Makoto chooses to step onto the pavement and walk forward until he crosses the street.

Instead of reaching out and carding his fingers in the mess of wild locks, Makoto settles down on the swing next to him. Being with Haruka is becoming a mix of raw desire and constant denial, which startles Makoto a bit; he didn't know he could be so greedy over things that weren't his to begin with.

 _But_ _they_ _could_ _be_ , a tight voice whispers in his head, being promptly ignored by Makoto.

“It took you too long,” Haruka says without looking at him.

_Too long for what? To finish the bath? To follow you here?_

“I didn't know you were expecting me,” Makoto finally replies.

He chances a side glance at his companion, and Haruka is staring at the sky with furrowed brows. He is smartly dressed in a mustard coat, striped shirt, and deep blue jeans. The combination stands out the color in his eyes, and Makoto rather likes it.

“What is worrying you?” the words are out of his mouth before he decides to speak them.

“Did you have fun today?” Haruka counter-attacks.

“I – ” Makoto thinks about it and discovers that he quite enjoyed the barbecue. “Yes, Haru.”

After a beat, “did you, Haru?”

Haruka flashes unreadable eyes at him, “of course.”

Together, they fall into a comfortable silence. Because it’s comfortable.

Of course, it’s comfortable.

Right?

When Makoto can’t stand it anymore, the sweat in his hands mingling with the coldness of the iron bars he is holding, he breaks the silence. “Gou told me you usually come here ‘when people are too much for you’. She used those exactly words. What does it mean?”

Haruka studies his hands for a while. Then, “You know what it means.”

“Uh, I really don’t,” Makoto speaks slowly as if speaking to a child.

Another beat. “I get tired of people sometimes. Too much talk,” Haruka continues in his blunt way of speaking. In the beginning, it gave Makoto headaches, but now he is starting to grasp the meaning behind the words and the conversations are flowing better.

This makes Makoto pause. “Will you let me know when I am being too much? I mean, I can talk a lot,” he finished with a sheepish smile.

What surprises him is the real, small curve of lips he receives in return. “Sure.”

And just like that, they are okay again. It feels okay.

It feels _right_ , to be sharing this moment with Haruka until the swimmer speaks again.

“I’ve never dated before.”

At first, Makoto struggles to understand what he said, but once the words made sense in his head, he gasps. “I am sorry, what?”

Haruka turns his head to the other side, a gesture that Makoto is getting used to. “A boyfriend – I’ve never had one.”

Makoto keeps his face blank while his heart goes crazy under his shirt and coat. That changes a whole lot of things in Makoto’s mind. He wants to ask about the boy in the library – Aoto, wasn’t that his name? If Haruka never had had a relationship before, what was that about?

And what would Haruka want _from him_? Would Makoto consist of other ‘Aoto’ in Haruka’s eyes?

Would Makoto’s role consist of being just a friend to Haruka?

This was so confusing. No wonder Makoto was still single. Relationships gave him headaches.

And how in the world did the conversation change to this topic, anyway?

The soft voice beside him startled him from his spiraling thoughts. “Did you?”

There is too much in his head for him to understand what Haruka is going on about. “Did I what?”

“Have a relationship before.”

Oh. That.

“Yeah, I did,” he answers, staring at his shoes. Makoto doesn’t like where this is going, and it’s putting him on the edge again.

Haruka stares right ahead for a moment. “How many –?”

‘ _How many times did you date someone?_ ’ was the question. Haruka’s voice is barely a whisper, and Makoto tries to read his face but there is nothing there, just the mask of indifference he constantly wears.

He counted in his mind, avoiding using his fingers to help with the calculation. “I don’t know, maybe five, six times? I don’t remember too much from when I was younger.”

 _Does on and off relationship count?_ , Makoto wonders. Not that he wants to remember any of his past boyfriends, though. All he wants is to erase everything about them from his memories. But that isn’t something he can do. It’s impossible for someone like Makoto to leave the past behind and start over.

If his life was fair, the conversation would be over by now and they would be making out (like in the movies), or they would be sharing their feelings for each other (like in the books). What he gets is another question from Haruka though. Haruka, who often barely utters a word, here, asking questions like a curious four-year-old child.

“Why did your relationships end?” Haruka murmurs, because of course he would want to know that.

In his daze, Makoto almost gives him a halfhearted answer, the worlds in the tip of his tongue, so used that he is to this kind of trouble. But all of a sudden he remembers Kisumi’s pink eyes and soft hands on his hair, the pep talk his best friend had given him not so long ago in the kitchen they share.

Makoto wants to be brave. He doesn’t want to be afraid any longer.

He doesn’t want to see Kisumi’s eyes fill with disappointment anymore, which happens every time Makoto retreats into his shell.

Besides, he wants to trust Haruka, with all of his cells and bones. So he decides to be a bit more honest this time. But how to reply to this particular question, when there are just so many answers? He could talk about this all night and never get to the center of his problems.

He knows this because he constantly thinks about his love life, the endings, and the broken feelings and lost expectations. The same look in the eyes of all of his ex-partners, the same words repeated all over again, in different points of time.

“I don’t know,” he starts, brushing the hair out of his face and stroking his neck. “I guess they all gave up on me, sooner or later,” his voice is quiet, shaking just a little.

And it’s not only that, at all, but he can’t bring himself to _say it_. He doesn’t want to hear the words out loud. He doesn’t want to remember how forgettable and replaceable he truly is.

“I am sorry,” Haruka speaks softly. “It’s hard for you to talk about the past, isn’t it?”

There is no judgment in his tone. Makoto closes his eyes and leans on the cold metal. “Yes, it is, Haru,” he admits, because it’s so hard that his chest feels constricted and his breath is coming in puffs into the air. He could be gasping, for all he knows.

He looks everywhere but at Haruka.

“Makoto,” Haruka calls after a few minutes.

“Yeah?” he replies, closing his eyes.

“Can I ask only one more question?”

“Sure.”

Nothing in the world could have prepared him for what comes next.

In an eloquent sentence, as if he was talking about the weather, Haruka continues.

“How do you feel about Mikoshiba Seijuurou?”

And the question feels like a punch right in the guts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for taking so long.  
> I had a plan for this chapter. It was mostly written, and everything was going to be alright. Then I got caught up in real life issues, and completely lost my drive. I couldn't finish the chapter, for the life of me I didn't know how to. I rewrote this so many times. 
> 
> But then I got some really nice comments, that pushed me forward and helped me to get back on my track. Thank you so much for the kind words, it made me so happy and helped me a lot.
> 
> Also, I hope I got their point of views right, especially Makoto's. And I didn't know if you want more of sourin or not. Please let me know what you think :) I am @herewegohappiness on Tumblr.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me guys, now that my hiatus is over let's finish this story ♥ ♥ ♥


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone could enjoy a little break.

“Do you like him?”

Makoto’s expression is puzzled when he asks what Haruka is talking about.

“Mikoshiba,” he voices again as if the name was obvious. And it is since Haruka has been asking the same question for a while now, without success.

At hearing the name – again – Makoto’s face doesn’t change, green eyes impossibly wide and shoulders stiff. In a well-practiced manner, he attempts to chuckle lightly, flashing a sideways glance at Haru, speaking slowly as if his answer was obvious. “Haru, Sei is straight.”

The raven-haired man can’t help the surprised sound that escapes his lips, so Makoto continues.

“Huh… what I am about to say is a secret,” he explains and waits for a few heartbeats until Haruka is facing him again. “Seijuurou is actually dating… Rin’s sister.”

The world tilts and the new angle doesn’t make any sense. Haruka is so taken aback that he lets his hold on the chains loose for a split second before regaining his composure. _Mikoshiba is dating Gou?_ “Why is it a secret?”

The green gaze is gentle when it falls on Haruka. “I guess they want to be sure about their feelings before telling Rin about it. You know how protective your friend can be, maybe better than anyone else.”

For a moment, Haruka thinks about what Makoto just told him. That Gou is scared about Rin’s reaction to her new boyfriend makes a lot of sense, considering the hell the redhead put her through during their teenage years. Either way, Haruka had never considered that Mikoshiba – _or anyone, really_ – could not be romantically interested in Makoto.

To Haruka, this is the same than telling him that the Earth isn’t pulled by the sun.

Just like that, a red light flashes in his head, making itself known and slowly sending spark clarity through his brain. His voice is quiet between them, and his hands hurt from the tight grip in the chain. “You didn’t answer my question, Makoto.”

At first, only confusion can be seen in Makoto’s eyes, but soon muted panic sets in, and the boy lowers his gaze as well. He looks younger under the dim light, yellow and blue from the city coloring his pale features. Makoto doesn’t move, only stares ahead for a long while, and that convey more of the answer than any word possibly could.

Of course, Haruka understands the silence. Makoto is always giving smiles, but he doesn’t always wear the right smile on his face, the one Haruka knows for a fact means that Makoto is at easy. The same goes to his tone of voice, it gets high-pitched the more he denies the truth that lies in his heart – not out of selfishness, though, but Haruka has a theory that Makoto rarely shows his weak side to anyone, including himself. Instead of opening up and letting people in, Makoto puts on his fake smile and waves people’s concerns away.

Such a behavior can’t be healthy and must be tiring as hell, but Haruka understands him. The raven-haired man has made an Olympic sport about pushing people away, after all.

Even so, he notices that Makoto’s shoulders are more relaxed now, and the student doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable around him. The wind whispers soothing sounds that calm their hearts while they watch as the stars struggle to show themselves against the sparkling city lights.

Makoto finally speaks again, breaking the spell they were in. “You are sharp,” he smiles, a small, sad curve in his lips. “I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that. I used to. Have a crush on him, I mean,” he shrugs.

 _I thought so._ Haruka bits his lips before speaking the words out loud. _I recognized the longing when you looked at him. It’s probably the same way I look at you._

“What changed?” Haruka asks half-hearted, staring up at the crescent moon. The wind is getting stronger now, playing with his dark hair, spreading his bangs wildly over his forehead. He straightens his legs in front of him and balances a bit in the swing.

“Well… if you know that nothing is ever going to happen, what is the point in letting such a feeling grow? You will just feel sad in the end. That is what I thought, back then.”

Makoto speaks with an unemotional confidence, as if he truly believes in everything he is saying, but sounding like a speech rehearsed many times. Haruka can’t help but notice just how magnificent he looks, with his coffee colored hair displayed in disarray over his forehead, dark coat over his fit body and a light scarf covering the beautiful angle of his neck. Right now, his eyes seem almost brownish, instead of the bright emerald that shines at the sunlight. Lost in the sight of him, Haruka almost can’t comprehend how such a person can think so little about his own needs.

Makoto didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. He really didn’t. Haruka knows that, but the words still felt like an arrow cutting through his flesh, so he hides his face under all that messy, longer hair, eyes falling on the ground. The stinging things is that, isn’t that exactly what Haruka has been doing for all this fucking time? Desiring someone without any chance of being ever loved back?

 _What is the point? You ask. Makoto, you are such a fool._ As if anyone had this kind of power over their own fall.

With frustration emanating from his body, Haruka turns his frame until he is completely facing Makoto, and glares at him.

“Do you really believe that?” When Makoto only stares at him, he continues. “If you really want something, something that you can’t live without, how can you ever let it go?”

Makoto answers in the same detached way. “I could live without him, Haru. I am here, after all.”

“But what part of you did you have to kill in order to stay away from him?”

The words sound loud, even with the city noises around them. Haruka can’t tear his eyes away from Makoto, and what he sees in there scares him. Or better, what he _can’t_ see his gaze; the depths of Makoto’s eyes are covered by a dull emotion.

Haruka didn’t mean to push him. But he knows for a fact that getting over someone isn’t as easy as Makoto made it seem. During the time Haruka tried to forget his infatuation with the sunny boy, avoiding looking for him and reading his stories in the newspaper, his chest felt as if he was about to collapse and die. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t function without getting his daily dose of Makoto’s laugh from afar. Those had been a difficult couple of months, until the moment his determination crumbled and he had to resign himself to the fact that he was obsessed with this person. There was no going back.

Haruka didn’t choose. He didn’t wake up one day and said: “oh, wouldn’t it be great if I fell for Tachibana Makoto, the most popular guy in the school?” Nope, it happened while he wasn’t aware, ripping the edges of his consciousness until all that he could see was green.

With a sinking feeling, Haruka realizes that, despite their growing friendship, this is the first time that Makoto locks Haruka away, putting up his high walls and leaving him shivering outside. But then Makoto blinks and his eyes are wavering.

“I don’t know,” he answers while staring at the ground. “Does it matter?”

“It matters if you’re hurt.”

They stare at each other, not a muscle moving, just the wind alive and breathing around them. Bellow the frenzied brown bangs and the upturned brows, Haruka catches glimpses of shocked green, and that is also the first time that Makoto’s attention is all set on Haruka. Maybe he can see a different side of the swimmer’s personality – not the damsel in distress he helped not long ago, but someone with a strong will, passionate and a feverish blood. Under the thick skin, there is someone who can hang on to something like love, even if is painful, only because there isn’t any other option but to endure the pain.

There is a subtle kind of strength in Haruka, only overflowing when the student jumps at the swimming pool or stands in front of a blank canvas, and yet it screams volumes when Haruka lets it show on a normal place and time because of its rarity.

In the end, they both unrevealed a deeply buried side of themselves to the other, and like every revelation it claws through skin and blood, itching unpleasantly in its way out. But once it’s out there, relief is everything that is left behind.

As if sensing that, Makoto smiles, hesitantly at first until it fully reaches his eyes. “I guess I am not as strong as you are, Haru-chan. I should learn from you,” he teases, tilting his head.

Haruka looks to the side and frowns. “Don’t be silly. Drop the ‘chan’.”

“You are right, though. What good can come from running away all the time? Because I feel like I am always running away from something.”

The swimmer doesn’t know what to reply to this, so he keeps quiet. After a moment, Makoto speaks again. “You’re a good friend Haru. I am glad we met each other.”

_Did I just get friend zoned? Are you kidding me?_

Makoto continues, unfazed. “I mean, I feel at ease with you. With most people I get super conscious about what I say or how I act, but with you, I – I can be myself. You have no idea how good that feels.” 

Makoto seems happy, and Haruka gives himself an imaginary pat on the back for bringing that smile to his face. He still isn’t much sure about what Makoto meant with his words, where they stand with each other, or if he should be worried about Mikoshiba or not. If possible, he feels more confused now than when they began this conversation.

Does Makoto still like the guy? Is it all in the past? Who knows, not him.

So much for a nice Sunday out.

So Haruka continues without thinking much of his next words. “You shouldn’t be so scared. There is nothing so frightening to run away from, I guess. Also, according to every yaoi manga, you did have a chance with Mikoshiba.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, how straight men usually discover they are bi, and such? It always happens this way in mangas.”

It’s not even a joke, at least not intended as one, and his voice is a deep monotone in the cool night, without any inflections or interesting accent, but somehow it makes Makoto laugh in a freely and unexpected way, as Haruka has never witnessed before, and Makoto hides his huge smile with the palm of his hands as the sweet sound quiets down.

“I had no idea you read yaoi manga, Haru, or manga in general, really,” he admits wide-eyed and pretty, wiping the tears away from his face. “But I guess you’re right though that isn’t how real life works, at all.”

The dark haired boy huffs and turns to the other side, tired of this issue already. It’s actually Nagisa the one who brags about it non-stop and Haruka only happens to remember. Now he wants to go home and hide. But then Makoto chuckles and teases him some more, swinging slightly closer to him and enjoying this private, easy moment bathed by the moonlight and Haruka thinks that maybe this wasn’t so bad, after all.

 

* * * * *

 

It's unusually silent outside, and Rin vaguely wonders if everything is okay or if Nagisa is secretly setting his house on fire.

Most of his mind is focused on the strong man splayed on his bed, though. His eager eyes trace the edges of his defined muscles, bits of tanned skin that leak out of the tight shirt, the singular line of his spine. Sousuke lies on his side while Rin spoons him from behind, tracing gentle fingers over the thick black hair.

 “I can hear, you know,” the cool voice reverberates in the quiet room.

“Yeah, and what am I thinking?” The redhead teases, leaning his forehead on his boyfriend's neck and inhaling his scent. He smells like a familiar mixture of citrus and vanilla, which never fails to calm Rin’s nerves.

“Something indecent,” his boyfriend answers. “Probably.”

Rin can’t help but laugh at this. “You bet.” Instead of instigating something sexual, though, Rin tightens his embrace over Sousuke, bringing the warm body impossibly closer to his.

The bed is in disarray, so comfortable that Rin doesn’t want to get up, ever again. The sheets smell like them, the blankets are casually thrown over their bodies and there are cricket’s sounds coming from the window. The moment is perfect, in Rin’s opinion. Having Sousuke in his bedroom lightens up everything, the lonely shadows disappear from the corners of his mind and even Sousuke’s breathing sound like it belongs in here, by his side.

Rin doesn’t say the words out loud, but he isn’t surprised when Sousuke replies to his silence anyway. “Just a little bit more, Rin. Let's graduate first, and then we can be together all the time.”

“Yeah,” the redhead sighs, trailing soft fingers over Sousuke’s spine, feeling the tight shifts of bones and muscle under his fingertips.

“I meant it. No matter where your dreams are, I _will_ follow you. Just choose a nice, decent place, will you?” Then, Sousuke’s looks over his shoulders, the constant frown softening as he gives Rin a rare smile. “We’ll make it work.”

 _What about your dreams?_ Rin thinks, feeling irrationally selfish. It’s always about what _he wants_ , with Sousuke. Their first kiss, their first time, everything goes according to his own schedule, and Sousuke tags along, accepting Rin’s decisions as his own. Rin recognizes that his boyfriend is a stubborn little shit about most things but, when it comes to the roots of their relationship, Sousuke is content to handle Rin the power of having the final words in a silver plate.

Rin just needs to know if the decisions he is making are the right ones, he can’t abuse Sousuke’s trust. Sometimes such power can be heavy. But then, maybe they can agree about where they are going to live. Maybe he can find somewhere where they can both be happy, close to the coast, where Sousuke will be able to swim in the ocean and go fishing.

Red and aqua eyes clash and melt into the other, creating a color of their own, as they have done for years and years. Oddly enough, Rin doesn’t think he has ever loved the bastard more than he does now.

“It’s already working,” Rin speaks the words and it’s surprised to realize the truth in them. He places his hands on Sousuke’s strong jaw, barely seconds before leaning and kissing his boyfriend on the mouth. Like always, Sousuke melts into him without any hesitation, mouth willing and pliant under his touch. Sousuke is _his,_ Rin thinks while pushing his boyfriend on his back and straddling him under the blankets. It’s written in every curve of his body, every clench of muscles, every soft sound that escapes between their kisses, and that won’t ever change.

 

* * * * *

 

Nagisa watches Haru-chan and Mako-chan from afar, hiding behind them in the park and curses every two minutes. _The idiots_.

There is so much stupidity that he can handle and this is asking way too much. Their fingers don’t even touch and this fact is driving the blond insane. Does he seriously need to go over there, take their faces on his hands and force them to kiss? _Jesus_.

“You shouldn’t make this much noise, they will hear you.”

The cool voice beside him startles Nagisa, and he yelps. It would have been a loud noise of Rei-chan hadn’t covered his mouth with his bare hands.

“Do you have problems? I just said to keep quiet,” Rei-chan snaps while letting go of Nagisa and pushing his glasses up his nose.

 _Shit._ Nagisa tries to keep his cool, but somehow his heart started beating in the speed of the light and it won’t calm down. By some horrible mistake, he finds himself shoulder to shoulders with Rei-chan behind a large tree. When he feels like he can talk without choking, he whispers as nonchalant as possible. “What are you doing here, Rei-chan?”

Despite the irritation displayed a few seconds ago, Rei-chan blushes a pretty shade of pink. “I – well –”

“ _Yes?_ ” Nagisa suddenly feels a whole lot better. So it isn’t just him feeling small and insecure, after all.

Rei-chan sighs. “I saw when you left the house and I – I followed you.” He looked miserable at the floor. “I thought you were going to meet with Makoto and Haruka and I didn’t fancy being left behind.”

The last words were spoken in a soft way, almost as if he was talking to himself and Nagisa felt a wave of guilty collapse through his veins. He didn’t even thought of Rei-chan’s feelings before fleeing the house. He was way too nervous to interact properly with the boy.

Rei-chan had been checking his camera, leaning on the wall, looking comfortable, fashionable and so very charming. For a moment, Nagisa hadn’t known what to say to him, how to start a conversation. His mind went blank. This extremely intelligent man was right there, so clever that Nagisa couldn’t handle the thought of facing him. What if Nagisa had opened his mouth and said something stupid? Gou wasn’t around anymore, there were only the both of them and he panicked.

_And now look where this got us._

“I don’t think we should interfere with them,” Rei-chan continued when he realized that Nagisa wouldn’t say anything. “They should find their own time. So what if they want to keep slow?”

“So… what?” Nagisa repeated the words slowly, blinking.

“Well, yeah. Not everyone is ready to jump into relationships. Sometimes the person needs time to process their own feelings.” The man spoke with his gaze locked on the back of Makoto’s head and a fond smile covering his face.

The blond hasn't thought about it from this perspective. _He_ was always jumping around and never getting serious about anyone, but he guesses that Haruka is more of a once in a lifetime kind of guy. It sure explains his devotion to Mako-chan for all this time.

Was Nagisa being a hypocrite, trying to push his friend to act against his careful nature when he was the one that couldn’t face the only person he was truly interested in?

Struggling a bit, he tore his gaze from the couple and glanced up at Rei-chan’s face, surprising himself when he locked eyes with the photographer and felt a rush of longing right in the pit of his stomach. In that moment, he realized that he couldn’t live through Haruka forever. He would have to fight his own battles as well, even if just for a little bit.

The blond sniffs and casually replies. “You are so clever, Rei-chan. We should probably leave before they notice us.” Then, in a sudden rush of clarity, he decided to move forward. “Do you want to go get ice cream? There is a store nearby and I _love_ their strawberry treats.”

The other man makes a disgusted face for a moment, but then his face cleared and he pointed at the street with a smile. “After you.”

 

* * * * *

 

Haruka has the unpleasant sensation that someone is watching him, as his eyes narrow when he turns around and catches a flash of pale hair leaving the park. He is about to call out to Nagisa when he sees that his friend is, in fact, accompanied by Ryuugazaki and the blond looks… _happy_.

And just like that, he resolves to let his friend be. Whatever Nagisa was doing, Haruka won’t hold it against him.

“Where are you looking at?” Ask the cheerful voice by his side, which sends sparks of joy through his body. The raven-haired man turns his face to his companion then, drinking in the gorgeous sight of Makoto’s curious face.

“Nowhere,” Haruka answers honestly with a small frown because his eyes aren’t drawn by anything else like it’s pulled by this man. Nothing can be compared. How could Haruka ever face a different direction when Makoto is made of gravity and everything that is good in the world when all the other roads are dark and this body radiates pure sunlight?

To someone as disheartened as Haruka, Makoto’s existence is a solid rock where he can safely lean on. _Soon_ , Haruka promises. _I will close this gap between us and call you mine, Makoto._

_Soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It felt weird to start any new situations without properly finishing the 'barbecue', which is why this chapter is a bit slow. Also, I felt like Rin and Nagisa could use a break and decided to show their struggles a little bit. Nagisa needed no hear those words from Rei and put his own needs first for once. 
> 
> I hope you don't mind! Thank you for all the kudos, comments and the unwavering support ♥
> 
> You can find me at herewegohappiness.tumblr.com.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's angst, love and tons of mistakes being made, not in this order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you EggDropSoup for fixing all of my English mistakes :)

Life continues as it always has. Haruka studies and swims and goes for jogs at dawn. He doesn’t see Makoto for a few days since the student started complaining about how far behind he was in his studies and the newspaper’s reports.

Sometimes they text, short, random messages that let the other person know they are thinking about them. Truth be told, Haruka hates his cell phone, text messages and phone calls included. But this is Makoto we are talking about, and Haruka feels his face heat every time his crush sends him a message asking about his day. He hides his mobile back in his pockets until he feels more like himself and replies.

Everything is sweet and easy and so good that the blue-eyed boy isn’t sure how to deal with it all. Something is happening, the tension so stretched, on the verge of snapping, ripping the vacant space that still exists between them apart. The problem is that Haruka has been on the sidelines for so long that he can barely stand his own thoughts anymore. 

Nonetheless, it’s with delighted wonder that he looks up from his homework, sitting on the first floor of the library, to stare at bright green eyes.

“Hi Haru,” Makoto says while leaning into his personal space to check what Haruka is writing about. Haruka proceeds to discreetly close his notebook with a sigh. Makoto might be his wonder boy, but he can be quite a busybody sometimes.

“Hi,” Haru speaks absentmindedly, realizing with the corner of his eyes that Rei and Kisumi are checking a few books at the reception, which means that Makoto stopped to talk to him for a short amount of time. Luckily, Nagisa and Rin are both taking classes at this moment, and Haruka and Makoto can have this minute to be alone. 

Makoto continues with an enthusiastic voice, “It must have been fate to meet you here. I have been holding on to this for you, for quite some time now.” He hands a small package to Haruka and smiles expectantly.

His face is so open and honest that Haruka’s thoughts black out for a moment. Suddenly, Haruka’s heart beats so fast in his chest that he almost chokes, but thankfully he manages to open the package with steady fingers and his blue eyes widen. 

Inside the package, there are some photographs of them and their group of friends. In the frozen images, they seem to be having… fun. Ryuugazaki – Rei? – must have taken the photos at the barbecue, but Haruka had been too caught up in Makoto’s general existence to notice at the time. The truth is, he quite likes the idea of having memories of that day saved in photographs.

He decides to check the photos in closer detail later. Looking up, he stares at Makoto with huge eyes. “Thank you, I appreciate that.” Then he looks to the side, hiding his flush.

When he lifts his face again, he is fascinated with the affection glowing in Makoto’s smile.

Suddenly, letting Makoto know how much he loved the gift is the most important thing in the universe. How much he liked talking to him again, breathing in the same space. But before he can put his thoughts into a coherent line, Makoto speaks up, a different setting in his eyes. He is staring over his shoulders.

“I hope you liked them, Haru. Listen, I can’t stay, but I will see you later, alright?”

With a last smile, Makoto turns and walks out of the library along with Rei and Kisumi, leaving a heart-clenched Haruka behind. The swimmer heaves a sigh and looks back at the collection of photographs.

Moments later, his cellphone buzzes, displaying a text message from Makoto.

_ Hey, Haru, sorry I had to leave like that. I will make it up to you later! Coffee on me? _

Haruka answers with a secret smile gracing his naturally stoic face. _ Sure. _

When the next message comes, he gets so nervous that he has to hold his cell phone at arm’s length for a second, sucking in a breath and finally opening his eyes. There is nothing on it that can hurt him. He knows that.

The text isn’t from Makoto, however. It isn’t from anyone he really wants to talk to. 

It’s from someone that acts like a disease, the mere glimpse of them eating all the good thoughts from his brain. Haruka distantly wonders why he still puts up with it. And just like that, Haruka is back on black.

He has no other choice but to reply.

 

* * * * *

 

When Rin storms through the door, he is swearing and complaining out loud.  _ What the heck is wrong with Haruka this time? _ Because seriously, missing swimming practice one day is pretty weird, but two days in a whole? Damn crazy.

The apartment is a mess, though. There are dirty dishes everywhere, scattered clothes piling up on the floor, thin layers of dust over the surface of the television and other random places. 

He can’t hear any sound beyond his ragged breathing. He should be able to hear the water spilling from the bathtub in his friend’s bathroom, but there’s a strange quietness enveloping him. With his nerves on the edge, he turns and catches Nagisa’s eyes. Together, they head for the bedroom, while Sousuke starts cleaning up the room without a word.

The bedroom is dark except for the daylight coming through the gap Rin opened in the door. There is a Haruka-sized lump on the bed, hiding behind a mountain of sheets and pillows. For what he can see, this room is not in a better condition of cleanliness than the rest of the house.

He storms to the bed before Nagisa can catch his arms, and puts the pillows aside, revealing a Haruka with red-rimmed eyes and disheveled hair. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” he all but shouts.

Haruka flinches, trying to cover himself again. “Get out.”

“No!” Rin struggles to drag his friend out of the bed, anger taking the better of him. “Not this again. You will leave this bed and tell me what in the world is wrong with you!”

“This isn’t any of your business,” Haruka holds his ground, raising his voice a little. “Get out.”

Nagisa intervenes, probably realizing that Haruka is behaving like a crazy son of a bitch that isn’t making this any easier. The blond sits on the edge of the bed. “Haru-chan, are you okay?” His voice is quiet and wavering a little. “Are you hungry? Have you eaten anything?”

“Why are you encouraging this?” Rin loses his shit. “He needs to leave this bed and deal with his troubles like a man. Fucking time to learn to do it, but he won’t if you keep babysitting him!” 

When Nagisa glares at him, Rin takes a steady breath. Why he is so angry, he couldn’t say. _He_ _just is._ It maddens him to see his friend in this miserable cocoon as if life wasn’t worth of anything – as if _they_ weren’t worth of anything. With a sudden spark of rage, he jumps on the bed and starts to drag Haruka in earnest out of the bed, marking his pale arms with angry nails. “GET OUT.”

“Fuck you.” Haruka kicks him out in the stomach with surprising force, his eyes freaking red on the corners. “You know nothing about anything. This is my house, SO YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”

Before Rin can comprehend what is going on, he is pinned to the kitchen wall by Sousuke’s strong arms holding on so tightly that it hurts. The pain clears his head a bit.

“Are you out of your mind?” His boyfriend’s low voice is scary as shit. He doesn’t agree with the sentence, no matter how much of it is the truth.

“Haruka needs –” Rin starts, but Nagisa interferes.

“Haru-chan needs our support, not you getting all macho man on him!”

“Macho-what?” Rin spits out. “He doesn’t give a damn about us, no matter what we say –”

“How about you wake the fuck up?” Nagisa all but yells at his face, anger flowing out of him. “Guess what? This isn’t about you! When you have your little breakdowns, none of us try to physically hurt you.” Rin winces. Nagisa continues. “This is about him and you know what happened! So, for once in your life, fuck off!” 

“I don’t – ”

“You do,” Sousuke says while handing him Haruka’s phone.

Rin turns the screen towards him and doesn’t even blink. There it is a short conversation with Haruka’s mother, where they arrange to meet. It’s with a pang in his chest that he realizes that he knew. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply to calm himself down.

“I just – I  _ hate _ not knowing what to do,” Rin tells no one in particular. And that is the problem, isn’t it? That every time the damn woman shows up, there’s nothing they can do to help Haruka. Unless bloody beating her becomes an option, which currently isn’t, for reasons.

“I know,” Sousuke speaks and brings him to his chest. The comfort and the love that emanates from him are enough to make Rin feel safe…. and guilty as hell.

He locks eyes with his best friend. Blond, clever and the kindest person he has ever met. “What should we do?”

Instead of answering, Nagisa looks up at Sousuke, clear expectation on his face, and it’s the taller boy who finally replies, “I think we need to try a different approach this time.”

They move out of the apartment, discussing the situation in the hall.

“I don’t like this idea,” Rin makes his opinion clear for the tenth time, biting his nails. “We are here, why would Haru need anyone else?”

“Because this isn’t about you,” Nagisa and Sousuke speak together, and then Nagisa continues with, “He knows everything we have to say. We have all been here before, Rin-chan.”

“Besides, he doesn’t think we understand,” Sousuke adds quietly.

“Why?” Rin asks with open curiosity on his face.

Sousuke catches his hands and laces their fingers together. “Because we have each other, and Nagisa is generally lucky when it comes to finding love interests.” He shrugs apologetically at Nagisa but the blond only shakes his head. “He thinks the problem is his personality. We don’t have the power to make him believe anything he doesn’t want to. Not right now.”

Nagisa places a hand on his shoulder. “He knows our love for him, Rin-chan. That’s why he lashes out at you like that. He knows we will be back, no matter what he does. But that isn’t what is at stake today.”

Rin closes his eyes, remembering the look of despair and sadness in Haruka’s face, the desire to apologize and help his friend gripping at the edges of his sanity, hurting his heart. And with suddenly clarity, he realizes that  _ he can _ .

With a sniff, he makes up his mind. “Let’s call him, before I lose my nerve.”

 

* * * * *

 

Makoto squirms in his seat, not quite managing to hide his tension. Sitting at the table across from him, Rin, Nagisa, and Sousuke stare at his profile with the sharp eyes of a predator. Finding courage somewhere inside his heart, Makoto asks “What happened?” 

Clearly something  _ happened, _ and Haru isn’t here for some reason, which makes Makoto downright uncomfortable. He hasn’t seen Haru since that day at the library. After all, his friend had never showed up on their date and didn’t respond to his text messages. 

When the only answer he gets is the awkward silence hanging over their heads, he tries again.

“I haven’t heard from Haru in a while. Why isn’t he here?”

To his distress, a heavy sigh leaves Rin’s lips, but it’s Nagisa who answers him, with obvious discomfort. “Haru-chan is at his house, but he isn’t feeling okay,” the blond speaks looking at his hands. “We think he met his mother,” he adds quietly.

For a moment, Makoto thinks he heard that last part wrong. “His… mother?” he repeats. “Why would he feel bad from meeting his mother?”

When the other boys stare at him in disbelief, Makoto defends himself, bringing the palm of his hands up. His own mother is the closest friend he has – they can talk about everything and anything, for hours, they even enjoy the same television shows, so it’s hard for Makoto to grasp the reality of the situation. “I am sorry, but this doesn’t make any sense. Everyone I know has a good relationship with their mothers, and I never heard anything about Haru’s mom.”

But his own words flash some sense across his mind. He has never, in fact, heard anything about Haru’s family. Despite all the details of his life Makoto has shared with Haru, Makoto knows nothing about his past in return – who his parents are and what they do, how they treat their only child. A sharp feeling like guilty and worry seeps through his heart at realizing all the things he has never asked Haru before.

With renewed interest and a different tone of voice, he pushes. “What did his mother do?”

This time, Rin breaks down and hides his face in his hands, and speaks with a muffled voice. “Just how blind can you get? They are homophobic and Haru is gay. That pretty much sums up everything, you fucker.”

Makoto freezes, his lukewarm coffee now forgotten on the table. His thoughts are a huge mess for a moment until Nagisa cuts in. “Rin-chan, don’t. It isn’t Mako-chan’s fault.” Then, magenta eyes turn to him.  “They are important fishes in the business and commercial industry, so Haru-chan’s degree in college completely displeases them. They are proud of his possible swimming career, though. I don’t understand their minds.”

Hot resentment burns his flesh for a moment until Makoto realizes he had closed his hands into tight fists and his nails are digging painfully into his skin. With a herculean effort, he unclenches his fists and immediately brings his hands to his mouth. He tries to clear his head. 

He thinks about all the ways that Haru is simply beautiful, all the small things that he does gracefully; his quiet nature, the pretty flush in his face when he feels embarrassed, the vibrant expression in his eyes, his huge heart, the way he holds his pens carefully when drawing, as if afraid the wrong move will tear his sketch paper apart, the way his lips turn upright in the corners when he thinks no one can see.

How could anyone try to change his nature like that? More to the point, the most important question right now is…

“Can I see him?”

Rin and Nagisa visibly relax, and Sousuke smiles. “We were hoping you would say that.”

 

* * * * *

 

**_Two years ago…_ **

Haruka storms across the hall, deciding to leave the building before any classmate tries to make small talk with him. If forced to point out the thing he hates the most, Haruka would choose the useless, blank conversations people hold sometimes, conversations that lead  _ nowhere _ .

When he gets far enough from the Arts section, the artist slows down for a bit. Thankfully, today he doesn’t carry any canvas or large tools, so he can walk with easy, steady footsteps. The scenery around him starts to change, the brick walls turning into an open field, circled by other similar buildings close by. 

Now that the danger of any attempt of friendship is gone, his mind unconsciously drifts to a tall, green-eyed boy, and his eyes search his surroundings. He wonders what Tachibana would be doing at this time. Would he be in the newsroom? Maybe helping his friends with homework, or enjoying a date?

At this, Haruka snorts.  _ Right, as if that person would ever go on a date _ . Even with his popularity, Makoto seems more like the frigid type, full of responsibilities and with no time for fun.

Prince Charming has no time to play, and Haruka distantly feels sorry for him.

Then something clicks, and Haruka frowns. Why is he thinking about the brunet? As if stalking him with Rin and Nagisa is not enough for a lifetime. Yes, Haruka admits that  _ it is kind of fun _ to watch the many expressions the boy makes, but he is always so perfect, his mask so well-placed, that Haruka wouldn’t be surprised if the stalking game becomes boring soon.

He ignores the voice in his head telling him that the  _ stalking game _ has been going on for longer than he would like to admit. And why is he thinking about Tachibana at such an odd time?

With effort, he forces his mind back to his assignments, and succeeds for quite some time, until he hears a familiar laugh coming from his right. Haruka stops in his tracks, noticing that in his daze he diverged from his path, entering the part of the field that is shadowed by old, huge trees.

The familiar sound reaches his ears again. He recognizes it as Tachibana’s voice, and his heart leaps. The game is on.

Slowly, deliberately, Haruka approaches the place where the noises came from, hiding in the frame of the leaves and trees. When he gets closer, his breath hitches.

Tachibana is standing there, leaning on a large trunk, with  _ another person _ . Not a girl, as Haruka would have assumed, but a dark-haired man, possibly a student,  _ who is taller than Tachibana _ . The stranger rests the palm of his right hand close to Tachibana’s neck, holding his weight with that.

Something twists in Haruka’s gut when he sees the other casually leaning into Tachibana’s personal space, but he doesn’t interrupt the scene or walk away, opting for moving closer instead.

Haruka takes his eyes off the stranger, glancing up at Tachibana, and the expression on the other boy isn’t at all what he had expected. His hands turn into fists, nails digging tight into his palm.

Tachibana’s face is calm and excited all at once, his green orbs more alive than ever. He doesn’t touch the other man, but he seems interested in everything he has to say, which is obvious by the way he tilts his head and drops pleased sounds into the other’s ears.

Haruka didn’t know Tachibana could look like that, could sound like that. The scene stirs something deep inside of him and turns his skin slick with cold sweat. 

When the dark-haired man closes the short distance between their bodies and gives Tachibana’s cheek a chaste kiss, Haruka half-hopes that Tachibana would flee from the scene. Instead, Tachibana inclines his head back, offering more skin for contact, chuckling sweetly the whole time, and his green eyes slide closed for a moment, lost in the sensation. Haruka decides he has seen enough.

His mind throbs and the only thing he can think of is:  _ take your hands off him, take your hands off him, stop fucking touching him _ .

Suddenly, the game isn’t fun anymore.

Carefully, consciousness elsewhere, he escapes from the field, from the university campus, not stopping until he gets home. The whole way to his apartment, the image of how beautiful Tachibana had looked, how  _ sexy _ his small movements had been, penetrates Haruka’s mind and refuses to walk away.

After entering his house and dropping onto the bed, Haruka realizes he has been shaking. His hands tremble and don’t stop, can’t stop, won’t stop.

He runs a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself, and moves to lie on his side, embracing his knees, making himself small.

_ So, is that it? Is Tachibana gay? And if he is, what is the big deal? _

It would be pretty hypocritical of Haruka to judge him for that. But why does Haruka feel like something has fundamentally changed because of this new discovery?

The thought that he would do anything to hear Tachibana gasp like that again crosses his mind and Haruka forces his eyes shut, refusing to picture anything else. Breath shallow, Haruka realizes he has witnessed, for the first time, how Tachibana looked in a moment of intimacy.

And because whenever you think you have the upper hand life makes you fall face-first on the ground, Haruka also realizes, at the worst possible moment, that he fell in love with the sunny boy.

 

* * * * *

 

**_Now_ **

Haruka opens his eyes without moving or making a sound, and lies in the same spot for a second, on his side and holding himself impossibly small, before rolling over and resting on his back. 

_ It has been such a long time, why did I remember that? _

The raven boy closes his eyes. How long until Makoto opens himself up for Haruka like that? Does he even stand a chance? After talking to his mother, he feels so fucking drained, so hopeless.

Everything that she said is burned into his mind, flashing under his eyelids when he closes his eyes. He can hear her soft voice, telling him that  _ happiness, love... those are concepts that don't belong to him, he should know that _ .  _ He should know better by now. He can’t get what he wants. He can’t have something better than what he already has. _

To make everything worse, Rin’s angry face crosses his mind. Haruka had fought his best friends and treated them like shit. What for? Out of some sense of preservation, for something stupid like pride? Rin, Sousuke and Nagisa had seen him in worse situations before, and they have never looked down on him. Haruka has never seen pity in their eyes, just unconditional love.

But Rin should know that Haruka can’t go to swim practice while feeling like this. Haruka isn’t worthy of the water the way he is now, small and miserable. Frankly, he isn’t worthy of anything. He can barely stand to look at his paintings right now as well.

Somehow, his mother had known about Makoto, with painful accuracy. Why she would bother to try and convince him about all the ways in which Makoto doesn’t care about him like that, Haruka would never know. He won’t ever understand the sadistic pleasure his mother gets from humiliating him.

Despite everything, he doesn’t hate her. He doesn’t feel much for her, nothing beyond a strong sense of dread every time she remembers his existence long enough to come to bother him. 

The things she said, they don’t matter, Haruka decides. The sunny boy might never care for him in a romantic way, but Makoto’s trust and friendship is something to be cherished. Haruka won’t throw their relationship away. 

If that is the only thing he will ever get, then Haruka will hold on to it with all his might. However, if he had the chance… oh, if he had the chance, Haruka would make them work with every bloody cell of his body, every breath he takes- because Makoto is more than worth it. 

Haruka puts his hands over his face, to hide the silent sobs that want to escape his lips at the sudden rush of hurt that runs through his body.

A long while later, Haruka can hear the sound of a door opening and closing. He feels hollow, hungry, drenched and boneless, without the frame of mind to fight with Rin again. He turns around, expecting to see the redhead and already gathering the energy to argue with his friend when he realizes how wrong he has been.

Because there is only Makoto, leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest, gorgeous and bright in the dim light. Relaxing slowly, Haruka glances up, and up, until they regard each other and everything is simpler, his chaotic world is now narrowed  down to a pair of emerald eyes.

Makoto smiles and tilts his head to the side. “Are you hungry? I brought you something.” Turning towards the kitchen, Makoto regards Haruka over his shoulder and speaks with a teasing voice. “Why don’t you shower while I heat up the food?”

Worse, he actually dares to leave the bedroom.

When Makoto is gone, making startling noises somewhere around the kitchen, Haruka realizes how dark his bedroom is. All the windows are closed, and his cell phone shows that it’s already night time. How long has Haruka been in here?

Haruka brings his forearms up to his nose, smelling his skin and realizing that he also needs a shower as soon as possible. His mouth tastes horribly, and a quick look in the mirror by his left side reveals a very zombie-like Haruka.

And just like that, the bed isn’t the best place to be anymore. Jumping up, Haruka chooses his clothes, runs to the bathroom, closes the door, fills the bathtub and joins the water after what feels like a lifetime.

For a moment Haruka just lays in the water, enjoying how the liquid feels against his hot skin. Then his mind travels to Makoto’s noises outside the bathroom door. It should feel weird, intrusive, since Haruka never receives visits from anyone else besides Rin and Nagisa. The comfort he gets from Makoto’s presence is brand new. 

Even though Haruka doesn’t understand why or how Makoto got his address, he is here. And Haruka decides that his presence is all that matters, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> Sorry about all the angst. I feel bad about putting Haru through it all. I know that in canon Haruka’s parents aren’t nearly this bad, but the way I see it, they do neglect Haruka, which is more accurate in High Speed!. Also, please don’t be mad at Rin. He just doesn’t know how to deal with Haruka’s pain, and his powerlessness in the situation made him snap.  
> The next chapter is finished. I'll send it to my beta before posting it here. I promise to make it up to you with lots of makoharu moments. Until next time! ♥


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the sun always shines after the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to EggDropSoup for betaing this chapter :)

_“You’re in my mind, all of the time. I know that is not enough.” –_ Electrical Storm, U2

 

Haruka leaves the bathroom a while later, body still stiff, exhausted and feeling drained. He made an effort not to glance at the mirror while he got dressed, knowing he must look just as bad as he feels inside.

His sides hurt from all the time spent in bed, and even with Makoto at his house, it is hard for Haruka to fight the desire to fly back under the covers. His stomach is growling though, so he squares his shoulders, making himself look taller, exhales deeply, and walks to the kitchen instead.

Haruka can hear Makoto muttering something in a low voice all the way through the hall, and once he enters the room he is greeted with the sight of his crush sitting at the table with an open book in his hands, making notations with the other in a journal, while talking to himself. It feels so domestic and, despite everything that was spiraling in his head, Haruka feels warmth spread through him and he smiles softly once he joins Makoto.

“Pizza?” he asks, pointing to the open cardboard box and the delicious-looking pizza resting inside it.

His companion pushes the book and journal aside and looks sheepishly at his plate. “Yeah, I know it’s not the best dinner, but I don’t really know how to cook, so…”

The embarrassment in Makoto is palpable, so the blue-eyed boy touches the brunet’s forearm gently, fingers wrapping around a wrist. “It’s okay. Thank you.”

Makoto doesn’t pull away, but his eyes light up for a moment, before he furrows his eyebrows. “Now that I think about it, you are an athlete Haru! Will your coach be mad at you if you eat pizza today?

Haruka, who only ever eats mackerel despite his coach’s best advice, shrugs and reaches for a slice of pizza with his free hand. “I don’t think so.”

Makoto nods, and so they eat, the silence enveloping them like an old and comforting glove. Makoto doesn’t push Haruka to speak, nor does he ask about the things that are on his mind. He only sits by his sides and understands his silence. To be honest, Haruka is so out of it that his mind is a scattered mess of half-formed feelings and thoughts, his hold on Makoto’s skin the only thing keeping him from wandering too far in his own head.

After a moment, when the food is mostly gone, Haruka lets his eyes wander through his apartment, since the living room is adjacent to the kitchen, with only the kitchen counter separating both places. The house is clean. The clothes that were once scattered on the floor now and are neatly folded on top of the couch. The bags of food and empty take away boxes are nowhere to be seen. The dishes cluttering up the sink were washed and put up in the cabinets. His windows are open for a change, probably to renew the air in the room, and Haruka can see the dark patches of the sky outside. It’s already night time, he realizes with a jolt.

“Aren’t you cold?” Haruka finds himself asking Makoto.

The emerald eyes stare at the window for the first time, and then he blinks at the raised hairs on his arm. “I guess so,” he answers with surprise coloring his voice.

Now that he has food in his system again, Haruka takes in Makoto’s image, his disheveled hair and unusual crumpled clothes, and the small crease on his forehead. It’s only then that the swimmer realizes that Makoto is far more worried than he is letting on. The brunet is probably trying to be a steady figure so Haruka can relax, settling back into a semblance of normality. The swimmer’s chest bursts with gratitude once he realizes not only how much he needs this, but that Makoto understands him enough to offer it to him.

Then Haruka remembers that this is the very first time Makoto has ever set foot in his apartment and instantly makes up his mind.

“I want to go back to bed,” he whispers.

Beside him, Makoto’s body goes very tense. “Right… I will clean this for you, ok?” he says, pointing at the empty plates and the leftover pizza.

Before he can move away from the table, however, Haruka takes hold of his elbow. “Can you –”

Haruka finds that he can’t ask what he wants while staring at the emerald green of Makoto’s eyes, so he lowers his gaze to his lap, and tries again, face burning with embarrassment. “Do you want to – stay with me – tonight?”

When the answer doesn’t come right away, Haruka’s stomach sinks and he struggles to breathe, but then warm fingers touch his cheek and he looks up... Makoto’s face is unreadable, but his eyes are very bright when he nods, letting his hands brush the strands of hair out of his face.

“Yeah, I can stay,” he answers softly.

Once they clean everything up – together, because Haruka could never let Makoto do all the work by himself –, and brush their teeth, Haruka leads Makoto to his bedroom, which is still in the same state of mess that it was before, unfortunately. Nagisa, Rin and Sousuke couldn’t get inside to clean up since Haruka wouldn’t let them. For a second, he feels a pang in his heart at thinking about his friends, who even through his dark mood made such a great effort of tidying everything up for him. But then his gaze settles on the bed and he starts to change the used sheets for a clean set, while Makoto stands awkwardly not really knowing what to do with himself.

After he is finished with his task, Haruka motions for Makoto to settle on the bed. For a moment, he thinks that Makoto won’t comply, since the green eyes keep going back and forth around the room, but then the student slowly walks to the bed and lowers himself until he is resting on his back, resting his weight with his elbows and staring intently at Haruka who, shaking a little, turns off the lights.

Haruka falters for a second, then crosses the room and settles beside Makoto on the bed. He pushes Makoto back on the covers, and snuggles close, his hands on the broad chest and face buried against his neck. He shuts his eyes when Makoto’s scent threatens to overwhelm him, the vanilla and soap filling his nose as Haruka struggles with his breathing and gasps for air, like a drowning man desperately trying to survive.

In the dark, he feels strong arms enveloping his body and hands carding through his hair, hesitantly at first and then, once he allows the touch, with growing confidence.

Haruka hadn’t even realized how much he needed _this_ , to feel secure, wrapped up in warmth and strength. Makoto is safe, caring and sweet. And the best part is that he doesn’t pull away.

When the first sob comes, it’s quiet and secretive, until Makoto’s neck and shoulders get slippery from Haruka’s tears. His lips hover over the damp skin, mouthing unspoken apologizes while his hands rise to touch the other side of Makoto’s face. Before he realizes it though, Haruka’s hands are holding on tight to Makoto’s shoulders, and they are hugging through the worst of his silent cries.

Haruka doesn’t even know what he is crying for – if it’s related to the past few days or if it’s about something other than that, maybe for his lonely childhood, or for his empty love life? It could even be about his low self-esteem, or the fight with his friends. About his platonic crush on Makoto, the fact that Makoto is _right there_ and Haruka is still not allowed to go too far. Does he even care what the reasons are at this point? He hasn’t cried in ages. Perhaps it’s about all of the above, spilling over after so many years of _holding on, being strong, just a little bit longer, just a little bit more_.

It seems like a really long time before the tears stop falling, and Haruka starts to notice other things. Like how it feels to be chest to chest with Makoto, the steadying beat of his heart, the strength in the muscles of his biceps and thighs, the brownish hair tickling his cheeks and eyes.. As his mind begins to calm down, what was an innocent touch becomes full of dark and alluring promises. It gets harder and harder for Haruka to ignore the lust that bursts through his body when he is close to Makoto, especially since he has never been exposed to this much closeness before.

Then the skin on skin contact becomes too much, and Haruka thinks about all of the places where their limbs are touching, the warmth of their bodies, the intimacy that they are sharing right now. It’s fight or flight. Deep in his heart, he understands that if he doesn’t do anything now, he might as well never have the chance again.

During the day, when he had been wallowing in misery, he thought that he could be satisfied by their friendship only. But right at this moment, with so much spilling from his heart already, Haruka realizes that he won’t ever forgive himself if he doesn’t even try to discover what Makoto’s answers to his feelings would be.

Even a steady _no_ at this point is better than _never knowing at all_.

Acting on impulse, Haruka pushes up and then he is half on top of Makoto, holding his beautiful face between damp hands. His heart is hammering in his chest, he can barely breathe with all the blood pounding in his ears. The green eyes are impossibly wide with strays of light glinting over a color that is almost black, but Makoto’s hands are still resting at his sides. Haruka lowers himself until their faces are so close that their breaths mingle together and studies Makoto’s face one more time, before brushing their lips gently.

It’s nothing more than a slide of lips, a barely-there suggestion, sweet and so very slow. Makoto’s mouth is wet, salty, tasting faintly of peppermint flavor, and pliant under his. Makoto’s hands move from his waist, over his spine, and they stop at the back of his neck, holding him in place while Makoto deepens the kiss.

Slowly, his fingers tighten a bit on his hair, and his tongue pushes inside his mouth lazily, making Haruka feel light-headed just from kissing. It feels good as their bodies push closer, as close as they can get, and oh – Haruka can feel something against his hips. Makoto is starting to get aroused _by_ _Haruka_ , by these soft, childish kisses and that is way too much to deal with. Haruka’s hands are shaking with how much it means to him to have Makoto like this, willing and desiring him just as much after all this time.

It’s happening. It’s actually happening, the reality of it real and palpable under his fingertips. He recalls the time when such a thing seemed beyond impossible. All of those afternoons spent watching this person from far away, like something too precious to even get a full glimpse of, and now here Makoto is, golden and gorgeous and focused only on him.

Haruka’s arms are fucking trembling, touching the chocolate hair and memorizing the feel of it between his fingertips. The strands are thick but soft like silk, fitting so perfectly in his hands that Haruka slows down the kiss even more to look at the sight of the dark hair and his pale skin.

Makoto, however, misunderstands the signs of his hesitancy and stops kissing him far too soon, his head falling back onto the sheets to stare back at Haruka, searching for something in the blue eyes. Then Makoto bites his lips and turns his face away, going limp under him.

“Makoto,” Haruka asks, confusion written on his face. In the dim light, he can’t see much of his partner’s face to read his features.

“Haru, I – I am sorry,” Makoto murmurs, and fear starts creeping under Haruka’s skin like poison.

“Why?” It’s all he can say. He still has his arms around Makoto, but Makoto’s own hands are stretched out by his side, and he won’t look at Haruka. The blue-eyed man can only pray fervently that Makoto isn’t regretting their kiss because, if he is, God help Haruka.

Instead of freaking out though, Haruka waits.

“Because I – ” Makoto stops and bites his lips again, closing his eyes. “Because I came here to keep you company and be a good _friend_ , and instead of doing that I took advantage of you. You aren’t in your right state of mind right now, and I shouldn’t have – ”

“No, I – I am –” Haruka starts without finishing and chooses to bury his face in Makoto’s neck once again, looking for comfort, safety and acceptance. Makoto’s arms come to hug him without hesitation, hands cradling the back of his neck. “I want to kiss you.”

“Haru, please don’t do that,” Makoto murmurs in a sad tone of voice. “You know I am here for you, no matter what, but – just don’t.”

The words hurt, but Haruka can’t keep his mouth shut and give this up. He doesn’t know _how_ . “I am not asking for a pity fuck,” Haruka struggles to speak, shaking his head while still hiding against Makoto’s wet skin. God, this is all _wrong_. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. “I have always… wanted you. For a long time,” he finishes lamely.

Speaking the truth out loud is uncomfortable, too raw to be anything but painful. But Makoto deserves to know, even if Haruka’s love is unrequited, because the brunet is wonderful, selfless, the best man Haruka has ever known, and he deserves to know he is loved, _by him_.

For a moment, the silence stretches and Makoto’s body goes rigid only to relax little by little. “Do you mean that?” the brunet quietly asks.

Haruka nods, but Makoto pushes the issue. “Haru, I… since when?”

Damn, he might as well hide in this apartment for the rest of his life. But he forces himself to say it. “Since last year,” he murmurs.

“But we didn’t known each other then.”

At this, Haruka raises his head and presses his forehead to the side of Makoto’s head, mouth close to his earlobe, brownish hair tickling his face. With a shrug, he decides that silence is the best answer he can possibly give, and he feels more than he witnesses the moment when Makoto understands the truth - if the loud gasp and the shudder in the body beneath him is anything to go by.

Haruka waits, his heart beating excruciatingly in his throat, and it feels like centuries before Makoto turns his head back to regard Haruka with new clarity in his eyes, lips parted and barely breathing. They stare at each other while their foreheads and noses touch, in a conversation that doesn’t make much sense to Haruka at first, until all of the missing pieces fit in all the right places. Then, Makoto speaks first.

 **“** I am not – I don’t know how to deal with this,” he whispers in Haruka’s mouth, and Haruka reads between the lines, _this_ meaning and not the kiss in itself, but a relationship, the trust needed to be with someone intimately again. “So just kiss me if you really, really mean it, ok?”

There’s something about his voice that tears Haruka’s insides apart, and he keeps his gaze fixed steadily on Makoto. He can see tangible fear in there, but also some degree of uncertainty, and even hope. The sight of the last one makes Haruka smile a little. “Of course I mean it, Makoto,” he mouths the words against Makoto’s lips and kisses him again.

Gentler this time, he rolls over on top of Makoto, settling between his parted legs, lips brushing along the boy’s jaw and throat. The skin tastes salty, what with all the tears that have dropped onto it, but Haruka doesn’t mind. It only reminds him of Makoto’s kindness and strength of heart. Their mouths meet again and they share lazy, intimate kisses, like they got all the time in the world on their hands.

In the near darkness, Haruka feels the vulnerability at a whole new level, as he can hear the beating of their hearts and the sound of gasps and low moans filling the air. He struggles as he pushes the palms of his hands under Makoto’s shirt, trying to keep his fingers from shaking without success. The soft skin is very warm, and absolutely addictive to touch. The more Haruka familiarizes himself with the feel of Makoto’s sides, the more he wants to discover, and he lets his nails dig lightly into the skin, which elicits a wonderful reaction in Makoto as the man tightens his hold in Haruka’s hair, arching into him.

The swimmer pushes harder against Makoto’s body and the friction that surges through it elicits a surprised sound from Makoto, before he moves his hands to grasp at Haruka’s backside and gives a squeeze. Faltering, Haruka moves his fingers to push Makoto’s shirt up and finally over his head, immediately settling his hands on the naked chest.

Lovely; Makoto looks lovely in the dim light, all muscled from the gym, sharp angles and rough edges. His skin is darker than Haruka’s, toned and sun-lighted, and the blue-eyed man puts his lips to the valley of his collarbone, tasting it with open-mouthed kisses, until finally stopping to take his own shirt off. The sound of Makoto catching his breath makes him look up again.

He sees Makoto trace the lines of his chest with a burning gaze, eyes very dark with a kind of lust that Haruka didn’t think possible on him. He has seen people’s reactions to his body before; he has been on the receiving end of this kind of desire many times during his lifetime.  But then Makoto smiles, a teasing, small curve of lips, and suddenly the experience is new, breathtaking because this is Makoto who Haruka is sharing this moment with, and that alone changes everything. That alone turns this moment into something so gleeful, so magnificent, that none of his previous lovers and their lustful gazes could ever dare to achieve.

Haruka knows he is doomed the second he catches sight of Makoto’s eyes on him. He can only hope that this isn’t a one-time thing because he doesn’t think he could bear not having this again. Makoto is bright and so alive while he stares up at him, and then he brings his hands to Haruka’s neck, bringing him close and whispering “Come back down here,” an order that Haruka eagerly obeys.

He had never seriously thought that he would get to kiss one of Makoto’s smiles and real life overcomes his imagination in every sense of the way. Especially because Makoto starts chuckling and Haruka gives up on trying to deepen the kiss, kissing his partner’s face instead, his chin, his nose, the flustered cheeks and his forehead, brushing the locks of hair aside.

While he peppers Makoto with chaste kisses, he pushes his pants and underwear aside, and Makoto does the same with a bright grin that fully reaches his eyes. God, those _thighs_ ; Makoto truly is a gorgeous sight.

Makoto’s quiet laughter turns into a different set of sounds altogether once Haruka resumes grinding his hips into him, the smile fading as new sensations assault both of them. The swimmer has always been a quiet person in bed, and it’s amazing to hear the sharp intakes of breath and moans coming out of his partner’s lips. Makoto brings his legs to Haruka’s waist, putting his heels on the small of his back, and they move even closer than before.

In theory, what they are doing doesn’t seem like much. Haruka has done far more than that on first dates in the past, but he is harder than he has ever been and for now… he can’t think of anything better than the lazy slide of heat against heat, open-mouthed kisses and the feelings of Makoto’s body against his, the salty taste of his skin and the texture of his body hair, the sweet smell of his sweat, the barely-there chuckles he gets to cover with his lips. He can’t think.

They keep their eyes fixed on each other, absorbing, memorizing and enjoying everything they can while it is happening. It doesn’t feel like sex, not really. It feels like so much more, as if his feelings were spilling over, combusting and crumbling into ashes.

He wants to push himself over the edge, he wants it to never end. And when Makoto comes, muscles tense and tears falling from his eyes, Haruka can’t help but follow him in the white-shattering sensation, the pleasure shooting through his whole body, all at once.

He blinks several times while he catches his breath, still holding Makoto close, head resting on his companion’s collarbones. After a long moment, he rolls over and spreads his limbs besides Makoto on the bed. Good thing he owns a queen sized bed, he thinks. It takes up most of the room, but _it’s worth it_.

He hears Makoto shifting on the bed and turns his face to the side. Makoto is resting on his side, regarding him with softness in his eyes. “I liked it,” he says. When Haruka doesn’t answer, he smiles and rests his forehead on Haruka’s shoulder. “I really did.”

“I know,” Haruka answers with the steadiest voice he can muster to cover the way his throat grew tight at Makoto’s words. Then he moves his arm so Makoto can rest his head on his chest properly, shutting his eyes and letting his fingers card through Makoto’s now mostly soaked hair. He can smell the sweat and the sex in the air, and just doesn’t care all that much. It reminds him of what they had just done, and it warms his insides.

Only now he realizes all the things he could have done to Makoto. “Can I blow you later?” Haruka asks and immediately wants to hit himself in the head; so much for not wanting to appear like the clingy type so soon.

Thankfully Makoto only laughs. “I won’t stop you,” he shakes his head as if to emphasize his point, planting a kiss on Haruka’s skin and resting more comfortably against him. “It will take some time for that to be possible though. I am so tired.”

Haruka wholehearted shares this feeling. Now that they are lying on the bed, the exhaustion from the past few days is catching up with him and all of his limbs hurt as if his body weighs a ton. Believing that he couldn’t move even if he wanted to, Haruka presses his mouth to Makoto’s forehead and leaves it there. “I can wait.”

It hits him just how true this statement is. What are a few more hours compared to the agonizing wait of two whole years? It took a lot of heartbreak but here they are, not mentioning that Makoto admitted to returning his feelings, even if just a little. In his mind, Haruka knows that _to like_ isn’t the same as _to love_ , but he sincerely doesn’t care.

From day one their feelings have been mismatched, and he made peace with himself about his own selfishness and the fact that he will accept whatever he can get with arms wide open. And while Makoto lets him stay by his side, he sure will.

To think about all the possibilities – the future looking bright for the first time in a very long time – brings a real smile that lights up his whole face. It’s a shame that Makoto can’t see it. “I like you,” he mouths at Makoto’s sweated skin. What an understatement, Haruka muses to himself. How far his feelings go, how much deeper Makoto’s existence affects his life, he can’t say it out loud yet.

But that is okay, he thinks while he resumes patting Makoto’s pretty hair.

He has more than he had before. Everything that his heart desires is lying beside him in the rumpled sheets, not muttering a word against it. Quite the contrary, as Makoto moves to put the covers over them and yawns, relaxed, pliant and warm like a kitten, wrapped up against him. Haruka’s hands keep moving through his hair as the silence falls around them and calms their minds.

Just like that, everything is fine with the world, for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After so much heartbreak, so much angst, let's just let Haru enjoy his fair share of happiness for a while xD  
> Thanks for the wonderful comments and the kudos, I hope this chapter was worth the wait ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I am in love with University AU's, coffee shops and Tachibana Makoto. And nope, I did not create an entire fic just to show how gorgeous and amazing at college he is while drinking lots of coffee. Absolutely not. 
> 
> This is my second fic, so I really appreciate any feedback! Tell me what you think :)
> 
> Also, since my mother tongue is not English, if there are any mistakes please let me know and I will fix it right away!
> 
> You can find me at herewegohappiness.tumblr.com :)


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